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Choosing the right preschool for your child can be a daunting task, especially when your child has a developmental difference. You might be wondering if a therapeutic preschool is the best fit for your child. But what is a therapeutic preschool? What does it provide that another preschool doesn't? What should you look for in a therapeutic preschool to know that it is right for your family? In this session you will learn what makes a preschool therapeutic, how traditional therapy is integrated in the preschool environment, the benefits of a therapeutic preschool experience and what questions to ask to make sure you find the best fit for your family. There will be time for Q&A at the end! You will walk away from this discussion understanding: 1. How therapeutic preschools differ from non-therapeutic preschools 2. How parents can evaluate and compare therapeutic preschools 3. What to look for when touring a therapeutic preschool 4. What to expect when transitioning to traditional schools after preschool Our esteemed panel consists of: Lorell Marin, Founder and CEO, LEEP Forward Dr. Lori G. Tall, Executive Director, Black Bear Academy Dr. Erin Harvey, Clinic Director and Occupational Therapist, Blue Bird Day Kimberly Shlaes, Director of Therapeutic Preschool Programing, PlayWorks Prep Therapeutic Preschool Dr. Connie Weil, Clinical Psychologist, Tuesday's Child Thank you to our Presenting Sponsors: LEEP Forward Black Bear Academy Blue Bird Day Thank you to our Supporting Sponsors: PlayWorks Prep Therapeutic Preschool and Tuesday's Child By registering for this event, you agree that NPN may share your name and email address with our presenting sponsors.

NPN and RUSH Kids Pediatric Therapy teamed up for a small group panel discussion on the developmental milestones your child should be reaching during their first year ages 0-12 months. This webinar covers: Infant milestones from 0-12 months What skills children are expected to achieve at each month of development Ideas of how to use tools that parents already have in the home to assist their children in achieving the milestones Suggestions for how to elicit skills (e.g., tummy time or rolling) What can make reaching milestones tricky for kids A Q&A portion will follow, and the presenters will provide resources for parents to use to encourage basic skill acquisition. >>> insert new paragraph 12/22/2023 <<<

As the new school year approaches amid the Covid pandemic, we all find ourselves approaching it with a heightened sense of apprehension with a new normal of social interaction. The previous school year concluded with distance learning and parents temporarily thrust into educator roles and many are anxiously wondering what will happen this fall. It’s impossible to know what the future holds, and with no clear roadmap, parents who have been managing anxiety are now struggling. The coronavirus has caused significant disruptions to everyone’s daily life, and children are particularly feeling all of these changes as the new “normal” continues to shift. These changes come with a mix of new emotions as the new school year quickly approaches. Some may be hopeful with the excitement of in-person while others may be fearful of returning to the social stressors. Regardless, it is our job as caregivers to support our children in exploring their many feelings while providing a sense of calm to ease anxiety. But how can we do that in a time like this? [Related: 4 tips for managing your kids' coronavirus anxiety] We often try to soothe our children’s anxieties by having “all” the answers, and you may feel exhausted by trying to force things to be certain. In this situation, it is important to let go of control as nobody is sure of what the future of school looks like. Become a safe space for your child by bringing awareness to the uncomfortable feeling of uncertainty that we are all experiencing. This will be tough but worth it, as figuring out how to manage anxiety and tolerate the uneasy feeling are essential skills for everyone these days. Here are some tips on how to navigate conversations about the upcoming school year with your child. Empathize and validate. Encourage your child to express any fear or anxiety while letting them know that what they are feeling is normal. Use curiosity. Children may have fears revolving around bullying, e-learning, conflicts with friends, or being separated from you. Ask open questions and actively listen while talking through strategies to help your child improve problem-solving skills and feel empowered. Emphasize what is predictable. With the uncertainties of the method of schooling these days, focus on what a child can expect—learning new things, interacting with a teacher, etc. Continue practicing. Have the family wear a face mask at home in a variety of situations. This can be playing a board game, coloring, or watching a family movie. Doing this will help with not only the potential to return to classrooms but going to places like the grocery store. Shift back into a routine. Routines promote feelings of safety and can give a child a sense of control. Create an expected school routine by following bedtimes, getting ready in the morning, etc. [Related: Will my relationship survive this virus?] Provide reassurance. Revisit the safety measures in place to help keep children and teachers safe. This can ease anxiety about their safety in public spaces. Be honest. It’s okay not to have all the answers! We cannot solve all of our children’s problems, but sometimes they don’t need solutions—just to feel understood and supported. Admit that you wish you knew what the future of school looked like, but the reality is that you don’t. You are unable to make all the decisions now, but you will when you have the information you need. With honesty, you are sure not to make promises you can’t keep. Acknowledge the uneasiness. It is difficult to sit in the uncomfortable feeling of anxiety as we tend to avoid or resist it. Begin to notice and gently observe what is happening in your body to increase your ability to handle it. By doing this with your children, it will model that it is okay to feel this way—even grownups do! Focus on what you can control. It’s easy to get caught up in the unknown and “what ifs?” Notice when this is happening and gently shift to focusing on what is within your control to stay in the present moment. Be kind to yourself. Being a parent in the best of times is already the hardest job in the world. It is impossible to avoid anxiety right now but doing the best you can is all you can do!.

