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    • These are the things to pack to make the hospital feel more like home.
      There have been a few strategies I have learned along the way of being a special needs parent that have been so helpful for our family. One such strategy is having a hospital “go” bag. Already having a hospital bag packed has been a major relief at 2am when we are leaving for the ER, because we don’t have to run around scrambling for essentials for what may be a few days in the hospital. We keep our hospital bag in the car at all times—we don’t always go to the ER from our house, it might be from school or an outing.
        For our family we find comfort in the familiarity, in the few special things that make our children's hospital a home away from home. It's strange, but I don't panic or even dread hospital stays, I just accept them as a part of our journey. I know that we will have everything we need, we will be well cared for and that we will go home soon. Normalizing the experience helps us quickly adjust to hospital life, jumping right in to the pace of hurry up and wait. I focus on our routine: unpacking, meeting the team, requesting our essentials, getting settled and waiting for rounds. 
        Being a mom who has spent many nights in children’s hospitals, I consider this to be our essential packing list. Your list might look a little different, but hopefully this is a helpful starting point. (If you know a parent who is unexpectedly spending a few days alongside their child’s hospital bed, these are some great things to bring them.)
        Must-haves: A phone charger. Obviously. Comfy pants and a sweatshirt for parent. I rushed to the ER in shorts and a tank top once and thanks to max AC in the hospital I had to wrap myself in blankets to stay warm! Change of cozy clothes for child. Yes, they have gowns for children, but I find that wearing our own clothes when possible makes us all feel more normal. If nothing else it’s nice to have clean clothes to go home in. Shower essentials. Flip-flops for the shower if you get grossed out by shared showers like me, hair tie, hairbrush, toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, face wash, contact lens case and solution.  Melatonin for parent. Do you know how stinking hard it is to get decent sleep on that plastic hospital couch/bed thing?! Multivitamin and probiotic for parent. You are now surrounded by germs, but really need to stay healthy! Snacks for mom and child. (Or cash for the vending machine.) Feminine hygiene products. Our children’s hospital didn’t have tampons when I urgently needed one. Formula. We have gotten stuck waiting four hours for the formulary to deliver formula with a cranky baby! The back-up lovie or pacifier List of medical diagnoses, medications the child is taking and a copy of medical card Grippy socks. The hospital ones don’t fit comfortably for me. There are even things about hospital life that I start to look forward to, like padding over to the cafeteria and having someone make me an omelet at 2am, being able to focus all my snuggles and energy on one child, and, importantly, that someone else does the bulk of the laundry. 
      But there have been dark times that have left me in what felt like a free fall. In those times, it was the familiar comforts that kept me on track until we could celebrate successes again. Celebrations will come, even if it's just celebrating the chance to go home and re-pack your bag for next time. 
       
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    • Parents of special-needs kids have their own special needs. Here's how you can support them while they are caring for their child.
      One thing I know with absolute certainty is that we wouldn't have been able to advocate as hard and effectively as we have for our children without our community. I also know that our kids wouldn't be as strong and stable as they are today without the amazing friends and family who have gone above and beyond to keep us, their parents, strong.    Everyone knows someone with a special-needs child and I guarantee that even if they haven't asked or even if they tell you they just need your thoughts and prayers, they need concrete physical support. I know because I've been there. I've said those things when a well-meaning friend asked, "What can I do?" or "How can I help?" Because I was too overwhelmed to figure out what I needed I just said, "Prayers." Or, worse, I said nothing at all.   The truth is, parents of special-needs kids often need so much more than prayers—we just don't know how to ask for help. But when someone says "Can I do X for you?", the answer is almost always "yes." So please, start offering specific ideas for how you can support parents when you hear their child is sick in the hospital or at home. Your help could very well mean the difference between life and death for a child. Seriously. The better you can support a special-needs family, the more effectively they can advocate for and support their child. And that could affect that child's chance of recovery.    Need some ideas on what you can can offer to parents? In my experience, the following is what my family has needed most. Here are 15 easy (and hard!) ways you can help special-needs families:   When they are in the hospital: Buy groceries and fill their fridge Clean and tidy their home (chances are they left in a hurry!) Offer to take an overnight shift so they can sleep in a real bed Bring coffee  Bring them clean clothes Sit with their child so they can shower Offer to provide transportation to and from hospital (parking costs add up quickly!)   
      When they are home: 
      Offer to come over and sanitize toys Do laundry Bring coffee Bring a meal Send a pizza Offer to entertain babies so parent can fill out paperwork, call insurance companies or just take a shower Offer to spend the night and be the one to deal with beeping machines    Remember, these small things have the potential to make a BIG impact. You may even help save a life. The best way to support a special-needs child is by supporting her parents, so the parents can support the child. Complex children deserve a complex village supporting them every step of the way.    Also keep in mind that this list applies to not only children with medical complexities, but also children with a complex emotional or behavioral diagnosis. Those families need your support, too. 
       
