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This webinar is about the ups and downs of parenting a baby during a pandemic. You will walk away from this webinar with an understanding of your baby’s emotional states, how to connect with your baby, and what to do when things feel hard.

COVID and PTSD. Both of these words are in all-caps because they are words that mean more than the one word itself. COVID is our generation’s first and only pandemic that has been so charged that we often find ourselves saying phrases like, “I have PTSD,” or “I am OCD.” However, it is important to define the words we are using. In narrative therapy, we focus a lot on wording as a way to validate and change our negatives to more positive biographies of our life. My goals for this piece are to define PTSD and provide ways to increase self-care. My hope is that after you read this, you will be able to help those who are struggling, and validate your own trauma if the terms resonate with you. In the end, I want everyone to know that therapy and self-regulation can have successful and lasting results. PTSD defined According to the American Psychiatric Association, PTSD has several qualifiers. I have condensed the criteria to the most common symptoms related to one’s experience in relation to COVID. Please keep in mind that only a licensed professional can diagnose PTSD and that symptoms must last more than one month and create distress and impairment with your daily activities at work, home, school, etc.: The person was exposed to: death (watch the virus take hold of a loved one) or threatened by death (having the virus and fearing death). After such an event the person re-experiences the trauma through upsetting memories, nightmares, or flash-backs. A person then avoids trauma-related stimuli such as thoughts or feelings or external reminders (hospitals, masks, etc.). Followed by negative thoughts or feelings for example, the inability to recall key features of the trauma, decreased interest in activities, feelings of isolation, negative affect. All of these symptoms then create alterations in arousal and reactivity such as: irritability or aggression, risky or destructive behavior, hypervigilance, heightened startle reaction, difficulty concentrating, and/or difficulty sleeping. [Related: Self-care during COVID: Creating your own pandemic slowdown] PTSD and COVID In the context of COVID, here are a few ways that PTSD can come about: If you witnessed your loved one suffer, panic, or gasp for breath. If you have seen you love being taken in an ambulance to the hospital not knowing if they are going to survive. If you are a first responder who has been treating COVID patients for several months and inevitably losing patients along the way. If you didn’t know if you would make it through after getting COVID. Medical trauma is being talked about more and more with COVID. PTSD can be caused by birthing trauma, strokes, heart attacks, or any operation/illness in which one is fearing death. It is important to note that feeling afraid to go into crowds is not a symptom of PTSD in and of itself. There is a lot of anxiety that has increased as a result of the virus, but unless you have witnessed or been threatened by death, it is not PTSD. Once you have identified symptoms of PTSD and been diagnosed, you will be able to start the path of healing. These are real experiences and the way that the body tends to process trauma is to RELIVE it until you can REPROCESS it and allow your body to RELEASE it. How to start healing Therapy, therapy, therapy. I am a therapist so you won’t be surprised to hear me say that everyone should try therapy at some point in their life. For individuals with trauma, therapy becomes even more important. Talking it through with someone who is trained in working with trauma will allow you to have a space to share your biggest fears and to release that fear in order to heal and find peace. There are other modalities that we are finding to have awesome results as well, such as: biofeedback, EMDR, and Stellate ganglion block (SGB). Whatever process you choose, I can guarantee you won’t regret it. [Related: What it's like to be a parent with COVID] Mercy and grace Offer this to yourself and others whenever possible. Let yourself off the hook for not doing the dishes, take a self-care day with Netflix, ask for an extension on a work project, go for a long drive to clear your mind. No one can take better care of you than you. Care kit My recommendation for all of my clients right now is to make yourself a care kit. Take a big basket or box and fill it with items that you love and that bring you joy. My box has a cozy blanket, my favorite raspberry herbal tea, lemon and rose oils, fancy hand cream, crochet needles and yarn, embroidery kits, sudoku books, magazines that I haven’t read but have wanted to, snacks, a list of movies I want to watch, etc. What will yours include? Once you’ve put on your metaphorical oxygen mask, make a box for everyone else in your house. Think of the fun your kids will have on a rainy/snowy/boring day. For couples, this could be a fun activity! In making boxes for each other you will both be truly showing each other you care and giving items that will help increase one another’s mood and joy. Above all, please remember to be safe, check on your strong friends, and ask for help!

The devastating effects of the COVID-19 pandemic continue to mount as parents, caregivers, and families across the country navigate unprecedented challenges. Anxiety and uncertainty have become the norm, and as pandemic fatigue sets in, parents are grappling with ways to support their children’s healthy development and help them cope. At Erikson Institute, a graduate school specializing in child development, our mantra is “relationships, relationships, relationships.” In the challenging circumstances we’re all facing, supportive relationships with each other are what can sustain us the most. Think about what you want your child to remember most from this unusual time, and try to create as much connectedness and joy as possible for all of you. Here are 7 tips for parents of young children navigating COVID-19. 1. Take care of yourself first. Children look to the adults in their life for cues about how safe they are. Having solid self-care routines and their own healthy ways to cope can help parents be as steady a role model as they can for their child. When children see you coping, it helps them to cope, too. [Related: Self-care during COVID: Creating your own pandemic slowdown] 2. Speak honestly and openly with children about the pandemic, but keep it simple and brief. Young children don’t understand everything going on during difficult times, but they feel better if they know&nbspsomething. Reassure them about how people can stay safe, using examples they can see like wearing masks or washing hands, and talk with them about any fears they might have. Point out the people who are responding to the crisis. In the words of Fred Rogers, “look for the helpers.”  3. Try to keep a routine at home. Young children thrive on routine—it helps them know what to expect so they can have a sense of control. A simple visual schedule for breakfast, playtime, nap, etc. is one strategy parents can use. Let your kids come up with items to put on a calendar, and don’t forget to include special events they can look forward to, like virtual playdates or a pillow fight night. If you’re working from home, creating your own simple visual schedule can help your children know when you’re available to them.   4. Let them play! Encourage your child to follow their own interests for play and (safe) exploration. It may look like “just play,” but there is a lot of learning going on. Pretend play is an especially important way for children to work out fears and stresses. Invest time in finding high-quality children’s tech content. If you can’t watch or use the technology with them, find content they can engage with on their own. [Related: Help your kids capture memories of this strange year] 5. Make a game of social distancing and hygiene, or do a project together. This can give children fun ways to retain important information and can help them feel more in control during this scary time. Help them create masks or handwashing signs to put around your home as reminders, or give them turns to be the “reminder boss.” Consider doing a project together to help other people, like thank you emails or drawings that can be sent to hospitals or grocery store workers.  6. If you or someone in your family gets sick with COVID-19, try to help children anticipate what will happen. Illness during this time can create even more worry and stress for you and your children. Talk about what’s going on in words children can understand. Explain clearly what is going to happen, especially if they have to be separated from you or a loved one, and emphasize what you and others are doing to make things better.   [Related: What it's like to be a parent with COVID] 7. Don’t hesitate to seek help from an outside source. Erikson’s Center for Children and Families offers therapy sessions with parents remotely (by video or phone). They can be reached at 312-709-0508. 