According to statistics reported by StopBullying.gov, between one in four and one in three students will face bullying at school this year. As a parent, this is a statistic that I do not want my child to be a part of—from either side of the fence. And as a Montessori school administrator, this is a topic that I navigate with families at least once every year. I believe that this statistic can change if we focus on empathy and community. Our daughter is almost 5 and has attended Montessori school her entire life, and we have a 10-month-old who is following his sister’s footsteps. Prior to having children and prior to becoming head of school, I was the lead teacher in a Children’s House classroom, which gave me ample experience in conflict resolution the Montessori way. Montessori schools are no exception to bullying behavior, of course, but the Montessori approach to dealing with these issues helps children develop respect and empathy from the moment they begin interacting with the world. Transferring this practice to our home environment is a continuing process! Their father and I are both Type A personalities and maintaining a home environment that clearly reflects the values our child is learning at school takes mindful practice on our part. Our daughter will often remind us to be more empathetic and clearer in our communication. We celebrate the kind confidence she conducts herself within such moments. As a parent, these are my key takeaways for how to create and support a culture of community in my home — to help combat bullying before it begins. Celebrate differences Most Montessori schools are extremely diverse — whether culturally, physically, or cognitively. Playgrounds and group classes (music, dance, etc.) are also great avenues for finding a diverse group of people to connect with. Grace and courtesy The Montessori curriculum includes building social skills and confidence, which at home translates into having an expectation of clear, respectful communication. Conflict resolution At our daughter’s school, the teacher will take the students who are having a conflict somewhere private and guide them to use problem-solving skills they’ve learned, such as using “I” statements. In my experience, the way a caregiver handles a conflict is key to providing a healthy example of how to deal with such interactions on their own in the future. Frank, honest conversations about behavior happen regularly in our family — whether it is while we are “debriefing” our day over dinner or during bath time. We also have a clearly stated expectation that our child will treat everyone with kindness, use grace and courtesy, and use the skills she has acquired in conflict resolution. Additionally, it is important to us that she not only conduct herself with kindness, but that she stands up for her peers. In these small ways, through developing empathy and community, we hope to contribute towards a change where every child has the opportunity to learn joyfully and safely. Lila Jokanovic is a dedicated Montessorian — both as a parent of two and as an educator. She holds a Master in Fine Arts and certification in Early Childhood education. She is the head of school at Council Oak Montessori School. Her writing has been published both nationally and internationally. Related content: [Member-only video] Protecting Your Child From Bullying 10 things I taught my daughter to prevent bullying 3 steps to make your child bully-proof

So your child is about to begin this huge stage of independent self-care and you have a million questions. Are they ready? Is it going to be a complete disaster? Will they cry? Will you? On the flip side, there’s the glory of no more diapers. Ever. Think of all the saved money you can stash away in that college fund. Not to mention, you really need a break. Plus, most preschools won’t let you drop off a kid who isn’t fully potty trained. Clearly, this has to happen. You survey your friends about what they did and then read a couple of potty training books you don’t have time to read. And yet, it still seems confusing and like a huge drag you’d rather put off till another day, month, year...perhaps forever. But what about preschool? This has to happen. When getting ready to potty train my own son, I had a crazy thought: Was there any way to make this fun? Not only for myself, but because I still vividly remembered a graduate psychology course in which we learned about Erikson’s second stage of development: Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt. Usually completed between 18 months and three years old, it’s the period when children first encounter shame — the message of “You are bad” instead of “You made a bad choice.” Without even realizing it, parents and caregivers often use shame in potty training, not understanding how it can affect their littles. [Related: Potty Training for All Abilities (members-only video)] Knowing this, I was determined to make potty training a shame-free and fun experience. Pictured is the exact behavior chart I used. The result? A fully potty trained kid in no time. Quick note: I also had a second chart just for potty training when out and about. Because children have different things they struggle with — one might fear pooping in general, while another won’t go to the bathroom at school — feel free to get creative and make a chart that fits your child’s needs. 1. Get out all of your craft supplies and involve your child in the process. 2. Draw a fun shape like a circle or star and section it off into however many days you choose. 3. Write a reward in each box. I tried to create as many non-food rewards as possible and added special “bigger” rewards along the way; for example, making slime was a big hit, as was “phone” time. 4. This is the most important step: Buy or gather all of the rewards and place them in one spot in your home. Make sure your child can see everything. The idea behind this is that they will not have to wait to get their reward. When my son saw everything lined up on top of the hutch, he immediately bought into the program and said, “I’m going to get everything on my chart.” [Related: Best Chicago playgrounds for the potty-training toddler] A few things to keep in mind: No time like the present Summer is a great season to start this adventure because your kiddos can be naked without freezing. Less clothing to fuss with in and out of the bathroom is a win for everyone. If you can, take a couple of days off or a long weekend to potty train. Stay close to home, play board games, go to the park, and enjoy time with your little one outdoors. (Added bonus if you’ve got a boy: they can always pee on a tree in a pinch.) That said, always consider... Timing The best potty training advice ever given to me came from my pediatrician, who said to wait for the child to show interest. I took my son shopping for undies and then asked him every day for almost a month if he wanted to wear a diaper or undies. After Day 26, he finally said “undies” and I had them on him so fast he never had time to look back. Patience This is not always a quick process. Try not to get discouraged or frustrated. I quickly learned that if I got upset so would my son. Children feed off of our feelings. I began to act like it was no big deal and with the pressure off, there was room for fun. Phrases to have ready “I would never ask you to do something I didn’t think you could do.” “We all make mistakes; it’s part of learning.” “You’ve got this potty training thing down.” Humor Dance parties were the biggest part of our success. Every time he went to the bathroom, we would celebrate. He even had his own potty touchdown move. Take your time with the process so you can appreciate the joy of watching your little one accomplish this huge milestone.

Not sure if you and your child are ready to kiss and go? Check out this 30-minute webinar presented by Michelle Lee of Fussy Babies Network, a project at the Erikson Institute. Lee gives a thorough overview of the causes behind separation anxiety as well as ways to calm you and your child's fears on the first day of school, including: * How to help children prepare for and cope with the transition to school * Strategies and tools you can use to prepare your child for school and to help them adjust to new routines * Identify and address forms of separation anxiety your child may be experiencing * How parents can manage their own feelings about this big step in their child’s life Note: This webinar is available to NPN members only. Not a member? Learn about the many member benefits and join now. Member only video