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    • Searching for a daycare for your child? Here are some things to keep in mind.
      As a parent/guardian your number one goal is to protect and enrich your child. We’re constantly tasked with ways of enhancing that experience, and for those of us with the Internet at our fingertips – we know there is endless amounts of contradictory information.
      Let’s get one thing straight, there’s no such thing as one size fits all when it comes to any part of your parenting experience. You always have to make decisions about what’s best for your family and meets your needs. However, there are certainly some best practices that you can keep in mind when shopping for a daycare, or center-based childcare.
      [Related: 7 ways daycare changed our lives for the better]
      Location, location, location
      The first thing to keep in mind is whether the daycare is appropriate for your family’s commute. There’s almost no point in falling in love with something that won’t work. Whether your drive, take public transportation or walk, you need to be realistic. If you do drive, ask about parking – many schools don’t offer it and you’ll spend half your morning circling looking for a place to leave your car. If you walk or take public transportation, make sure it’s a reasonable distance to travel with a baby in -20° weather.
      Know your budget
      Daycare isn’t cheap but it doesn’t have to break the bank for your family. As with anything, before you embark on the shopping journey you must have a clear idea of what you can afford. If your budget is tight, consider shopping for centers that offer part-time care and put baby with friends or family on off days. Also be sure to ask about special promotions: free enrollment, complimentary first month or vacation tuition breaks. Most centers in a close vicinity are priced within a few dollars of each other. They don’t vary as much as you might hope.
      Trust your gut
      Your intuition will be one of the most valuable tools when it comes to parenting, and searching for childcare is no exception to that rule. If you get a warm fuzzy feeling the second you walk through the door and it’s followed by welcoming people and direct answers that make you feel comfortable? That’s a good thing! Remember this is where you leave your favorite person in the world every day – you want to feel welcome.
      [Related: Key safety questions to ask your childcare provider]
      Priorities are different for everyone
      For some families it’s the hours, for some it’s availability, for some it's teacher qualifications – the list goes on. Find out what’s important to you before you start calling and scheduling tours. If it’s hours, you can determine which sites are applicable to your needs by a simple search online. If it’s the teachers, you’ll want to ask the tour guide at the various centers you visit if they would be comfortable allowing you to sit in with the teacher for a few minutes.
      Don’t freak out
      Here’s the deal: When you're pregnant or new to the idea of center-based daycare, there’s a lot to take in. Relax, everyone involved is here to help. Ask a ton of questions. Questions can be asked in advance on the phone, through email or during your tour. If you don’t get the answers you want then move on. If a company doesn’t give you the information that you want/need when they are in the selling process, it’s not going to get any better once your child is enrolled. Benefits such as web cameras and open door policies allow for you to continue and monitor your child’s experience once they begin. Seeking daycares that provide these is just another way of feeling in control of your little one’s day.
      Overall, center-based childcare is becoming increasingly popular for families. It offers consistent and predictable care when you’re away. It also provides your little one with the opportunity to make friends, interact with other children and have access to developmentally age appropriate equipment and toys. 
      Good luck with your search!
       