NPN and Dr. Dave Drelicharz recorded a 30-minute Zoom discussion on delivery protocol, pediatric visits and telemedicine practice during the pandemic. Dr. Dave also fielded questions from the audience, specific to COVID-19, school and children as well as a bit on the current climate with the pending vaccination rollout. Please note the video starts 2 minutes into the segment as there was a glitch in recording in the beginning. Member-only video

Every patient encounter I have these days ends with the question, “So, doc, what should I do about my child going to daycare or school?” The question is general, and yet very personal. Each family has to weigh the risks and benefits, the costs both financial and emotional, and the balance of work and child safety that affect them. While this is an individual decision, each family is part of a community; at this time, more than ever, each family has to share in the communal responsibility to keep all of our children safe. Social distancing, wearing a mask, hand washing — you’ve heard these measures multiple times. But what else can you do? Be mindful of the following suggestions to keep your family and others healthy. [Related: What to expect when you're expecting during Covid] Sniffles Certainly, not every sniffle in your child is going to be due to coronavirus, but you have to act as if it could be. This means keeping your child home from daycare or school if they have the sniffles to see what else, if anything, develops over the next few days. If nothing else develops, you will need to have a discussion with your pediatrician about when it is safe to resume normal activity. Fevers Fevers have always been a reason to stay home and take good care of yourself. Not every fever is due to coronavirus, but you have to consider that it could be. This means potentially seeking care from your pediatrician earlier than you might have before. We will be there to evaluate and treat for all of the other causes of fever, cough and pain, too. Please: No treating your child with Tylenol or Motrin to “cover the fever” just to send them to school that day. Flu vaccine Pediatricians have long recommended yearly flu vaccines to help protect your child and your whole family from getting influenza. This year, more than ever, getting the flu shot could help decrease the potential for two similar illnesses (i.e., influenza and coronavirus) to be circulating at the same time. The flu shot is safe, and while it isn’t always a perfect match, it gives you more fighting power against the flu than not getting the shot. [Related: Supporting your gifted child during Covid] Emotional health Know that you aren’t alone. Children of all ages show different signs of stress — stuttering, poor sleep, poor appetite, tummy aches, acid reflux, recurrent bedwetting, poor grades, experimenting with drugs or alcohol, etc. You may feel more alone this year without your network of class parents or friends to discuss your child’s behavior. Your pediatrician is there to help and should be your resource to discuss your concerns. This year may pose many challenges, but we all have the same goal: a healthy educational environment for your child.

Presenters Pamela Epley, PhD, and Jena Valdez, MS, Adjunct Professor, both of the Erikson Institute, offer practical guidance and strategies you can use to support social interactions, learning and development for young children with developmental differences during Covid-19. They will also cover the roles and responsibilities of the U.S. Office of Special Education Programs in supporting students with IEPs during remote and hybrid learning.

As the new school year approaches amid the Covid pandemic, we all find ourselves approaching it with a heightened sense of apprehension with a new normal of social interaction. The previous school year concluded with distance learning and parents temporarily thrust into educator roles and many are anxiously wondering what will happen this fall. It’s impossible to know what the future holds, and with no clear roadmap, parents who have been managing anxiety are now struggling. The coronavirus has caused significant disruptions to everyone’s daily life, and children are particularly feeling all of these changes as the new “normal” continues to shift. These changes come with a mix of new emotions as the new school year quickly approaches. Some may be hopeful with the excitement of in-person while others may be fearful of returning to the social stressors. Regardless, it is our job as caregivers to support our children in exploring their many feelings while providing a sense of calm to ease anxiety. But how can we do that in a time like this? [Related: 4 tips for managing your kids' coronavirus anxiety] We often try to soothe our children’s anxieties by having “all” the answers, and you may feel exhausted by trying to force things to be certain. In this situation, it is important to let go of control as nobody is sure of what the future of school looks like. Become a safe space for your child by bringing awareness to the uncomfortable feeling of uncertainty that we are all experiencing. This will be tough but worth it, as figuring out how to manage anxiety and tolerate the uneasy feeling are essential skills for everyone these days. Here are some tips on how to navigate conversations about the upcoming school year with your child. Empathize and validate. Encourage your child to express any fear or anxiety while letting them know that what they are feeling is normal. Use curiosity. Children may have fears revolving around bullying, e-learning, conflicts with friends, or being separated from you. Ask open questions and actively listen while talking through strategies to help your child improve problem-solving skills and feel empowered. Emphasize what is predictable. With the uncertainties of the method of schooling these days, focus on what a child can expect—learning new things, interacting with a teacher, etc. Continue practicing. Have the family wear a face mask at home in a variety of situations. This can be playing a board game, coloring, or watching a family movie. Doing this will help with not only the potential to return to classrooms but going to places like the grocery store. Shift back into a routine. Routines promote feelings of safety and can give a child a sense of control. Create an expected school routine by following bedtimes, getting ready in the morning, etc. [Related: Will my relationship survive this virus?] Provide reassurance. Revisit the safety measures in place to help keep children and teachers safe. This can ease anxiety about their safety in public spaces. Be honest. It’s okay not to have all the answers! We cannot solve all of our children’s problems, but sometimes they don’t need solutions—just to feel understood and supported. Admit that you wish you knew what the future of school looked like, but the reality is that you don’t. You are unable to make all the decisions now, but you will when you have the information you need. With honesty, you are sure not to make promises you can’t keep. Acknowledge the uneasiness. It is difficult to sit in the uncomfortable feeling of anxiety as we tend to avoid or resist it. Begin to notice and gently observe what is happening in your body to increase your ability to handle it. By doing this with your children, it will model that it is okay to feel this way—even grownups do! Focus on what you can control. It’s easy to get caught up in the unknown and “what ifs?” Notice when this is happening and gently shift to focusing on what is within your control to stay in the present moment. Be kind to yourself. Being a parent in the best of times is already the hardest job in the world. It is impossible to avoid anxiety right now but doing the best you can is all you can do!.