While nighttime control often occurs years later, mastering daytime bladder and bowel control is a process which takes, on average, six months for a child to complete. Urine and stool accidents are common during those months and should be expected. Toilet training regression, however, is defined as loss of these daytime skills long after the process is complete. It is understandably frustrating and concerning for parents when their child, several months diaper-free, suddenly refuses to use the toilet, begins having frequent accidents during the day, or develops some other unusual elimination behaviors. [Related: Best Chicago playgrounds for the potty-training toddler] If these daytime skills were truly mastered before the onset of regression, the first step is to rule out medical causes by meeting with your pediatrician. If the doctor determines there is no physical cause for the regression, emotionally stressful changes in your child’s life should be considered. Some common examples include: Fears (monsters, loud flushing noise, falling into the toilet, being sucked down the toilet) Illness of the child or a family member Pregnancy or birth of a new sibling Change in childcare environment Moving to a new home Parents’ marriage ending In such situations, it is important to remember that rather than lashing out physically with violence or tantrums, your child has found a relatively healthy way to cope with this stress. Using the following approach, however, you can help your child find even better ways to manage. Tell them you’ve noticed the change Do this with as much ambivalence in your voice as possible. Shame and guilt will likely be your child’s first reaction to learning their behavior has not gone unnoticed. It is therefore important you remove any hint of judgement from your tone and choice of words. Talk to them First, explain you aren’t mad at them, and it isn’t their fault. Next, ask if they know why this is happening. Depending on the verbal skills of your child, you may not be in the habit of asking their opinion yet. Even if they don’t have the words to explain what they are feeling, hearing you are interested in what they think is empowering. If they do offer any type of meaningful response, listen carefully to what they say, thank them for telling you, and sympathize with them as much as possible. Tell them you are proud of the good work they have done up to this point and that you know they will do better next time. [Related: How to make potty training your toddler fun. Yes, fun.] Brainstorm creative solutions alone as parents and also with your child Any practical steps to solving the problem are worth trying. Removing fear by making the toileting fun with songs or games. Spend special time together with your child separately from the new baby. Explore the childcare facility bathroom with your child and separately discuss the issues you’re having with their childcare or caregivers. Surround the potty with familiar objects or toys. Positively reinforce successes with sticker charts or other reward systems. If your child contributes any ideas, be certain to try them as well. Consider taking a break If your creative solutions don’t seem to be working (or, worse: creating stress and anxiety surrounding toileting), consider taking a break and returning to pullups for a few weeks. Sometimes taking a backseat for a bit allows your child to recognize they are responsible for learning this important skill. Encouraging this independence can be liberating for your child and lead to lasting success.

Dr. Debra Kissen sheds light on practical, easy-to-implement tips and tools to assist your child in moving past their fears. Watch the video below. If you have asked yourself any of the following questions, this webinar may be helpful to you: “Is my child’s behavior normal? Is it developmentally appropriate for my child to have these fears? How can I help my child meet her full potential? When is it time to get help?” This webinar will answer these questions and more, and give you the tools to help your child overcome anxiety. Note: This webinar is available to NPN members only. Not a member? Learn about the many member benefits and join now. Member only video

Anyone who is a parent knows that the job is tough. Really tough. If we moms and dads were really honest with ourselves, we'd have to admit that we had almost no idea what we were getting into when we brought that first baby home. The old saying about kids not coming with a training manual is true. And the problem of "What do I do with this kid?" is intensified for parents in our contemporary rush-rush, worry-worry world. The problem is that when parents don't quite know what they're doing and they're too busy to find out, they tend to shoot from the hip. Shooting from the hip can lead to two opposite, out-of-control parenting styles, neither of which is good for children. Let's call these two styles "Underdog" parenting and "Big Dog" parenting. The Underdog parent is a pushover. The children run the house and mom and dad tend to take a back seat. Where Big Dog parents are involved, however, it's the adults who intimidate and it's the kids who stay out of the way. Big Dog parents are T-Rexes in disguise. Underdog parents' behavior with their children is motivated primarily by anxiety and guilt. "Don't want to do anything to offend the children" and "If the kids are mad at me I must have done something wrong" are the overriding thoughts. Big Dog parents' behavior with their children, on the other hand, is dominated primarily by irritation and anger. "Because I said so!" and "Do what I tell you or else!" are the predominant themes. Underdog parents whimper, while Big Dog parents bite. Underdoggers plead with their kids like this: "Come on now, honey, don't you think it's time for bed? Why can't you just do this one little thing for me?" Translation (in other words, what does the youngster really hear?): "Even though you're my child, you're too strong and powerful for me. I haven't the slightest idea how to control you other than begging." Whimpering tells the children that they—the kids—are really running the show and that their parent is basically weak and helpless. Big Dog parents bite. They can bite emotionally as well as physically. Here's an emotional "sound bite": "What the hell's the matter with you!? You better start listening to me or else! How many times do I have to tell you?" Translation (in other words, what does the youngster really hear?): "You're no good, kid, and you never will be. If it weren't for me, you'd be in even more hot water." The Big Dog parent may throw in a spanking after the lecture to make sure the point is driven home. Big Dog parents bite. Not surprisingly, these two opposite forms of out-of-control parenting produce two different results. Kids from Underdog parents tend to become adults with a robust sense of entitlement. They think the world owes them a living and they try to push other people around. When life doesn't treat them like they think it should (which is inevitable), they blame everyone else for their misery. Our children from the T-Rex moms and dads, though, will become adults with a deep sense of insecurity and unworthiness. They'll think everyone else is better than they are and they'll tend to withdraw. Even if they do succeed at certain things, they won't be able to give themselves credit for what they've done. How can we interrupt this tragic cycle? Well, there is a book with an odd title, called 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12. In this book, parents will understand that their parenting job consists of three things: 1) controlling obnoxious behavior, 2) encouraging good behavior and 3) strengthening relationships with the children. And yes, specific, effective, tried-and-true and fairly simple strategies are provided in 1-2-3 Magic for accomplishing these three parenting tasks. The program is evidence-based—it works. But something stands between Underdog parents and their ability to adopt new strategies like 1-2-3 Magic. The same thing, in different form, stands in the way of the Big Doggers. It's their attitude. It's their view of parenting itself. Both of these kinds of impulsive, out-of-control parents need a major attitude adjustment before they can learn to become decent parents. Yes, useful advice for managing children is out there, but the Underdog folks and the Big Dog folks have to learn how to think differently before they can use these helpful suggestions. The attitude adjustments required here fall into three main categories: 1) appreciating the "rights" of family members, 2) understanding the effects of different parenting styles, and 3) accepting the need to switch to deliberate, thoughtful parenting strategies. Let's look at each of these. Rights. Underdog moms and dads need to understand that not only do they have a right to be a parent, but it is in everyone's best interests if they—the adults—do set limits. Kids not liking limits is normal. It is not a tragedy and it is not due to parental error. Big Doggers, on the other hand, need to appreciate that their children have rights. The kids have a right not to fear physical or emotional abuse from their own parents. Big Doggers need to consider the possibility that a home should not always revolve around the whims of the largest mongrel in the joint Effects of parenting style. Underdoggers need to realize that repeated parental whimpering creates Entitled Super Brats. Big Doggers need to realize that repeated biting eliminates kids' sense of self-worth. Deliberate parenting. Both types of parents, Big Dog and Underdog, need to accept the necessity of switching from an automatic/impulsive to a more deliberate/thoughtful approach to parenting. It's not that hard. "Parenting" primarily out of irritation and anger is not really parenting. Neither is "parenting" primarily out of anxiety or guilt. Both Big Doggers and Underdoggers need to see that simply engaging in emotional self-indulgence is bad for everyone in the family—including themselves. Good parenting advice is already out there. 1-2-3 Magic offers a ton of good suggestions. But for many moms and dads, the main thing that stands in the way of their becoming decent parents is a straightforward—though not easy—attitude adjustment.