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    • Questions to ask a prospective nanny, and yourself, when looking for childcare, and how to keep your nanny happy and feeling valued.
      As a placement provider for Olive.You.Nanny, I am constantly putting the puzzle pieces together to find compatible matches for families and nannies. I have found there to be some key questions that need to be asked during the interview process to ensure a happy and compatible match is made for both the nanny and family involved.
      If you can find someone who naturally aligns with your parenting style, family values and worldview while clicking personality wise, then you are on a good path to nanny-family partnership bliss!
      First and foremost, decide what is most important to your family. In a few words, what is your family focus/motto or what is most important to you as a family unit? Some parents mention education, kindness, openness to new experiences/diversity, or family time as their main focus. Whatever the case may be, it is first important to acknowledge what is most important to you and what you want your children to learn about the world as they are growing up. By asking yourself these questions, you will be able to better clarify what is most important to your family, which will be essential in finding a nanny who naturally aligns with you!
      Nannies come with their own unique personalities, nanny style, experiences, and values and it is important to better understand their world view. You don’t want them to mold themselves to you when their ideals and nanny style could be in contrast. You, the nanny, and your kids will be happier when you are on the same page. I always ask nannies several key questions:
      What are some values that are most important to you in your life? What do you think is most important for children to learn as they are growing up? How would you best describe your nanny-style? What do you envision when you think of your ideal position? What makes you feel most appreciated and happiest on the job? What is one of your favorite memories as a nanny and why? After interviewing a series of nannies, I have discovered a few commonalities that seem to make them happy. Most are in search of a family that is open to outings and activities and exploration in the city so they can incorporate play-based learning and get some fresh air with the kiddos. They also want to have open communication and consistency when it comes to nap times, discipline and boundaries.
      There are simple ways to make a nanny feel appreciated, and chances are you will keep your nanny longer and he or she will go above and beyond in the role if they feel valued. Nannies want to feel like a valued extension of your family as opposed to a “worker.” Employers who show their nannies trust by not micro-managing are better able to establish rapport.
      Thoughtful gestures go a long way in job satisfaction! Letting your nanny off a bit earlier (while being paid) on an occasional afternoon is very much appreciated, as nannies tend to work long hours. Remembering industry standards like vacation and sick time and maintaining the nanny’s wage if you do not need him or her the days you choose to be away (same applies to letting him or her go home early if they aren’t needed) are key ways to express respect to your nanny’s profession.
      Cards of appreciation, small thoughtful gifts, remembering their birthday, having an annual review and taking time to get to know them are all ways to show your nanny that you care about them as an individual and value them as an employee. You in turn will have a happy rock star nanny!
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    • If you're a stay at home mom, your day might look a little something like this. If you're not, this is some insight into SAHM life.
      Before having my daughter, I never thought about what stay-at-home-mom life would be like because I never thought I'd be a SAHM. Fast forward though the newborn stage, my return to work, and then my decision to quit my job and I'm now living the stay-at-home-mom life. It's certainly been interesting, fun, challenging, wonderful, exhausting and all the usual descriptors. But I thought I'd give you a glimpse into the real thoughts that go through a stay-at-home mom's head every day. You know, the things you might never say out loud, but shamelessly float through your mind on a daily basis.

      1. *Baby crying* "It's seriously morning already? I just went to sleep! Why don't kids sleep in? I should really start drinking coffee..." This is me. Every. Single. Morning.

      2. "Shower time. Just kidding! Topknot, check! Now, what should I wear today? Jeans? Hahahahaha! Leggings or yoga pants it is." Somehow, leggings or yoga pants have become the official uniform of moms everywhere. Why? Because they are stretchy, comfortable and don't inhibit your movement when you're trying to chase and catch your toddler before she makes it to the stairs.

      3. "Is it nap time yet?" Every mom around the world looks forward to nap time. 'Nuff said.

      4. "Am I on my phone too much? I'm on my phone too much. I should play with my child more. Want to play patty cake?! Patty cake, patty cake... Ooh, Facebook notification!" As mothers, we are so hard on ourselves about always making sure our children get enough socialization, stimulation, play time, sensory play, exposure to new things, classes, music, the list goes on and on! So much so that when we veer off track a little to check our phone or turn on the TV, we feel guilty. But ya know what? As long as my kid doesn't put his finger in a socket, we're good.

      5. "I NEED to get out of the house." Sometimes (and by sometimes, I mean all the time) I just need to leave the house (with my baby, of course), whether that means just to roam Target or drive in my car. As a SAHM, those four walls close in fast!

      6. "It's 3pm. Have I eaten lunch today? I should probably eat something besides leftover puffs and yogurt melts." I never used to understand how moms wouldn't have time to  eat. I mean, eating is a basic need. But when you're a mom, food falls way down on the totem pole of priorities.

      7. "OMG, when is hubs going to be home??" It's like a movie when my husband walks through the door. Lights are shining down on him, music is playing in the background and I'm running slo-mo with arms outstretched toward him.