Looking back at the first phase of the COVID-19 pandemic, as much as I was telling myself that everything was OK, I was dealing with my own internal panic: I can’t go to Trader Joe’s anymore because they don’t do Instacart. Eek. I am going to have to live with Instacart never getting my grocery order right. Eek! I am not going to get any work done because I will have to share my workday schedule’s blocks of free time to homeschool. Eek. My kids won’t have their normal Saturday activities and are going to become brain-dead from too much screen time and no social interaction. Eek. I will never have any space or time for ME. EEK! I am going to have to spend Mother’s Day with my family and not at the spa. Eek, eek, eek! I am not going to be able to hang out with my girlfriends because we really should be just hanging out outside (this was early in March/April). Eek. I like to workout online, and if I don’t work out I am not going to fit into my summer clothes. Eek, eek, eek. Summer camp is canceled and I still have to work full-time so they are probably going to have one of the worst summers ever (major mommy guilt). EEK. I internalized my personal freak-out as to not add to the anxiety my friends were already experiencing (but definitely let my husband hear it a couple of times). In the absence of a full-on panic attack, these were the thoughts going through my head the first 45-60 days. There was no silver lining—just me holding on as tight as I could to “normal,” all while trying to help keep my family safe and healthy. [Related: Help your kids capture memories of this strange year] After a while, I unintentionally fell into a new groove—and one not marked by rushing home from school pick-up to do dinner and homework; one free from spending Saturdays running ragged trying to fit in grocery store shopping between kid activities. (Because yes, I am the mom who tries to fit in too much in an unreasonably small amount of time.) I slowly started to experience what I am calling my “pandemic slowdown”: Sleep: I was not waking up for 5am workouts after too little sleep, and I was allowing myself to wind down and actually get in the bed at a decent hour. Cleanliness: Something about a house out of sorts increases my stress level, so I became more consistent at doing a little every day to keep the house clean and neat, versus saving it all for Sunday afternoons and burning myself out. Not only did it bring my stress level down, but it actually allowed me to enjoy my home. Hobbies: Typically, I used vacations as an excuse to dive into books. But with nowhere to go, I fell back in love with reading light, fun fiction. I also discovered adult coloring books (great for mindless relaxing!). Exercise: Live Zoom classes are not that bad; they give me a sense of normalcy and something to look forward to in the absence of not yet being ready to go to the gym. I have actually grown to enjoy this new normal. While I have never been a fan of working from home, I appreciate the absence of fussing with the kids to wake up and get dressed, and then rushing home from work and doing homework and cooking. I choose not to think about the brain cells that my children are annihilating every day with the exorbitant amount of screen time they are getting because, at the end of the day, they are not going to die from it. I have physically felt myself slowing down. And although my 7- and 9-year-old can’t articulate it, I know that they have felt the slowdown, too (in the absence of Mommy and Daddy fussing at them to move faster and hurry up). [Related: A pediatrician's guide to keeping your kids—and your community—safe from flu and Covid] Now, don’t get me wrong. While the slowdown has been awesome for my physical and mental health, I still grapple with my fair share of mommy guilt. My kids are literally screen zombies for a ridiculous amount of time each day. I still give my husband the occasional side-eye when I feel like he is not doing his fair share. Homeschooling while working is still like oil and water. But at the end of the day, I feel blessed because when we do get back to normal (whatever that new normal will be), I know I am going to PAUSE and make sure that I am not just throwing my family back into the crazy tempo we once had. If there are any blessings from this pandemic, it will be me and my family slowing down and focusing a little bit more on what matters most. I hope that you are encouraged to do the same.

My husband brought it in. At least, that’s what we think. We still have no idea where exactly he picked up the coronavirus, but it came into our house around mid-to-late March and upended our newly sheltered-in-place world. He first went down with extreme fatigue. He would occasionally shiver, and he had a cough, though not an entirely dry one, so we played multiple rounds of “allergies, flu, or COVID?” Tests were still in very rare supply at this point, reserved for only the sickest, most at-risk, and – apparently – famous. His doctor informed him to isolate in our house and call them if he got worse. Isolating in a condo in the city without a spare bedroom proved challenging. And by “challenging,” I do, of course, mean “impossible.” [Related: Will my relationship survive this virus?] His sickness lasted about three days before he recovered. I was responsible for getting supplies, entertaining/feeding our 5- and 3-year old kids, trying to keep them away from my husband, and monitoring how my husband was doing. During this time the kids were just...off. They were cranky, displayed some behavior regressions, and were generally lackadaisical, but they never had fevers, nor did they complain of sore throats or aches. We attributed it to adjusting to the new “shelter-in-place-no-school-no-friends-more-screens” life they were suddenly living. We watched a lot of Frozen 2. (This behavior, it might be worth noting, has yet to change.) In hindsight, they most likely had (generally) milder, kid versions of the virus. As my husband recovered, I went down. I first got a sore throat, a headache that made my brain feel like it was about to explode out of my skull, and felt extremely achy. The fatigue then set in. I started coughing a dry, from-the-lungs, deep cough that got progressively worse. The second day I felt...better. A lot better. I was up and about, energized and convinced I had just contracted a gross spring bug, and nothing to worry about at all. Anecdotally, this one-day early recovery is common early on with the coronavirus, and some people even recover fully from this point. I wasn’t so lucky. I went down again on my third day of symptoms and didn’t get back up for another five days. I was so tired I could barely sit up. I would cough so hard I would almost throw up. The chills and aches were so bad I would lie in bed physically shaking, even though my fever never went above mild at most. I started to get out of breath going 10 feet from my bed to the bathroom. If I happened to do something that required a lot of exertion – say, going 15 feet to the kitchen for water – I would be out of breath for a few minutes. My lungs started feeling like they were burning if I did anything more than lie down, or if I had just had a bad coughing fit. I slept a lot. And when I couldn’t sleep anymore, I would just lie in bed and stream episode after episode of Love Island: Australia, an activity that required fewer brain cells than sleep. [Related: 4 tips for managing your kids' coronavirus anxiety] We ordered a lot of delivery foods during this time, since our whole house was under strict quarantine. My husband carried Lysol with him when he took the dog out, so as to try not to infect our upstairs neighbors using shared doorknobs. I burst into tears with feelings of guilt wondering if I had infected anyone when I had made an essential run to the grocery store in the week prior to any of us being sick (masks at this point were not available, let alone common). We had always been very clear with the kids about the virus, and why they were home from school and why things like their soccer class was suddenly being held via video. While they wanted me to hang out, or watch Frozen 2 with them, they seemed to understand I couldn’t. I wanted nothing more than to squeeze them. Both my husband and I were supposed to be self-isolating. Unfortunately, there is no guide on self-isolation when both parents are still both sick and presumably infectious and you have two preschoolers in the house who need to eat, play, and be put to bed. Because my husband was functional and I was not, we had to make the choice for him to continue caring for them. Around day five my doctor told me I had a presumed case of COVID-19. At this point, she said, most people recover. Some people – and there was no telling who, or why – would not, and would take a nosedive. If that nosedive happened I was to go straight to the hospital because I would need oxygen. My husband and I had a distinct talk about what my wishes were if I were to go into the hospital and need to be put on a ventilator. We talked calmly about end-of-life decisions. Luckily, I started to recover. The isolation period our doctor suggested was 10 days from the start of symptoms, though we all isolated for longer. I started to have periods of feeling semi-functional, only to crash later. Those times of feeling better started to get longer and longer, and my husband resumed working from home again as I “watched the kids,” which mostly consisted of – you guessed it – watching them watch Frozen 2 or Star Wars. After about two weeks, I felt like myself again. I started exercising, even. It’s been several months since we went through this. We’ve learned a lot about the virus, but also about how fallible the testing is, even when you do get a test. (There are almost no false-positive tests, but worryingly up to 30% false negatives.) The antibody tests seem just as fallible, only with the opposite problem of over-predicting positives. We continue to follow the protocols: we wear our masks, socially distance, and bake an absurd amount of banana bread. My family came through this relatively unscathed and I realize just how lucky we are. I’ve let a lot of things I thought were important go. My house is a mess, but my kids are happy, healthy, and able to play. I will never again take for granted this time when my kids are playing happily and I’m able to watch them.