All of us who live in Chicago pride ourselves on our ability to “hunker down” when it becomes unbearably cold out. What better way to deal with the Chicago Arctic than to sit around in PJs, drinking hot coffee and curled up with a good book, letting errands wait and leaving icy roads for someone else? Then come kids and their exasperation with being stuck inside when the threat of hypothermia is all too real. Telling my 6-year-old to read a book and enjoy some downtime while the outside freezes over would garner a similar reaction to my suggesting that Pokemon is passe: utter ridiculousness. Throw his 4-year-old sister into the mix, and I’ve gone from wearing a referee cap to donning full body armor. The fighting when there’s no place to go gets fierce. While parenting is challenging, it’s all the more real when weather conditions compromise our kids’ ability to get space from one another. While I am no means an overly creative parent, I have found that some proactive planning and expectation management can make a world of difference when the weather doesn’t quite allow for the breathing room our sunnier days permit. Make winter resolutions Why focus on a single day for your kids to set goals? When the winter is at its worst, I have challenged my children to come up with a few things they want to do prior to the return of spring. The goals don’t have to be significant—maybe read a few more books each week, finish a puzzle, learn the words to their favorite song—just enough to keep the focus on themselves and not competing with their sibling. Plan “You and Me” days Although an elementary concept, I try to plan one day a month for myself and my husband to spend a few hours one-on-one with each of our children, without their sibling. A movie, an art class, bowling—it’s usually something outside the home so that the attention is on one another, rather than someone competing for my attention. Not only is it good for my son or daughter to be alone from their sometimes nemesis, it refocuses me and makes me realize how I love those darn-adorable, quirky kids. Let ’em be Rather than try to intercept, one of the most valuable things I have learned is that they can generally work out their differences. While “figure it out” can lead to catastrophe, I’m often amazed to have sent my two bickering kids down to the basement, only to hear giggles and shrieks of laughter erupt as they have moved past their differences and on to trying to make each other crack up. While I am never sure how long the serenity will last, I will lap up those brief moments of affection like that hot cup of coffee I’m missing on the couch. Because we all deserve a little serenity now and then, don’t we?

Parenting an anxious child comes with the constant question: “How do I push my child and be comforting and supportive?” Unfortunately, there is not yet a perfect science to parenting or treating anxiety. But helping your child face the world with bravery over succumbing to the worry monster can be achieved with consistent and compassionate coaching. As a clinical psychologist, I am always looking for the best and most effective ways for parents to assist their child in developing healthy coping, and not encouraging anxious and avoidant behaviors. These 10 simple tips will help you and your child get through to the light at the end of the tunnel, a life where worry doesn’t win. 1. Validate your child’s emotional pain and discomfort. It may seem like your child is freaking out about "nothing" when, for example, she enters full tantrum mode to avoid being dropped off at a birthday party. But to your child, this is a tremendous deal. Think how bad it has felt in your own life when you were upset about something and someone responded to you and your pain with a sentiment such as “it is not such a big deal…you are fine.” How did you feel in that moment? We have all experienced the one-two punch of experiencing emotional pain and then beating ourselves up for having that pain. Give your child the gift of learning to recognize and acknowledge when she is experiencing emotional distress. Explaining an occurrence is not the same thing as “making an excuse.” Nonjudgmentally acknowledging when we are experiencing emotional distress is the first step in learning how to move through the unavoidable moments of suffering that are built into the human experience. 2. Educate yourself about "the body on anxiety." The discomfort children experience when they are in “anxiety mode” is real. Their brain’s fear response system (otherwise known as fight, flight, freeze) has been triggered and are now experiencing all of the physiological changes to their body that would occur in a true emergency. Their heart rate and breathing are increasing; blood flow is moving from their small muscles to their big muscles that are associated with fleeing, such as their arms and legs; and their pupils are dilating to allow them to see all potential dangers more clearly. All of these physiological changes would be quite helpful if they were in a real emergency. Thankfully, they are not in a true emergency when experiencing the false alarm of anxiety, but it feels to them like they are. 3. You can validate your child’s discomfort without buying into the “doom and gloom” predictions made by their anxious brain. Along with the physiological changes that occur when the “anxiety switch” has been flipped comes a change in thinking patterns. The world shifts from seeming predictable and safe to unpredictable and dangerous. Opportunities for failure, death and other unfortunate outcomes seem ever-present. Just because your child believes that terrible things are likely to occur does not make it true. Access your “wise mind” when your child is unable to access his. 4. Believe in the strength of your child. She cannot break. Anxiety is not dangerous and cannot hurt her, but avoiding life and age-appropriate experiences can.You don't need to shield her from life's challenges. 5. Model vulnerability. It is not only okay but powerfully healing to share with your child when you are struggling and scared. Struggling and fear are part of the human experience and she will learn it is all okay. 6. Create a family culture that nurtures taking chances and learning from mistakes over perfectionism. As an exercise, you can go around the dinner table and each take turns sharing one way you took a chance today. By highlighting meeting challenges head on you are reinforcing bravery over avoidance behaviors. This family exercise emphasizes how it is the journey of learning and experiencing life that truly matters, not the outcome of achieving or winning. 7. Teach your child how to identify when the "worry monster" has surfaced and is attempting to call the shots. It is incredibly helpful to come up with kid-friendly language to help your child make sense of his anxiety. In our first few sessions with children struggling with anxiety, we name and draw a picture of their “worry monster.” Some names my wonderful, brave little clients have come up with are: worry bully, “It,” Bob," and "Mr. Annoying," to name just a few. The function of this exercise is to assist your child in more objectively viewing her worries and fears vs. seeing the world through anxieties and fears. Once we learn how to identify when the “worry monster” has surfaced, we can next learn how to talk back and disengage from its taunts and negative predictions. 8. Pick your battles. You can't work on everything at one time. Determine the fear-based behaviors that are most negatively impacting your child and your family and create specific plans on how to address these behaviors. By trying to address everything, you will end up addressing nothing. 9. Learn to identify when your own “worry monster” has surfaced. Don't believe your own fears and worries that try to predict how much suffering your child will go through when they experience moments of anxiety. Although you may have experienced anxiety in your own life, it is no real indication of how it will go for your child. Kids are incredibly adaptable; they learn quickly that the best way past anxiety is through it. By facing one fear at a time, your child will quickly learn how brave, strong, and confident he truly is. 10. It is okay to get anxiety coaching from the sidelines. Therapy does not have to be a long-term, complicated endeavor. There is effective, empirically supported, short-term therapy available to assist your child and family when stuck and overwhelmed.