      What are some of your brutally honest SAHM thoughts? Do share!
      Lauren Plotkin, former Chicago Public School teacher turned blogger, started blogging to document her journey through life, motherhood, and all the craziness in between. She tries to approach life with a sense of humor (and maybe a little bit of wine) and loves sharing her experiences—the good, the bad and the ugly—with her readers. You can find more of Lauren's writing at www.myplotofsunshine.com.
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    • The way you form your questions could make it easier for your kids to opt for the truth instead.
      You walk into the kitchen to find an open bag of cookies on the counter and your child with chocolate on their face. You ask, “Did you eat the cookies?” Of course, the response is, “No.”  And you just wish for an honest answer.
      How often does this happen, whether in interactions with your child, a co-worker or the used car dealer? Here are a few strategies to increase the likelihood of getting an honest response.
      Do not ask a question that you already know the answer to. Lying is a normal, defensive response to avoid conflict or negative consequences. We all hope to not get caught when we mess up. So rather, say, “I see that you ______ (whatever action you want to address). Tell me what happened.” Ask open-ended questions. Asking “What homework do you have tonight?” will most likely evoke a different response than if you ask, “Do you have homework tonight?” It is easier to respond with the one word “No,” especially when we are trying to avoid something. Ask specific questions. How often do you find you get the response of “good” or “fine” when you ask, “How was your day?” or “How are you?” These are programmed responses. So instead, if you know your child painted pictures in preschool today, say, “Tell me about painting” and “What other activities did you do today?” These questions often garner more information. Ask both positive and negative-assumption questions. Ask not only, “What was your favorite part about school today?” but also, “What did you struggle with most during soccer practice?” We tend to avoid discussions of unpleasant things. By making assumptions that everyone experiences challenges, struggles and frustrations, you will elicit a more accurate description and response. Finally, trust your instinct. How many times have you just known that someone was not telling you the whole story or was leaving something out? Circle back and continue to ask specific questions. Reflect back, “I don’t seem to understand. Tell me more.” You may just find you get a clearer picture of whatever you are seeking. Of course, there are no guarantees that you will get an honest response but these tips should foster communication with your children, and others in your life, and help you feel more assured in the responses you do get. 
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    • How to recognize poison ivy and how to treat the rash if your child makes contact with the pesky plant.
      Summer is around the corner and our children are finally able to get outside after a brutal winter. However, they may now be exposed to many different plants that can cause rashes that itch and burn.  
      One of the most common plants that children are exposed to is Toxicodendron radicans, commonly known as poison ivy. We have all heard the saying, “leaves of three, let it be!”  Poison ivy is a woody vine with leaves in groups of three (with the center leaf being the longest). The plant appears red to pink in the spring, turns green in the summer and then from red to purple in the fall.
      Poison ivy causes a rash due to exposure to the resinous coating on the leaves called urushiol. You don’t have to come into direct contact with the plant in order to get the rash. Contaminated clothing or contact with a pet that has been exposed can also cause the rash.  
      Once you come into contact with the oil or resin from the plant, it is important to decrease the amount of exposure as quickly as possible. Remove all clothing that had contact with the plant and wash with detergent. If the clothing is not washed, you can be reinfected months to years later.The skin should be washed with soap in cool to cold water, or the plant oil can be removed with rubbing alcohol. Animals are not affected by poison ivy but can transmit the oil to humans. It is important that exposed pets be given a good bath; however, be sure to wear gloves when bathing our furry friends.
      Once exposed, the rash can appear as soon as several hours later or up to 10 days later, depending on the person’s sensitivity. The rash is usually resolves on its own within two to three weeks. The rash of poison ivy often looks like a line of blisters, but when the resin is spread from one area to another by rubbing, it can appear as an itchy, red, swollen patch.  The fluid from the blisters does not spread the rash, and the rash itself is not contagious.  
      Treatment of poison ivy depends on the severity of the rash. Topical treatments such as over the counter hydrocortisone or topical diphenhydramine can help reduce the symptoms. For blisters and itching, one can apply a “burrows solution”  by dissolving Dome-Boro tablets (available at the pharmacy) in a pint of water, soaking gauze in the solution and applying to blistered areas two to three times daily for 20 minutes at a time. In severe cases, a dermatologist should be consulted since oral prescription medications can improve the rash quickly.
      The spring and summer can be a great time to be outdoors with the kids, but pay close attention to your surroundings and make sure you are aware of what plants your children or pets may come into contact with.
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    • Just as we nurture and challenge a child’s cognitive IQ, we need to do the same for a child’s emotional IQ.
      As parents, we are constantly second-guessing ourselves about the decisions we make surrounding our children.  Did I handle that tantrum right?  What activities should I sign my child up for?  Am I over-scheduling my child?  How do I best prepare my child for school?  Did I choose the right school?  Is my child growing up to be a good person? 
      When these things are always on our minds, it is hard to gauge our own self-worth and determine if we are doing a “good” job as a parent. That is often why we are preoccupied with our child’s placement, school accolades, test scores, and other points of measure. It is validation to us that our choices are adding up to something meaningful, something right. 
      But what if all the important decisions we are making to ensure our children are successful and happy can’t really be measured by a number? 
      Dr. Robin Stearns of the NYU Child Center, as well as a growing body of researchers, have found that while IQ and worth ethic are important to success, they are not the only keys to success. Instead, they are finding that a person’s emotional intelligence (EQ) is just as important, if not more important, than a person’s cognitive IQ. 