The coronavirus can be scary for kids. Kids pick up on information and emotions from the adults around them, and some kids may become worried or anxious about this information. Here are some tips for how to best support your child when presented with worrisome information. Focus on what you can control In a society overwhelmed with news and information, worry around COVID-19 can make us feel helpless and out of control. It is hard to believe or find a way to gain some sense of action and control. What we can focus on is what we can control: ourselves and those we care for. You can be an active participant in stopping the spread of illness and germs by washing your hands regularly and well and avoiding touching your face. Thorough hand washing is proven to reduce the spread of illness and germs. Read more science behind handwashing. Read evidenced-based material In a time of pandemic, we are quick to absorb all the information we can find. Unfortunately, not all information we find is rooted in factual and/or evidence-based information. To ease anxiety, it can be helpful to refer to sources that are objective and evidenced-based. Some sources include but are not limited to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention and the Chicago Department of Health These sources are frequently updated and reviewed by individuals whose roles are to ensure this information is accurate and updated. The CDC’s responsibility is to keep the public healthy and safe. Outlining the CDC’s role in health and safety for children will help your kids understand that there are professionals who are monitoring what is best for the public. Practice self-care Self-care is not only beneficial for getting our minds off of worry-provoking ideas or situations, but it also helps our overall well-being. Self-care looks different for each child; teaching your child to understand what they enjoy and seek out these activities is the first step to consistently practicing self-care. Self-care can be physical, mental or emotional. Ideas for physical self-care: Eating healthy Going for a walk, bike ride or scooter ride Drinking lots of water Sleep! Stretching or yoga Getting a hug Taking an extra long bath Playing with your pets Dancing Playing a fun sport Ideas for mental self-care: Being silly with a friend over video chat Coloring or making art projects Alone time Playing a board game Reading a book Singing Helping others Being in nature Ideas for emotional self-care: Make a list of things you’re thankful for Telling a joke Cuddling with your family and pets Writing thank-you notes Practice positive self-talk Saying "I love you" Talking about feelings and emotions Stock up on fun activities Since large activities are being canceled, having a stock-pile of fun home activities will help keep you and your child occupied. Some ideas to stock up on: Save scraps of newspaper and paper for crafts Save your boxes, strings, and other materials to make musical instruments Create homemade Playdough using flour and water Make a playlist of your family’s favorite songs for a dance marathon Take pictures of your family treasures and create a virtual scrapbook Gather dish soap and bubble wands to make homemade bubbles Create a dress-up box Write a story, or play to perform, or play charades Guest authored by Annie McGunagle, MSW, LCSW, and Leah Dunleavy, M.A., BCBA, OTR/L, OTD. If you’re noticing your child continues to express worry more than other children, reach out to a health care professional for further support. Eyas Landing offers social work services for children with worry. Check us out at eyaslanding.com.

If I possessed one superpower, I would disregard flying, teleporting or telekinesis. I would simply want to stretch our 24-hour days to have more time. That was one of the most surprising transitions for me as a new parent: clocks no longer mattered because you can’t finish all the things that are on your list — and there’s even less time to unwind. But I’m a firm believer that we were each a person before we were a parent, and maintaining some semblance of your interests is core to avoiding burnout. Remembering the activities that gave you energy before you had kids is an important first step. The harder next step is carving out time to do those activities. But I think both things are possible: making time for yourself and being a good parent. How can we be a light to others if we’re burned out? From one parent to another, here are my five tips* to beat off burnout before it happens: Be honest with yourself. Do you feel on the brink of flipping out about something tiny? Not being your best self with your kids? This is typically a good sign that you need a break. Even a short one can make a difference. Parenting can feel as if you’re on a hamster wheel. Stop running. Understand that self-care isn't selfish. Caring for yourself is necessary, not indulgent. Reading for 15 minutes in bed or enjoying a cup of coffee you didn’t have to re-warm 9 times can be self-care. While a trip to the spa is wonderful, self-care doesn’t have to be luxurious, expensive, or time-consuming. It just has to be for you. Take the pressure off of social media. When you see on Instagram that another mom baked homemade cookies or DIYed all their kid’s birthday decorations, remind yourself they may enjoy baking or crafting. Or they may hate it and are just doing it for likes. In either case, don’t compare yourself. Don’t commit to things you don’t care about. You have the right to say no to activities you don’t want to do, and I encourage you to try it. If you dread that party you said you’d go to, kindly bow out. Be honest with others. The most rewarding conversations I’ve had with friends and family are the real ones. The ones where you talk openly about your lives and are vulnerable. It takes a village to raise a child, and it takes a village to support a parent. Be that village for others and you’ll find the favor is returned. Hats off to the moms and dads who magically make it happen every day — minus sleep and superpowers to pull it off. *I am an amateur parent, and only marginally and intermittently qualified to offer advice. Related content: Working mom hacks: Tips and tricks to make your life better To the moms running on fumes, here's how to refill the tank When it comes to self-care, listen to Michelle Obama 3 steps moms can take to get some me time every week

We sure know how to bundle up in the Midwest. We don’t let winter stop us from living life and enjoying the parks, zoos and fun outdoor activities. But it’s a lot of work to get all that winter gear on, and then there's that “no coats in car seats” rule. Madness! As a child passenger safety instructor at Lurie Children's Hospital (and a mom), I have some practical tips on how you can buckle in your kids safely and quickly during our never-ending winters. Why can’t my kid wear a coat in their car seat? Let’s start out with a refresher of how to buckle up safely. Kids should always be buckled into their car seat snugly. To check this, use the pinch test—once your child is buckled up, try to pinch some harness webbing between your finger and thumb near your child’s shoulder. If you can pinch some slack, the harness needs to be tightened until your fingers slide right off and you can’t pinch any extra webbing. Once kids are snug enough, pull the chest clip up to armpit level. Kids need to be snug because the harness will stretch during a crash. This stretching keeps our bodies from stopping too quickly. When a child wears anything bulky in the car, it creates too much space between their body and the car seat harness. If a crash happens, a child who is wearing a coat or snowsuit isn’t buckled in snugly enough to begin with, so when the harness stretches, that child can pop out of the car seat harness. Even if they don’t come out completely, their little body is subjected to too much movement and they are more likely to have head contact with the interior of the car or with another passenger. Sometimes parents try to solve this coat problem by pulling the car seat harness even tighter and squishing the coat material down. This doesn’t totally compress all the bulk though, and it can create a few other problems, too. We don’t want to overheat our babies and increase their risk of SIDS. Pulling the harness tighter when a child has a coat can also squish the coat material closer to their face, creating a suffocation risk for babies and young kids. Then how can I keep my kids from freezing during a polar vortex? There are lots of ways to keep kids warm in the car, but only one way to keep them safe in the car. And kids don’t freeze to death in the short time it takes to get out to the car, buckle up and start driving. The warm air will be blowing through those vents in a matter of minutes. Here’s what my family does on those bone-chilling days: Start the car to warm it up, but not in a garage (carbon monoxide!) Actually, I’m lying. I’m always running late, so I don’t have time to warm the car up. I totally skip this step. Put on coats and hats, then run out to the car. Get in and start the car. Yank those coats off and get buckled up. Now here’s the best part—you can put those coats back on! Toddlers and older kids can put their coats on backward, over the car seat harness or seat belt.* The hood will end up on the front of their body when you do this. Now the bulky material isn’t between your child’s body and their harness or seat belt. If they start to overheat, it’s easier to remove. But this isn’t safe for babies, because the coat and hood could create a suffocation hazard. So… Dress baby in thin layers. Once baby is buckled in, tuck a blanket around baby’s torso and under their arms so they can’t accidentally flip it up on their face and create a suffocation risk. Thin layers and blankets are okay for big kids, too. If you have an infant seat, bring the seat in overnight so it’s not cold when you go out to the car. Once you switch to a convertible seat, it isn’t practical to bring it inside, obviously. * This is advice for toddlers and big kids who have good head and neck control and who don’t have any special needs that could compromise their airway safety. Always listen to your pediatrician about your child’s individual needs and safety.