“Rachel did it,” I insisted, at three years old, when my parents asked why there was blue ink on our ecru walls and white couch. I was informing them that my sister, their devious daughter, was to blame. After a booming count to three (my father’s timeframe to “come clean”), I was punished for vandalism—and lying. As a child psychologist, I ask parents to list the concerns they have about their child. Although they may report behaviors such as yelling, hitting, or throwing tantrums, they often end with, “…but what bothers us the most is the lying.” Although parents may view their child’s lying as a personal affront, psychologists take a different perspective on the matter. In fact, there are two key reasons why I love lying. Reason #1: Lying is normal Lying is a normal stage in development and a sign of cognitive growth. Research shows us that, even by age two, children start to lie to their parents. The onset of lying coincides with—and likely requires—the development of (a) perspective-taking skills, or putting oneself in another’s shoes, what psychologists refer to as “Theory of Mind,” and (b) executive functioning skills, such as impulse control, flexible thinking, and the ability to hold information in mind when working through problems (working memory). Neurobiologically, all of these skills develop as the front part of the brain, called the prefrontal cortex, matures. Although my three-year-old brain was developed enough to know that lying was a good way to avoid punishment, I didn’t understand that blaming my six-week-old sister, who couldn’t hold a crayon, was essentially self-incrimination. I lied, but I was bad at it. Just as children learn to crawl before they learn to walk, their lying becomes more sophisticated over time. As you might guess, children become better liars as their perspective-taking, executive functioning, and prefrontal cortex develop further. Reason #2: Lying is a clue for parents Lying serves a purpose for the child, that is, to solve a problem. For example, when children have a problem (e.g., “I did something that will get me punished”), lying is one strategy to solve it (e.g., “If I lie, I won’t get punished”). Whether a child kicks, screams, cries, or lies, these behaviors have functions, and when parents tell me that their child lied to them, my goal is to identify the function of the lying. When we can understand the function of a child’s behavior, we can identify the problem that the child was trying to solve and, ultimately, teach the child more appropriate ways to solve problems (e.g., by telling the truth). What can parents do when their child lies? Despite my love of lying, it’s not a behavior we want to perpetuate and not one that parents want to reinforce. Therefore, to conclude, here are three tips for parents for when your child’s pants are on fire: 1. Along the lines of reason #2 above, reserve judgment about the lying, investigate the function of the behavior, identify the problem that your child was trying to solve, and teach your child more appropriate ways to solve problems. Collaborative and Proactive Solutions, an approach developed by Ross Greene, Ph.D., is an effective technique for parents to address their children’s challenging behaviors, including lying (see livesinthebalance.org). 2. Ask your child to promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Recent research shows that, when children promise to tell the truth, they are more likely to do so, even after committing a transgression. 3. Take a realistic, nuanced approach when talking with your child about lying. Not all lying is socially unacceptable. How many times have your parents said, “When you open Aunt Goldie’s present, be nice. Smile and tell her how much you like it.” Lying can be acceptable depending on the context. Learning to distinguish appropriate from inappropriate lying can be challenging for children.

My daughter Sophia, now 5, is one of the strongest willed people I have ever met. So when toddlerhood hit, boy, did she dig in her heels, especially around food. As a health coach, having her subsist on noodles alone wasn’t really an option for me. I was determined to help her get over her pickiness and tried a lot of different things to get her to expand her palate. I employed these tips and can happily say that she and her 3-year-old brother Sam now request salads for lunch and turn down anything with artificial colors. Here’s what worked for me. I set some healthy boundaries When I actually stopped and paid attention to when, what, and why I was feeding my kids, I realized that I was giving them a snack whenever they whined for them. By planning their snacks and allowing them to be a little hungry for their next meal, I found they were more open to eating what I had prepared. When I set up the new family rules around food (and was firm, calm, and consistent about enforcing them), of course they put up a lot of resistance at first. But once they knew that the firm boundary existed, they started to comply and the battles came less frequently. I made the healthy food fun Unfortunately, fruits and veggies don’t come in Elsa or Lightning McQueen packaging, so I found ways to make the healthier food more interesting for my kids. I found small cookie cutters, rice molds, colorful silicone muffin cups, colorful picks, and game-type plates to make the food more visually appealing as well as fun. I employed an incentive chart. The “Today I Ate a Rainbow” magnet chart gave a little added incentive to my kids to incorporate more produce into their meals. We’ve had it for a couple of years now and they still get excited to get a green star for eating cucumbers and orange stars for carrots. I got them involved in the kitchen Brussels sprouts. Never thought my kids would be excited to eat them, but I proved myself wrong by giving them the opportunity to help me in the kitchen and feed them into the food processor. They are always more interested in trying the foods that they’ve helped chop, measure, or mix. I gave them some choices “Broccoli or cauliflower for dinner?” If they have some say over what’s ending up on their plate, they have a little more buy-in and are more willing to actually eat the healthy foods. I’ve found that giving them that hit of power on the front end often avoids the power struggle on the back end. I educated and empowered I spent some time with both of them explaining why it’s important to eat a wide variety of foods, and which foods are the ”most of the time” choices versus the occasional treats. By educating them and empowering them to do what will serve their body best, I’ve found they go the route of making the better choice more often. Are there still battles? Sure. They’re kids — that’s what they do! But I have found that the struggles (and the struggles of my clients) have decreased significantly since I’ve employed these strategies. I hope you will see the same in your kids! Related posts: How I deal with my toddler's meltdowns Strategies for winning toddler sleep battles