      Emotional IQ refers to a person’s ability to understand and manage emotions, set and achieve challenging goals, feel and show empathy for others, establish and maintain positive relationships, make responsible choices, etc. Just as we nurture and challenge a child’s cognitive IQ, we need to do the same for a child’s emotional IQ.  When we do, we give our children an enormous advantage in living a life that is productive, successful, and filled with happiness. 
      If you have put time and energy to ensuring your child’s academic readiness, then I would invite you to consider the importance of putting the same amount of time and energy into nurturing your child’s emotional intelligence.  Here are six ways to support this social and emotional growth: 
      1.  Name emotions.  Be specific and go beyond happy and sad.  Validate your child’s emotion and understand that where that emotion may be coming from.  “I understand that you are upset that we can’t stay at the park.  Being at the park is fun; however, we enjoyed an hour playing and now we need to go home and make dinner.”
      2.  Create a family mission statement.  Know who you are and what your family stands for.  Let this set the priorities for family time.  For example, if faith is important to your family, then going to Church on Saturday or Sunday is priority, regardless of birthday parties, athletic games, or other scheduled events.  Determine your family’s core—you will be happier for it. 
      3.  Encourage your child’s own ability to solve problems.  Teach your child they have control over how to solve problems. For example, if you are stuck in traffic, you can choose to get upset or you can choose to stay positive. You can’t control the traffic, but you can control your reaction to the traffic. It is this ability to determine what is in our ‘circle of control’ that allows us to be strong and emotionally mature. 
      Walk through the steps of problem solving with your child whenever you can. Use the S.T.E.P. acronym in helping to solve both minor and major problems: 1. Say the problem. 2. Think of solutions. 3. Explore consequences.  4. Pick the best solutions. 
      4.  Be a good listener. This means going beyond hearing the words people say.  53% of communication comes from a person’s body language and another 40% comes from tones and feelings reflected in a speaker’s voice.  When kids are upset, it is okay to say, “Your body language is speaking louder than your words right now.  When you are ready to talk about what happened, I am ready to listen.” 
      5.  Teach your child that perfection is not possible, but excellence and accountability are. When children are caught doing something unacceptable, a natural response might be, “My child wouldn’t do that.”  But our children aren’t perfect and often do things we wish they wouldn’t do. Our response and what we teach them in these moments sends a clear message on what we value and what expectation we have for next time. 
      When someone does something wrong, the ultimate goal we should have for them is to learn from the mistake. This means they have to be accountable to the choice they made. If they don’t learn this sense of accountability, they grow up and become co-workers who make excuses and blame others for their failures. 
      What we want to teach our children is that perfection is not what we want to strive for. Instead we strive for excellence—always pushing to be the best, but accepting the consequence when we are not. 
      6.  Foster empathy. Know the difference between sympathizing and empathizing. Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone. Empathy is understanding another person’s struggle. No easy task. How can we ask a five year old to understand what it means to live in a wheelchair and not walk? The easiest way to increase a person’s empathy is by reading. Yes, that’s right, reading. Books open us up to worlds we can only imagine. They allow us to follow characters that have struggles we might not have personal experience with. It provides talking points.
      Today’s changing world has a whole new set of criteria for what it means to be successful. Certainly we want our children to be academically successful. But intelligence is only one piece—and maybe not even the most critical piece.  We need to nurture our children so that they become adaptable, communicate well, problem solve, take initiative, work as a team so that they are truly prepared for what lies ahead. 
      The next time you think about studying flashcards or practicing an academic skill, challenge yourself to think how you will devote just as much time to developing your child’s social/emotional intelligence. 
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    • A summer nanny may be temporary, but you'll still need to put in some effort to find the right fit.
      With school out for the summer, many families will struggle to manage the summer chaos, especially with kids at home all day. Some opt for summer camps, but for many parents hiring a nanny seems like the best approach. Because it can be time consuming to find the right person, use my 10 tips to make your search for a summer nanny a bit easier.
      1. Plan ahead – Try not to wait until the last minute as many summer nannies are looking for jobs that start as soon as possible.
      2. Create a job description – Be clear about what you expect from your summer nanny. The more detailed you are the better the nanny will know how to make you happy!
      3. Recruit – Finding a summer nanny is not hard. You can use an agency for a prescreened professional nanny, get a referral from a friend or use an online resource, such as NPN's Childcare Classifieds.
      4. Screening – Make sure you interview each candidate, call references and run a complete background check. Even if the nanny was a referral from a friend, do your due diligence.
      5. Trial – Have a “playdate” with the prospective nanny and your kids to make sure they like each other. You want to make sure the nanny knows how to connect with your kids as well as your kids connect with them.
      6. Offer – Make sure your offer is clear and detailed. Just because it is temporary you still want to be clear about hours and pay. Also what happens on the 4th of July as well as if you are planning on taking a vacation and will not need the nanny?
      7. Training – Have your new nanny shadow you for a few days so she learns your routine, places your kids like to go and how you handle tantrums. This will help your new nanny be successful vs. just throwing her into the trenches. This also helps your kids understand you trust the nanny and when the nanny is on duty the nanny is in charge.
      8. Communication – Make sure to continue to communicate with your nanny about how she is doing, what she can change or how to do things differently to be successful.
      9. Binder – Having a binder about your kid’s schedules, favorite foods, approved activities, friends for playdates and local parks is very helpful to ensure your kids have a fun summer.
      10. Relationship – Just because your nanny is temporary doesn’t mean the relationship has to end when summer does. Keep the relationship active, as maybe your nanny can babysit on weekends during the school year or come back next summer!
       