My 4-year-old and I had a date with our pediatrician yesterday. Though kids can get their second MMR vaccine any time between 4 and 6 years old, he received his second MMR vaccine exactly a week after his 4th birthday. After the visit, we got cinnamon rolls (and a large coffee for me) and I told him how proud and excited I was that he was protected against measles and a bunch of other nasty diseases much better now. It sounds pretty cheesy, but I said this out loud to him and I woke up this morning breathing a sigh of relief. As many of you have heard, there have been multiple outbreaks of measles in the U.S. so far this year and we are up to 662 cases in 22 states as of April 19, 2019. We are on pace to exceed the 2014 record for highest number of cases since measles “elimination” in 2000. Illinois has had some of these cases. I know this not only because I am a pediatrician and infectious disease specialist, but also because I do disease surveillance for measles and other vaccine-preventable diseases at the Chicago Department of Public Health. Measles keeps me up at night, when my two kids are not waking up with wet beds or nightmares. Many children are suffering in our country and will continue to suffer if these outbreaks spread. Even after recovery from measles, children are more likely to get bacterial infections for a certain period of time and there is a rare complication of delayed swelling of the brain lining (encephalitis) that can occur ten years or more after infection. Measles spreads through the air when an infected person coughs or sneezes and it’s so contagious that if one person has it, up to 9 of 10 people around them will also become infected if they are not protected. Measles starts with a fever that can get very high, cough, runny nose, red eyes, and a rash of tiny, red spots that start at the head and spread to the rest of the body. The virus can cause serious health complications, such as pneumonia or encephalitis, and even death. Though all this sounds scary, we should feel good that most parents in Chicago and Illinois vaccinate their families. We all need to do our part to protect children under the age of 12 months or those with weakened immune systems who may not be able to receive the vaccine. They could be your neighbor, classmate or friend and you may not even know it. Travelers returning to Chicago from areas both internationally and within the United States experiencing ongoing measles outbreaks may pose a risk of spread of the illness within the city. The majority of measles cases in the U.S. currently are in New York City and New York state, which are primarily among unvaccinated people in Orthodox Jewish communities and associated with travelers who brought measles back from Israel. With the current Passover holiday that ends the evening of Saturday, April 27, there may be more opportunities for measles to spread. The best way to protect against measles is to get the measles-mumps-rubella (MMR) vaccine on time. We recommend that most children get the first dose of the MMR vaccine at the age of 12 months and a second dose after the 4th birthday. If you are not sure if they have had the vaccine or if they had a prior measles infection, talk to your doctor. If you travel internationally, anyone in your family older than 6 months should receive the MMR vaccine. Talk with your health care provider about protecting your baby at least 4 weeks prior to departure. A lot of my friends and colleagues ask me if they should bring their newborns and infants on planes to some of these U.S. locations with measles outbreaks. In general, infants who are too young to be vaccinated should avoid contact with sick people or situations where they may be exposed to sick people. Adults who are traveling internationally may need one or two doses of MMR vaccine depending on their vaccination history. Check out the following links for more information: Learn more about measles and prevention: https://www.cdc.gov/features/measles/ Measles fact sheet: https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/parents/diseases/child/measles-basics-color.pdf

As parents, we are sometimes just as excited as our kids when school is out for summer. For us, that means no helping with homework, no rushing around in the morning, and no packing of lunches. But as the summer nears the end, we realize the tasks ahead of us as the school year begins. Packing lunches does not need to be one of those dreaded tasks. Here are some helpful tips for putting together a delicious lunch in advance: No “surprise” lunches Try out new recipes on your kids at home first, rather than surprising them with a new lunch. As a food blogger, I do this all the time. Use Sunday to prep When I find something they like, I’ll make that dish on a Sunday night. I make enough so I can pack individual lunches for a few days during the week. My kids’ lunch favorites are Banana Muffins, Hidden Zucchini Muffins, Bourbon Chicken and Crispy Corn Flake Chicken (see below for recipe). Also on Sundays, my boys and I will bake S’mores Brownies. Then we’ll wrap them individually so they’re ready for the lunch box for dessert throughout the week. Eat in season My go-to fruit is the small individual bag of organic apple slices from Costco or Trader Joe’s. Of course, a fabulous autumn activity is apple picking. If you have picked them fresh, make sure to cut them up in the morning so they don’t turn brown before lunch. If stored properly, freshly picked apples will last up to two months in the refrigerator. Keep it cold Freeze a box of yogurt squeezers (my favorite is Stoneyfield Organic Strawberry), and include one in the lunch box. By the time lunch rolls around, the yogurt will be defrosted but still cold. And it will keep the other lunch items cold, too. You can find dozens of quick and easy kid-friendly recipes on my blog at www.mommachef.com. All use no more than six ingredients and are under six minutes of prep time. Momma Chef’s Cornflake Coated Chicken (makes 6 servings) 6 boneless chicken breasts 4 cups cornflakes 2 large eggs 2 tbsp. water 1 tbsp. salt 1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. 2. In a large bowl, mix together eggs and water. Set aside. 3. In a large Ziploc bag, add the cornflakes and salt. Then crush the cornflakes. 4. Dip each chicken breast in the egg/water mixture and put them in the Ziploc bag. Shake to coat all sides of the chicken. 5. Arrange the chicken in a single layer on a baking sheet and bake for 40 minutes.

Are you or someone you love struggling with feelings of anxiety, extreme sadness or feeling very overwhelmed following childbirth? Nancy Segall of Beyond the Baby Blues and Claire Zawa of Birthways Inc. share information and resources for expectant and new parents about the causes, symptoms and treatments for postpartum depression. Postpartum depression occurs in approximately 20 percent of all new mothers. It’s considered the number one postpartum childbirth complication. After this webinar, you will have a better understanding of how perinatal mental health extends beyond depression, impacts the entire family, and can be identified before the family is in crisis. Topics covered: Perinatal mental health diagnoses and presentations Risks factors, special populations, and situations that require referral Tips for how to engage a new or expecting parent in a dialogue about perinatal mental health and how to best offer support Cultural considerations Assessment/screening Resources Note: This webinar is available to NPN members only. Not a member? Learn about the many member benefits and join now. Member only video

Being a parent is hard, and when you have a child with developmental, health, learning or attention challenges, the demands increase. Watch this 40-minute video and learn relaxation techniques and self-care skills designed especially for parents of children with special needs. Watch the above video. If you have ever found yourself running on fumes trying to parent a child with special needs, take a much-needed break and learn some strategies for self-care. This 40-minute video offers practical tools that parents of special-needs kids can use to fortify their emotional, mental and physical health in order to lead their best lives and continue supporting their child. This video includes a five-minute guided meditation exercise.