We call them “slow motion meltdowns” in our house. I am a mom of a 20-month-old spirited boy. He wants what he wants, when he wants it. Don’t we all? My son knows how much it hurts to throw himself on the ground when I can’t catch him. So instead, he has perfected a slow-motion fall backward that ends with him crying, looking up at the sky. When talking to other moms, including my own, the common advice seems to be: “Just leave him there, and he will come around when he’s ready.” This didn’t feel right to me, and it didn’t seem to work for my son. I have been a mental health counselor for more than 10 years, and it was my time to practice what I preach: Get on the same level, listen, empathize, and give choices. Below are four techniques that have really helped me deal with my son’s tantrums. 1. Enjoy the view. My son’s worst meltdowns usually happen in a public place. One of these took place at the park on an unusually beautiful day. The sky was bright and the clouds were intensely white. I remember this vividly because, on that particular day, I decided to lay down right next to him. It was quite relaxing, and we both started talking about things we could see. Before I knew it, my stress was relieved, and he was back to a joyful mood. Getting on their level might look funny at times, but it works in taming those tantrums. 2. There is a good use for a newspaper. From early on, my little guy would get really upset when I couldn’t figure out what he wanted. I would grab a newspaper, start a tear at the top, and let him shred the rest. Even though he was upset at first, he resolved whatever was frustrating him fairly quickly using this coping skill. If you work in an office like I do, one of my favorite things is shredding paper. It’s satisfying, so why wouldn’t it work for our little ones? 3. Go outside no matter what. I think children get cabin fever like the rest of us, and they don’t know how to say what’s wrong. But we have learned that by taking him outside – even if just on the front porch – bundled up or otherwise, it really helps him reset his mood. 4. Ask if they want a hug. My son’s mini meltdowns could happen for any reason: I chose the wrong shirt; he got cookies instead of veggie straws; or Peppa Pig was on when he wanted Bubble Guppies. When they do happen, I ask if he wants a hug and reach my arms toward him, but I do not touch him. Then I wait a minute or two, and try again using the same approach. I continue to do this until he reaches his arms toward me. It’s important that I exercise patience and wait for him to accept – which usually takes two or three minutes before he is reaching toward me, wanting a hug. Despite its challenges, I love this stressful, fun, playful age. I hope these techniques will help bring you a little more joy through the meltdown phase. They do say it’s a phase, right? Related posts: 5 must-haves at your baby's first birthday Mine, mine, mine! How to mediate playspace tiffs

“What do I do when my baby reaches over and grabs another baby’s hair?” It's a common question at the playgroup I lead. As a teacher of young children—birth to three years—I see lots of exploration, curiosity and expression of wants that affect other children, as well as parents and caregivers. What is the best way to guide young hearts, hands and minds in a group setting? It’s important to remember the age of the child. I have seen two babies, sitting and facing each other, with one extending her hands to touch and grab the other baby’s hair. Now, the intent is curiosity, so there is no need for discipline in this instance, but there is a need to guide the curiosity so no harm is caused. If the touch becomes too aggressive, as in grabbing or pinching, we want the adult to take the baby’s hands and stop that action while saying “gentle” and then guiding that hand in a gentle way over the respective caregiver/parent’s arm. Then let the baby try to reach out again—if that baby was not shocked or hurt by the original action. This serves two purposes: showing babies about gentle touch and the way to interact that is socially accepted and safe, and showing the other adults that we are mindful of our child’s or charge’s behavior. When babies turn into toddlers, there is more awareness of actions and consequences. If a 16-month-old grabs a toy that another toddler is playing with and there isn’t an objection from the toy-holder, it does warrant the adult to step in and say something like, “Susan, your friend was playing with that toy. We need to give it back until she is finished and then it’s your turn.” Wait to see if Susan will return the toy. If she resists, then you tell her, “If you cannot give the toy to your friend, Mommy will help you.” Then the adult must follow through. Why do that, particularly when the other toddler doesn’t seem affected by it? This sets the stage for life. We cannot take or grab what is not ours; we have to wait our turn. If a fit ensues, then it is best to return the toy for your child and leave the classroom setting so that your child has time away from the environment and the class can continue without the disruption of crying or screaming. As your child approaches two years of age, and older, you can start encouraging her to say “sorry.” If she won’t, then you may stay with your child as you both approach the offended kid and give the apology for your child. Again, we are modeling the behavior we want our child to learn, and it shows the other adults that we are respectful of other children’s feelings, too. It takes a little time, but consistency is the best way to get positive results.

Oh, potty training. It’s something you look forward to (hello, end of diapers!) but in reality it is like you are going to war. And the worst part? You are under the command of a temperamental toddler who couldn’t care less about your expensive furniture or about taking a break from playing to sit on a cold, hard toilet. But here’s the thing: You will get through it. How? By being flexible, investing in some great carpet cleaners (and a bottle of wine if need be) and maintaining a sense of humor. I have two little boys, one who is totally and completely toilet trained and one who is still learning. As for me, I am continuously learning and what I have discovered most about the potty-training process is that I just need to let go because the process is different for everyone. [Related: Best Chicago playgrounds for the potty-training toddler] Here are some tips I’ve learned along the way that I hope can help you, too: 1. Let your child take the lead. Let’s face it, we all know that our children aren’t going to do something unless it interests them. So if they are continuously fighting you about sitting on the toilet or putting on underwear, listen to them. You can always try again next month. They will not be in diapers when they go off to college, I promise. 2. Make it a fun experience. We are book lovers, so we have turned bathroom time into book time. Keep great books nearby so you can read while waiting for some potty magic. 3. Track progress. Sticker charts can work very well to keep a child motivated and see progress. At certain increments, we take a visit to a favorite places to celebrate, such as a train restaurant or roller skating rink. 4. Pump up the positives and downplay the negatives. Your child will have accidents. It isn’t the biggest deal in the world. Simply clean up and remind him or her to use the potty when “that feeling” comes. And when the waste makes it into the potty? Throw the biggest celebration that you can. Positive reinforcement outshines negative reinforcement any day of the week. [Related: Potty Training for All Abilities (members-only video)] 5. Stop comparing. Is there a mom on social media boasting that her 18 month old is perfectly toilet trained? Good for her. Are you like me and having a much more difficult time toilet training one child versus the other? Parenting and comparing are a dangerous mix. Don’t give in. 6. Be prepared. Once your child is using the potty more frequently than a diaper, don’t expect it to be a cake walk. They will “have to go” when you are stuck in traffic and will occasionally refuse to go when not in the comfort of their own home. So be sure to always pack extra clothes, supplies and a potty seat wherever you go. Trust me. 7. Relax.