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    • As your kids get older, perhaps playgrounds are not their first choice for outdoor playtime anymore. Before they retire their sliding and swinging skills, check out these playgrounds that have more challenging climbing structures. Get in on the fun yourself and challenge them to a climb – you’ll be amazed how interesting these playgrounds can be for even you!

      Union Playground
      Location: 1501 W. Randolph St., Near West Side
      Challenge Details: From the huge dome climbing structure to the hanging rope bridge, Union Playground has challenges even adults will love! Enjoy the suspended “swings” and climbing wall. Got little siblings?  No worries, there is also a traditional structure suited for toddlers. A gentle, circular water sprayer WILL soak you.
      [Related: Best playgrounds close to El stops]
      Merrimac Playground
      Location: 6343 W. Irving Park Rd., Dunning
      Challenge Details:  Gentle slopes within the playground, recycled rubber walkways and unique structures are some of the offerings here. Even the uniquely designed toddler structure has some new challenges your older kids will love.
      Humboldt Playground
      Location: 1400 N. California Ave., Humboldt Park
      Challenge Details:  Difficult climbing structures are plentiful here. Multiple circular structures as well as an Eiffel tower rope structure offer modern climbing fun! Again, a small toddler structure can keep little siblings happy.
      Dean Playground
      Location: 1344 N. Dean St., West Town/Wicker Park
      Challenge Details: This sunny playground with a water sprayer has circular monkey bars and a slide without sides – both tough to navigate and a challenge to accomplish.  Bring some soccer balls, lacrosse sticks, and anything else the oldest siblings would love to play outside in the adjacent field.
      Jefferson Playground
      Location: 1640 S. Jefferson St., Lower West Side
      Challenge Details:  This sun soaked playground has it all:  a challenging circular climbing structure, a traditional structure with slides, swings and a water sprayer for those hot summer days. Lots of space and picnic tables to make it a destination for all ages.
      [Related: Best Chicago playgrounds for the potty-training toddler]
      Mary Bartelme Playground
      Location: 115 S. Sangamon St. West Loop
      Challenge Details:  No list would be complete without this playground. The climbing structures, many made from recycled rubber, offer many challenges for older kids and even for adults. The slopes and angles in this playground create challenge and adventure at every turn. After some hard playtime, enjoy water mist from the sculpture nearby.
      Edwin C. "Bill" Berry Playground
      Location:  31st and Lakeshore
      Challenge Details: Space-age looking climbing structures and unique challenges fill this playground. There is also a tall climbing wall with three options – easy, harder and hardest! Enjoy the beach, bathrooms and lakefront path nearby, as well as two water-spray areas.
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    • Here are some tips to get you on the right track for the first 6 months after giving birth. The most important one? Go easy on yourself.
      Lately, there seems to be a growing trend of moms getting down on themselves for not fitting in to their pre-baby jeans a few weeks after having a baby. I have seen it posted on message boards, asked about in class and all of the magazine covers out there certainly don’t help. Your body goes through more changes during the 9 months of pregnancy than a man’s will his entire life. It’s important to respect that—you just grew a human being! Your body has changed, and it will take time to get back in shape.
      Farel Hruska, FIT4MOM National Fitness director sums it up perfectly: “I applaud new mothers eager to get back into fighting form after pregnancy, but fitness goals must be realistic and respectful of the time it takes to bounce back after birth. New moms need to remember that it took nine months to gain the weight—at least that much time needs to be allotted for the way back.”
      Here are some tips to get you on the right track for the first 6 months postpartum.
      Month 1:  Your priority in the first few weeks postpartum is recovery from labor and delivery and to bond with your baby. Gentle activity is encouraged, but don’t rush the progression. Start slowly with a walk around the block- if you feel good afterwards- go a little further the next day. Pelvic floor exercises (kegels!) can be started within 24 hours of delivery- they will help recondition your core and bring oxygen rich blood to your pelvic floor to help with the healing process.
      Month 2: You can generally resume your regular routine, again being cautious not to rush the progression. At 6 weeks, most women are given the ok to begin exercise again—it may be longer if you have had a difficult delivery or c-section. Follow your doctor’s orders- if they tell you to wait another week, wait and let your body repair. 
      Month 3: Look in to a mommy and me fitness class. Not only are they great workouts, tailored for postpartum moms, but they are a wonderful way to meet other new moms and to help create your village. My personal favorite are Stroller Strides and Stroller Barre offered by FIT4MOM, but there are many other options out there- from mommy and baby yoga, to baby wearing Zumba and more. Make sure that the class you choose has instructors who are certified in post-natal fitness and understand the changes that the pre/postnatal body goes through. 
      Month 4:  Think about your fuel. What are you fueling your body with? Clean eating, especially if you are nursing, is a huge piece of the health and fitness puzzle. Focus on eating foods in their most natural state- avoid processed foods. Read your ingredients label- you should be able to pronounce everything that is in your food. If not, don’t put it in your cart.
      Month 5:  Think about your intensity. Are you ready to kick it up a little? Or are you still not sleeping well and feel exhausted? Listen to your body and adjust your workouts accordingly. Perhaps add another day of workouts to your calendar, or scale it back. Use the 2 hour rule to gauge your intensity: You should feel energized 2 hours after a workout, not like you need to take a nap. 
      Month 6: Keep going. Keep following your routine of clean eating and moderate exercise and you will get there.    
       