To keep your family healthy during the rest of the winter season, it’s important to keep our immune systems in tip-top shape. Here are some ways to keep your immune system boosted so those colds and flus don’t get you down. Know what works and what doesn’t First, understand that antibiotics are ineffective against the flu because influenza is a virus. Medications that are not effective against the flu can cause more harm than good, especially to our gut health. What do you do if you or your child is home sick with the flu? Tried-and-true remedies The most effective ways to treat the flu include rest and consuming fluids. Taking out sugar and dairy can be helpful as sugar suppresses immunity up to six hours after ingesting. This makes our immune system work harder, thus taking longer to rid the cold and flu. This is just a short phase, but definitely helpful to speed up the process. Using humidifiers to add moisture into the air and diffusing essential oils both will help ease congestion by opening up the airways. Draw a bath Soak in an Epsom salt bath before you reach for an expensive over-the-counter drug. This naturally-occurring mineral will ease muscle aches, improve circulation and reduce the length of symptoms as well as help you get a good night’s rest, so you can recover faster. Some doctors say it helps spur the cellular rejuvenation process called vasodilation, which can in turn speed healing by detoxifying your body, combating the illness faster. Children under 60 lbs can soak in a bath of ½ cup of salts; over 60 lb can add another ½ cup. Adding 5-10 drops of lavender to the salt bath also has a calming effect: it can help ease body aches, enhance blood circulation, promote relaxation and ease upper respiratory distress. Go (coco)nuts Another natural way to fend off the flu and stay healthy this winter is to drink raw coconut water. Coconut water help builds your immune system and makes it stronger by cleaning your body of bacteria. It’s also anti-fungal and anti-viral, and is a great source of electrolytes needed to replenish the body. Plus, it’s cheaper and healthier to buy raw coconut water than Pedialyte. Take prevention measures Be courteous of others and help curb the spread of flu. Wash hands often, using the proper technique (wet, lather, scrub, rinse, dry). Anti-bacterial soaps and gels just don’t cut it and, in fact, the FDA says: “they do little or nothing to make soap work any better,” and the industry has failed to prove they’re safe. Eat foods high in vitamin C They help the body produce collagen, which promotes the body’s natural healing process. Foods with the highest vitamin C levels? Camu camu berries, kiwis, red/green peppers, and guavas. Take vitamin D Some studies show that a deficiency increases your risk for colds and flus. As Chicago sees the full sun about 84 days out of the year, we need some extra vitamin D. My pediatrician recommends 2000 iu/ day for children.

As the lack of sunshine becomes a part of our daily lives, a certain gloom comes over many young people and is often assumed to be something ranging from “winter blues” to a depressive disorder called seasonal affective disorder (SAD). According to kidhealth.org, “SAD is a form of depression that follows a seasonal pattern; SAD appears and disappears around the same times each year. People with SAD usually have symptoms of depression as winter approaches and daylight hours become shorter.” Once spring arrives and the days become longer again, they feel relief from their symptoms and a return to their normal mood and level of energy. Surprisingly, there are people who experience SAD in reverse (apparently, summer is not an exciting time for everyone). The symptoms of SAD are a lot like depression, but the fact that SAD symptoms occur only for a few months each winter (for at least two years in a row) distinguishes it from other forms of depression. You may assume your child has “winter blues”—a common emotion for some Chicagoans this time of the year. But the problems caused by SAD, such as lower grades or less energy for socializing with friends, can affect their self-esteem and leave them feeling disappointed, isolated, and lonely, especially if they don’t realize what’s causing the changes in energy, mood, and motivation. It is imperative that as parents and caregivers, you are checking in with your child in order to provide enough examples to share with your pediatrician. If your child is diagnosed with SAD, here are a few tips that parents can do: Participate in your child’s treatment. Ask the doctor how you can best assist your child in managing their moods. Find quality time to build a sense of connection with your child. Alienation exacerbates SAD symptoms. Positive human connection increases their energy level. Assist with homework. Children with SAD may worry that they’re incapable of doing the schoolwork.Reassure them that your assistance is to be seen as support, not a handicap. You may also want to talk to the teachers and ask for extensions on certain assignments until things improve with treatment. Stick to a sleep routine. Encourage your child to maintain a regular bedtime every day to reap the mental health benefits of daylight hours. Though we can’t bring the sun down to warm and light up our winter days, we can make the best of the season by planning ahead on undesirable days. Do your research and get outside for some fresh air, plan a playdate, or have an indoor beach party with summer jams playing in the background! Lastly, to make those grey days more bearable, count down every week with a special event such as an outing to an exhibit, or to your favorite restaurant. Having something to look forward to will only help to distract not only your child, but everyone enduring the notorious Chicago winter.

It was a Sunday afternoon last month and I found myself doing something I rarely get the chance to do: laying on the living room couch in a silent house. With our young son asleep in the other room, I was mindlessly flipping channels looking for something, anything, to keep my mind off the fact I had no workout planned. For the previous six months, I started every day looking at my workout log and preparing myself to meet that day's challenge. I followed that routine as close as the rest of my schedule would allow, as I missed just five workouts during that 26-week stretch. Each time I crossed off that day's scheduled exercise, I gained more and more confidence. Yet here I was, exactly one week removed from crossing the finish line alongside my wife at the Honolulu Marathon in what was one of the most exhilarating and proudest moments of our lives, and I suddenly had nowhere to run. I felt like a failure. While I know this isn't true, as I am blessed in many ways, the importance of setting/striving for personal goals became crystal clear for me in that moment. I can't just have my life revolve around my son and his activities. He will always come first, but I need to move me-time up my list of priorities and be running toward something—and it doesn't need to be the finish line of a marathon or any other athletic endeavor. It could be learning an instrument (which I'm considering), a foreign language, how to paint, or something else. It just needs to be something because: Whether I achieve my goal or not, just taking the steps to achieve my goal will help me experience personal growth and keeps me energized, both physically and mentally. Setting goals brings balance to my life. Not everything can be about my son. It just can’t. It gives me something to look forward to that doesn’t involve walks to the park, Wiggleworms or my son’s Saturday morning French class. It sets a good example for my child. By trying to better myself and staying focused on my personal goals, my hope is that my son will one day learn the importance of goal-setting and trying to improve himself—in whatever way he feels is necessary.