Being the sibling of a child with a developmental disability, learning challenge or other special need can be complicated. As with any sibling relationship, these brothers and sisters will play a variety of roles throughout life; playmate, confidant, teacher, protector, friend, enemy, follower and role model. Sibling relationships are often the longest-lasting relationships, and the “typical” sibling’s role will change over time, often taking on many of the concerns around caregiving that had been their parents’ jurisdiction during childhood. With over 4.5 million people with special needs in the United States, that leaves many brothers and sisters with a wide range of concerns and need for support. So what can we, as parents, do to support our “typical” children as they face a long-term journey with their special-needs sibling? Expect typical behavior—this includes conflict. Normal conflict is a part of healthy social development, even if it is difficult to watch. Typically developing children, like all children, get angry, misbehave and fight with their siblings sometimes. While it may make our lives more difficult, telling them “You should know better” or “It is your job to compromise” can result in feelings of guilt and undue pressure on the typical child. Have the same expectations around chores and responsibilities, to the extent possible and reasonable. Holding all children to similar expectations promotes independence and helps quell resentment that often stems from having two sets of expectations. Celebrate the achievements of everyone in the family. Having a child with special needs in the family makes attending events more challenging. As much as possible, one child’s special needs should not steal the spotlight from another child’s achievements. Acknowledging milestones of other children often requires arranging respite resources, creative problem-solving and flexibility on the part of all family members. The greatest influence on a child’s understanding of his or her sibling with special needs is the parent’s perspective. The meaning and purpose we find in life’s challenges has a greater impact on our well-being than the challenges themselves. Parents who find and utilize information and resources, and whose interpretation of their child’s disability is infused with peace and grace, model a healthy interpretation for all of their children.

Early in my son’s life, I was on the phone with one of my closest girlfriends, also the mother of a baby boy, and we were talking through the challenge du jour of parenting. (I think I was talking about finding a feeding routine that worked best for my son’s reflux, and she was talking about getting her son on a good nap routine). She said, “You realize we are in for a lifetime of this, right? It doesn’t end with solving these problems…we will worry about something else next, like how they are making friends in kindergarten, understanding their algebra homework, getting their driver’s licenses, taking the ACT, going to college…it’s never going to end.” Sheesh. She was right. The worrying possibilities can be overwhelming and endless. Here, however, are a few topics that often cause parents to worry, but rarely become problems. So cross these off your list! Irrational fears According to The Child Anxiety Network, 90% of children between the ages of 2 and 14 say they are afraid of something, such as loud noises, imaginary figures (monsters) and natural disasters (floods, earthquakes). Different fears arise at different times in a child’s development and usually go away on their own over time. If a child is fearful of things or events after a traumatic experience, or if the fear (and accompanying avoidance or physical discomfort) is impacting his day-to-day life, it may be time to seek treatment from a psychologist. Backwards letters (do not mean dyslexia) Misshapen letters—or letters that are turned around—are part of normal and expected development as children learn to interact with language. Many children who are perfectly bright and learning in a typical manner will write backward letters throughout second grade. Only when the backward letters accompany struggles with reading—such as learning phonics skills or remembering sight words—do we need to consider them an indication of a possible learning problem. If your child is in kindergarten or first grade, enjoy their writing, allow them to “read” it to you and tell you about the story they have written without correcting letter shapes or spelling. If your child is well into second grade and forming backward letters without experiencing any difficulty with learning to read, look into a handwriting program (like Handwriting Without Tears) that can help with the motor-memory piece of forming letters. If your child is any age and experiencing difficulty with early reading skills, look into testing and support both inside and outside of school. The kindergarten through second grade years are crucial years for both learning to read and forming a healthy sense of confidence around learning; difficulty during this window should be addressed immediately. Choppy reading aloud Like misshapen letters, reading aloud at an uneven pace is part of learning to read. If your child is reading to you and it does not sound smooth or harmonious, just listen and allow him to continue to work with the text. He is getting great practice with language, and your corrections may discourage him and cheat him out of chance to work out the text himself. However, if he is clearly frustrated, he may benefit from having an adult read the page first, then he can reread it. This activity can serve as a wonderful bridge to fluent reading. It is also possible that the book is not at his reading level—children often select books that are just a tad beyond their present knowledge and ability of phonics and word structure. The rule of thumb when it comes to selecting a book that is not too easy, not too hard, but “just right” (Goldilocks-style!) is the “five finger rule.” If a child picks up a new book, opens to the first page and, while reading this page, encounters five words that really stump her (keep track on her fingers), the book is probably too tricky right now.

As parents, we do everything we can to nurture our children’s physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual needs. Yet, despite our best efforts to raise our kids to be resilient and have a strong sense of self, we see more and more children the victims of bullying. When a child has healthy self-esteem, she is less likely to be the victim of bullying and more likely to make healthy choices that lead to a fulfilling life. In my work with parents, I have found three common ways we sabotage our children’s self-esteem without realizing it, making them more likely to become a victim of bullying at some point during their school years and make poor life choices. 1. Not recognizing how our past experiences and beliefs impact our kids. Often our children’s challenges reflect an unresolved challenge in us. I was working with a parent whose 12-year-old daughter was being bullied by other girls in her class. The first question I asked the mother was how she got along with girls in school. Her knee-jerk reaction was that she had no problem with other girls, but upon reflection, she realized that she did not have many friends and held a belief that girls were mean. Once she uncovered this belief, we talked about how this does not need to be true for her daughter. Within a few weeks, her daughter began feeling more empowered and befriended the main bully! Reflect on what beliefs you may hold that could impact your child’s self-esteem, and see how that belief doesn’t need to be true for your child. 2. Praising in a way that has our kids chasing praise and giving up rather than rising to challenges. Many parents give praise by saying things like “You did a great job cleaning your room,” and we think we are doing right by our kids. However, praising by evaluating your child’s result is actually damaging in the long run. When you evaluate and judge something your child has done, you take away your child’s ability to evaluate himself. Because self-esteem is something that he cultivates on the inside, it is important to praise in a way that has him evaluating himself as doing something good, rather than hearing it from the outside, which leads to chasing praise and feeling manipulated. Try describing and appreciating your child’s efforts by saying “You picked up everything in your room and made your bed….thanks for your help!” Praising in this way allows him to evaluate his work and tell himself something empowering like “I am a helpful person.” 3. Not giving our kids the space to solve their own problems. It’s hard not to jump in and solve every problem your child encounters, however you do them a disservice when you do. A great question to ask your child when facing a problem is “What do you think you should do to solve this problem?” I guarantee you will be astounded by the wisdom in the answer you hear! Allowing your child to think through the problem and come up with options will help her feel empowered and confident as she deals with challenges, and will set her up for good problem solving skills as she grows.