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    • How to judge a school based on your experience with its admissions process.
      For many families, the admissions process is daunting. Although most independent and private schools have one, all are not made equal.
      When parents ask me about the admissions process, I have lots of advice but mostly I try to get across that every school culture is different and every admissions director handles the process according to their specific school culture. Below are five take-aways for families in the admissions process.
      1. The process and the school are one
      Never separate the process from the school. How your questions are answered, how much time you spend talking to administrators face-to-face, how and if you get to spend time in the classrooms—all of these are direct samples of the interaction you will have going forward. Not getting questions answered or calls returned is a sure sign that what's ahead won't be any different. If you can't seem to get a real feel for the school community through the admissions process, there's potential that things may not change once you enroll.
      2. You should get all access to the school
      One of the most important decisions of your child's academic and social development is in your hands. Every admissions process should afford you the opportunity to talk to teachers, parents, students, alums and administrators. In fact, you should be provided with all access. I personally prefer to hold open house events on school days. I do this because I want parents to see a real day in the life at my school. I want them to get a survey of the students and envision their little one sitting in those chairs or playing that instrument in the music class.
      When I interview families, I always ask if they want to see more of the school or meet with our division head. Our current admissions process encourages parents to visit a classroom, or two. I recently had a parent ask to visit four classrooms, noting that she wanted to get a sense of how the road ahead looked for her 3-year-old. I truly believe that if we did not offer the flexibility to do this, she may not have chosen our school. Any school, no matter how big, fast and strong, should be open to sharing any and everything with you, no matter how many times you ask.
      3. Get a clear understanding of the educational program
      Whether the process takes you to the admissions director, division head or head of school, you should walk away with a sound understanding of the type of education your child will be embarking upon. Is it play-based? What is the high school record? Is there emphasis on a certain type of learning (e.g., project-based, experiential, inquiry-based)? Most importantly, every person you connect with should be saying virtually the same things. The themes should match up, the culture should connect, and your perception and understanding should grow deeper with each encounter.
      4. Understanding and expectations of the process
      Every step of the admissions process should be outlined either on the website or in the printed materials. You should be provided an overview of how long the process will take and all individuals you may be required to meet. Some schools require families to meet with both the admissions director and the head of school. Others require that you meet with members of the school community, such as the advancement officer or trustees. Wherever the process takes you, you should have a clear road map to get you through the process that includes decision letter deadlines, interview dates and all parties involved.
      5. You have the right to choose
      Many of my colleagues will squirm at this, but the need for a school to be the perfect fit for your child and family is far greater than the need for you to meet the contract deadline demands of a school that may not be your first or best choice. Admissions directors are people too, and in most cases if you ask them to provide a modest and reasonable extension on your deadline, they should.
      I once had a family on the wait list who shared with me that the "other" school they had applied to was using intimidating tactics to get them to sign their contract, allegedly going so far as giving this family a time stamped deadline. I know that some schools fill up fast, but this kind of pressure is not representative of the best practices outlined in the national standards and best practices for enrollment management professionals. Bottom line is: You have the right to choose and no admissions professional should intimidate you into thinking otherwise.
       