For families dealing with food allergies, Halloween is more than just a tricky time of year. The trick-or-treat haul brings home the potential for an allergic reaction to something as simple as a piece of candy corn. Dairy, egg, peanuts, soy, wheat, tree nuts… the list goes on for all of the allergens hiding in those variety bags we hope to catch on sale. As the parent of a child recently diagnosed with four of the top eight allergens, I was really surprised by what I found when I began reading the ingredient lists on everything I brought home. Here’s just a sample of what you might find in your child’s bucket this Halloween: Milky Way (dairy, soy, egg) Snickers (dairy, soy, egg, peanut) Twix (dairy, wheat, soy) Sour Patch Kids (processed in the same facility as dairy, soy, wheat, peanut, tree nut) Regulations are making it easier to know what’s in your food and manufacturers are doing a good job of highlighting the top eight or cross-contamination possibilities in your food. But the lines and facilities used are not always the same even within the same product. A particular item purchased in one grocery store may not have the same cross-contamination possibilities as that exact item in another shipment or a different store location. Now, before you roll your eyes as I make yet another special request of parents who are already up to their necks in to-do lists, please consider this: According to FARE (Food Allergy Research and Education) “the prevalence of food allergy in children increased by 50% between 1997 and 2011” and “1 in every 13 children has a food allergy.” The numbers continue to grow and much is still unknown about why more and more children each day are diagnosed with food allergies than ever before. My point is, no one wants to hold their little ones back from one of the most iconic experiences of childhood. Nor do we want them to accept all of those goodies only to have them taken away at home as they eagerly sort through their treasures. (The trauma!) By placing a teal pumpkin outside your door, you are letting those with food allergies know that you are offering non-food treats and showing your support and inclusion of children with food allergies in this timeless tradition. These treats can be purchased inexpensively and set aside to be offered to kids looking for your teal pumpkin insignia, allowing them to take part in the fun! Ideas for non-food treats that can be bought in bulk on Amazon for less than $10: Glow sticks Bubbles Finger puppets Stickers Temporary tattoos You could even get creative with your kids by painting your own teal pumpkin and open a dialogue about allergies and inclusiveness. With the numbers growing as they are, chances are your child will know many friends and classmates facing the challenge of eating outside the safe zone. If you are participating, take a moment to add your home to the FARE Teal Pumpkin participation map here to help parents plan ahead for a successful night out. Now if only we could start a map of houses where we could reload on spiked apple cider and craft brews to fend off the cold… Jamie Donovan lives in Ukrainian Village, works in the Loop, and is mom to Molly and Charlie. In her not-so-spare time, she enjoys reading and wondering if her house renovation in North Center will ever be finished.

I don't cook, and I am totally envious when I see mom friends post incredible dishes they make for their kids on social media. As a result, I make impulsive purchases to acquire cooking tools that gather dust in my cabinets. Like some mamas, I am just not interested in cooking. I enjoy it when it is an activity, an experiment, but not a task. Most of the people in my generation growing up in Asia have a live-in nanny or take-out is merely a block away. Also eating out is a social thing with friends and families. And traditionally, Asian parents didn't encourage their children to learn how to cook, because in their mind it is "wasting time,"—kids should focus on studying and school. Especially for boys, messing around in the kitchen was definitely a no when I was growing up. (Clearly that's an old notion—nowadays, cooking is the enhanced value proposition for men because sexier men cook.) Now I am a mother of a picky toddler and an infant migrating to solid food. Even though I don't cook, my kids still need to eat! This is how I do it: Watch and collect ideas from cooking YouTube channel Tasty: I enjoy watching and collecting these nicely done cooking videos for future inspiration. The video editing technique they use makes everything looks so easy! I have a "cooking idea folder" where I collect video clips from Tasty Japan and Emmy Made in Japan. What makes them different is that besides being exotic and yummy, it's all about presentation—they make food too adorable to eat. And I can't resist buying all those cooking gears and molds—once a while, my kids get to eat one, or two, or three Panda rice balls. Order mobile food: I order from a wide array of restaurants with a single tap on my phone. I actually prefer "new delivery" (e.g., Foodora) vs. the traditional "aggregators" (e.g., GrubHub) just because the delivery service and timing is much more predictable when you have hungry kids at home. The essential difference is "new delivery" has its own logistics for delivery from gourmet restaurants and "aggregators" pass the order to the restaurant to fulfill. Make sushi: We are not talking about rainbow rolls or caterpillar rolls here. Avocado and salmon rolls are easy, healthy and achievable at home. Simply buy a sushi making kit, get some fresh avocado and sushi-grade salmon and follow a YouTube video. Buy great kids' party food: Call me bold, but even thought I don't cook, I am brave enough to throw in a kids' birthday party with 60+ guests. I've tried out a variety of things from different places, and the winners are the ones that are easy to bake, steam, heat up or put together. Just to name a few from my shopping list that are super popular among little kiddos: H Mart: Crab or shrimp shumai, chicken teriyaki bao, mini seafood dumplings, Ramule (kids soft drink with a crystal ball inside of the funky bottle). And it looks like H Mart is going to add a West Loop location this summer, making my party-shopping route more streamlined. Costco: Beef bibimbap (Korean beef rice), party-size quinoa, crispy vegetable spring rolls Trader Joe's: Corn dog, veggie pizza bites, shrimp toast, macaroons (in the box)

When my two older boys were younger I distinctly remember thinking one winter they were never going to go back to preschool because they were never healthy. Fast forward about five years and one additional kid, and we seem to be in a better spot health-wise. I attribute this to a few changes I’ve made, which I've highlighted below. I’m not a doctor, nor a scientist, so this is purely speculation, but it seems to be working for us. 1. Get rid of the hand sanitizer and just use soap and water. I used to use hand sanitizer religiously thinking it was actually doing some good. I think instead it was just stripping the kids of any "good dirt" and making them more vulnerable to infection. I could be wrong about this, but since I have switched to just handwashing with regular old soap and water we’ve had better luck with staying away from colds and other infections. 2. Add a daily probiotic. About three years ago, I started everyone on a daily morning probiotic appropriate for their age. I just buy the one they will actually tolerate from Whole Foods so no real science going into this, but I figure it can’t hurt them, and possibly only help. 3. Get a flu shot. This is a vaccine, so clearly there is major debate around whether one should receive a flu shot. Full disclosure: I am 100% in the "all vaccines are good vaccines" camp, and I make sure my kids, myself and my husband all receive the flu shot every year. 4. Cut down on dairy and push water. My kids don’t really drink milk or any milk-based products. My older two children had ear tubes and chronic ear infections when they were younger, and the doctor suggested to cut back on dairy. I’ve followed that advice ever since and the head colds and congestion have definitely decreased. 5. Get fresh air. Ever since my oldest was just two weeks old (and this was during a Chicago winter) my mom always said, "Get him outside!" I try to get the kids outside for a little while every single day, no matter what. It’s good for their mental health and their physical health (as well as mine). I also try to open the windows to air out the house every once in a while, too. This is definitely a throw back to my nana, but it makes the house seem fresh in the middle of winter, and as if the germs are leaving the premises. Sometimes getting sick is just hit or miss, and for whatever reason some kids are more susceptible to getting sick. However, these basic tips have definitely helped us decrease illness overall. I also found that getting through that first year of preschool or kindergarten helped build up the kids’ immune systems immensely.