The interest in the "Managing Challenging Behaviors" workshop at last year's Developmental Differences Resource Fair was so great that we didn’t have time to answer everyone’s questions. Here are some of the questions attendees had, along with some suggestions from the experts at Tuesday’s Child, a behavior-focused program in North Center. Note that this advice applies to kids with and without developmental differences! Q: How do I deal with my child's Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde behaviors? A: Consistency is key—when the behavior changes, the parent must always behave in the same way. If the child is upset and unable to control their anger (frustration or disappointment), the parent should use the script she/he developed to help the child identify the feeling and gives the child a developmentally appropriate way to express that feeling. Praise when the child uses an appropriate way to express the feeling. If the child continues to throw the toy (I give two more tries), then I say, "Looks like you can't play nicely with this toy, let's take a break and try again after snack time." In the times when the child is playing nicely and behaving appropriately, praise. Shoot for a very high level of praise, 10 praises in an hour that tell the child very specifically what they are doing correctly. Q: What should I do with screaming behavior in a child with autism? A: When my son with autism screams and runs away, I always go after him, go down on his level. I use a very calm tone and tell him: "It's dinner time. We eat our meals at the table." I bring him back and try to have him eat. I don't force him to eat. I try to be consistent and use a calm tone, keep my words simple and the same. In general, I know my son screams when he's excited or angry but can't communicate. I try to be a good observer to try to figure out what the cause is, what happened before. Then I can facilitate him getting his needs met. If I can’t identify what he needs/wants -- sometimes, a snack is enough to soothe him. Or, I'll try to redirect him to an activity he likes to do such as jumping on his trampoline or a direct pressure sensory activity to regulate him.. I also try to give him choices as to what he wants to do so he feels more in control. Q: How can I stop twin boys who fight all day long? A: The parents may want to clearly specify what the limits or "rules" are for their family. A visible chart could be made listing the rules (We use our words, We cooperate, We ask for help when we need it). Teach the boys to use their words and be firm if they don't like what the other brother does. "Stop hitting! I don't like it. That hurts!" coupled with "I want a turn to play with the toy," or "When will it be my turn?". This will allow for the boys to try to resolve issues for themselves. Catch verbal arguments and praise (e.g., “Good using your words – do you need my help?”). If the boys tend to fight over the same activity/things, try designating specific times for each child to perform certain activities. For example, on odd dates, one brother gets to pick the TV shows to watch for the day, sit in a special spot at the table/in the car, take a bath first, etc. Then on the even days, the other brother gets to have these privileges. In this way, the parents aren't making the decisions about who goes first or gets to do which activity. Q: What happens when stickers don’t work, aren’t appealing, are unreasonable or not possible? A: At Tuesday’s Child, we would look at this question as “How to Use Reinforcers Effectively.” First, is the behavioral goal attainable? Do reinforcers need to be dispensed more frequently? And, is the reinforce something the child really wants, not just something parents will tolerate. Using positive reinforcers like tokens, or chaining a more preferred activity after a less preferred activity facilitate teaching a child good habits like cooperating with simple routines like dressing, or getting homework done. Learn more about our annual Developmental Differences Resource Fair and sign up to attend.

Even though you may believe that the sole purpose of your children’s fighting is to drive you crazy, they are actually exhibiting basic survival behavior. Human survival is based on ability to get needs met. Children need food, shelter, clothing and their parent’s attention. When your attention is in limited supply (and whose attention is NOT in a limited supply these days?), your children will do whatever it takes to get you focused on them again. While many people believe that it is best to let your children figure out how to get along, many children have not yet developed the language or skills to always negotiate fairly. A few good ways to help children navigate conflict are to: Model the behavior that you would like to see regarding conflict. Keep your own emotions in check and work hard at talking through your disagreements with other family members. Set firm ground rules about the behavior that is expected in your family and review the expectation during a time of peace. For example, tell your children that “we do not tease each other in this house” rather than yelling “your teasing is driving me crazy.” Making general house rules helps diffuse children’s feeling that they are being singled out because you favor another child. Children feel better about rules that sound like they apply to everyone equally. Don’t compare your children. Avoid setting them up against each other and setting the stage for hurt feelings. Even caring labels like “the athlete of the family” or “our quiet one” can be seen by children as measurement of worth and favoritism. Reward good behavior. Parents tend to get involved when things escalate. Be sure to take time to notice siblings helping each other, negotiating with each other or playing well together. Take 5-10 minutes per day to give each child a little undivided attention. Even a short burst of attention has been shown to reduce negative attention seeking behavior significantly. When everyday sibling rivalry turns into ongoing threat of physical harm, repeated emotional harm or ongoing destruction of property, parents need to step in and consider professional help. This intense and ongoing interaction between siblings is called sibling aggression or sibling bullying and the effects can be even more profound than when bullied by a stranger. Research has shown that those who were physically assaulted, had their toys stolen or broken or endured emotional abuse that made them feel frightened or unwanted by their sibling had higher levels of depression, anger and anxiety than those who did not.

You walk into the kitchen to find an open bag of cookies on the counter and your child with chocolate on their face. You ask, “Did you eat the cookies?” Of course, the response is, “No.” And you just wish for an honest answer. How often does this happen, whether in interactions with your child, a co-worker or the used car dealer? Here are a few strategies to increase the likelihood of getting an honest response. Do not ask a question that you already know the answer to. Lying is a normal, defensive response to avoid conflict or negative consequences. We all hope to not get caught when we mess up. So rather, say, “I see that you ______ (whatever action you want to address). Tell me what happened.” Ask open-ended questions. Asking “What homework do you have tonight?” will most likely evoke a different response than if you ask, “Do you have homework tonight?” It is easier to respond with the one word “No,” especially when we are trying to avoid something. Ask specific questions. How often do you find you get the response of “good” or “fine” when you ask, “How was your day?” or “How are you?” These are programmed responses. So instead, if you know your child painted pictures in preschool today, say, “Tell me about painting” and “What other activities did you do today?” These questions often garner more information. Ask both positive and negative-assumption questions. Ask not only, “What was your favorite part about school today?” but also, “What did you struggle with most during soccer practice?” We tend to avoid discussions of unpleasant things. By making assumptions that everyone experiences challenges, struggles and frustrations, you will elicit a more accurate description and response. Finally, trust your instinct. How many times have you just known that someone was not telling you the whole story or was leaving something out? Circle back and continue to ask specific questions. Reflect back, “I don’t seem to understand. Tell me more.” You may just find you get a clearer picture of whatever you are seeking. Of course, there are no guarantees that you will get an honest response but these tips should foster communication with your children, and others in your life, and help you feel more assured in the responses you do get.