It never ceases to amaze me how my two kids—born from the same womb—can be so different. I don't know why it still surprises me so much, but it always does. In areas where one excels, the other struggles. At times when one is calm, the other is fired up. The differences in their personalities show up everywhere, including at the dinner table. One loves chocolate, the other loves vanilla. One is adventurous and willing to try new foods, the other is ... not. Over the holiday break, we visited my mom and dad in Florida. One night, we went to a local restaurant called Deep Lagoon Seafood. Jack, my adventurous one, saw a poster on the wall promoting a local "delicacy" on the menu. The poster said: "Gator Bites. Bite them before they bite you." Um, ick. But, right away, Jack was practically bursting with excitement. (Kinda weird, right?) I mean, the kid was ALL IN. Meanwhile, Caitlin (my not-so-adventurous one) broke out in a cold sweat. She was ready to do a mad dash from the restaurant. Can't say I blame her. My stomach did a few somersaults, too. For me, it was a great reminder of the fear kids can feel when faced with an unfamiliar food. I'm a full-grown, 40-something adult and I was feeling the fear loud and clear. If someone tried to force me to eat 'gator, I would not be happy. Not one little bit. As parents, it's human nature to want to encourage our kids to try new foods. After all, we know that foods like peas and broccoli are harmless and (sorta) tasty. But from a 2-year-old's perspective, those green veggies can set off the panic button, much like the 'gator bites did to me. So, as a parent, how can we respect our kid's food preferences and aversions, while still encouraging them to eat healthy, new foods? First, we can try to be good role models and eat the foods we want our kids to eat. In the 'gator example, I maybe wasn't the best at modeling adventurous food choices, but I also can't exactly say that 'gator is a food I want my kids to like. On the other hand, give me a fresh, simple salad and I'll role model my way to Timbuktu. Second, as the wise Ellyn Satter recommends in her "division of responsibility" approach, it's the parent's job to offer kids healthy options; it's the kid’s job to choose whether or not to eat them. In other words, we should routinely prepare healthy foods for our kids, then leave it at that. Our work is done. Amen and hallelujah. As I often tell my kids when they get all hot and bothered about the choices I've given them, "Food is food. You can eat it or not. It's your choice. But food isn't something to get worked up about." Then we move on. Sounds like a ridiculously simple way to deal with a tantrum at the table, doesn't it? But once you get the hang of it—and your kid realizes that you aren't going to force a food—so many stresses at the dinner table melt away. So what was Jack's verdict about the 'gator? "Tastes like chicken, but chewier." P.S. I don’t know if eating ‘gator is humane, sustainable or acceptable. I should probably look into that. Keep in mind this was a one-time experience, not an overall lifestyle choice, so please be kind.

The holidays are upon us, and with the holidays come family gatherings, tidings of good cheer and food—lots and lots of food. Everywhere one turns there are cocoa and cookies and fruitcake—oh, my! For some, this time of year, and the many delicacies that come with it, is welcomed. But if you have a child with a food allergy it is a total nightmare. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want others to suffer just because my child can’t eat something, but sometimes I wish we celebrated with movies or cards or activities rather than food. It’s something everyone can enjoy rather than be excluded from. As my child has gotten older it’s definitely gotten easier to navigate the holidays in regards to sweats and treats, but it’s certainly not without bumps in the road. Here are seven simple steps to help you navigate this month (and heck, you’ve already made it through Thanksgiving so pat yourself on the back). Now, full disclosure, my oldest has celiac disease so should he ingest a food he shouldn’t eat he will not go into anaphylactic shock. I 100% realize that a food allergy is obviously a lot more stressful, to say the least. Still, he reacts with vomiting for 12 hours and no parent I know likes to deal with vomit, and no eight-year-old I know likes to vomit, so we are vigilant in avoiding gluten. On to the steps: 1. Help. As in, ask for help. You can’t do this alone, so make sure you reach out to the other parents in the class and understand who’s doing what for each holiday get together – this way you can more easily move on to step 2. 2. Outsource. You don’t have to do all of this baking yourself. There are dedicated nut-free bakeries, gluten-free bakeries, and all sorts of amazing bakeries in the city. Use them! They even deliver. 3. Listen to your child. Sometimes he might want to skip an event (if it doesn’t mean skipping school I’m okay with this) or go a little late to miss the cookie-decorating part. If it means avoiding a severe allergic reaction and keeping your kid happy then it’s ok to change up tradition or make your own new ones. 4. Involve your child in creating those new traditions, be it an outing, a food she wants to attempt to make herself that works for her diet, or a new restaurant she wants to try that you know would be safe. Help your child lead the way. 5. Dedicate. Meaning, dedicate a single day to knock out of all your allergy- and diet-friendly baking (so that you can spend the rest of the holiday season prepared and enjoying the season, rather than scrambling). Also dedicate a day to just your child. As in tip No. 4, give your child a day where food is not a thing or an issue that comes up on his radar—just fun and coziness and holiday joy. 6. Alternatives. As in alternatives to food. Our society revolves around food, whether we like it or not, but little by little classrooms and other social gatherings are changing to focus on group get-togethers and crafts rather than just food. Pinterest has a ton of great ideas for things to do at classroom holiday parties that are not food-related, such as tree-decorating contests, snowflake decorating, snowman poofs and even indoor ice skating. 7. Yay! You made it. Now pour yourself a glass of Champagne (or gluten-free, vegan eggnog) and toast 2018!

We all know that cooking with kids is recommended. Research shows that it encourages kids to have a more adventurous palate and promotes family bonding, among a host of other benefits. But the truth is, cooking with LITTLE kids can be a real circus act. Take, for example, the time when my mini sous chef decided to use the kitchen faucet as a fire hose. Or when and my little pastry queen turned our kitchen floor into a sugary beach. Of course, these things always seem to happen while something is burning on the stove and someone needs a massive diaper change. UGH. So much for family bonding, right? The reality is, on most nights, it's hard enough to get a meal on the table without our kids' "help." So how can we reap the benefits of cooking with kids without the headache? As someone who's made a lot of rookie mistakes, but stubbornly keeps trying, here are five things I've learned. 1. Don't attempt to cook with your kids right before dinner. If you actually need to get a real meal on the table in 30 minutes or less, don't even attempt to involve your kids. It will be a disaster. Instead, give your kids a snack sampler and find a time to involve them when the clock isn't ticking. 2. Give kids age-appropriate mini tasks. Cooking should be fun, so it's important to keep your child's fine motor skills and attention span in mind. Beyond measuring, mixing and pouring, a few good tasks for preschoolers include shucking corn, pulling the leaves off Brussels sprouts, sorting dried beans and washing lettuce leaves. (Hint: This leafy greens washing machine game gets my kids to eat their greens every time). 3. Make veggies a priority. Sure, baking is fun and kids can learn a lot from measuring and mixing. But kids usually don't need encouragement to eat sweets. So, as often as I can, I involve my kids in recipes that allow them to get their hands on vegetables, even if it's just serving themselves a deconstructed chopped salad. 4. Do food science. Okay, so this isn't exactly cooking, but the idea is the same and can be just as much (if not more) fun. Fruits, vegetables and other ingredients are great tools for science experiments. 5. Make it a scheduled activity. When I lack the creativity or energy to come up with a fun cooking activity, I turn to the pros. We LOVE the cooking classes at The Kids Table, where my kids have learned to like (or at least try) everything from lentils to tofu. Next on my list is to try a kid-focused recipe kit from Raddish or Kidstir. These could even make for great holiday presents.