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    • How summer activities can strengthen your child's development.
      As warm weather approaches, the great outdoors seems to beckon children and parents alike. Slides, swings, and climbing structures welcome summer play with open arms, and parents enjoy watching their children release energy freely.
      While playground equipment is engaging for a time, it can quickly become dull when used in the same manner everyday. Below are some ways to make outside time more enjoyable and allow parents to be active participants in the excitement of summer while strengthening their child’s development.
      Gross motor
      Dance barefoot on plastic mats covered in shampoo- keep your balance! Set up items from around the house to create an outdoor obstacle course. Write many gross motor activities on cards and put them in a bucket. Try to get through all of the cards as quickly as possible. Examples: Gallop to the tree and jump 10 times. Hop up the hill and roll down. Social studies
      Walk around your neighborhood and write down interesting places you see. When you get home, make a neighborhood map including the places you noted. Make a list of different sounds in your community and try to find them as you walk around. Ex: bus horn, goose honk, bicycle bell. Math/science
      Count change at home and write down your total amount. Head to the farmer’s market and discover all you can do with that money! Purchase a snack, purchase berries and make squish art on white paper, tip the musician. Mud day! Wear bathing suits and have tubs of mud for children to explore. Add baking and measuring supplies, plastic animals, and toy vehicles and let imaginations fly. Ask thought provoking questions such as, “How do we make mud?” and “Why do you think this mud is thicker than that mud?” Explore with bubbles and then try to make your own solution. What makes up bubble solution? What is important to add? Have many liquid materials for your child to experiment with- let them make silly, smelly, and strange concoctions. Did any of them work? Why or why not? Art
      Hang a white bed sheet between trees. Fill spray bottles with watercolors and blast away at the sheet! “Paint” trees and sidewalks with paintbrushes and water. To make it more colorful, draw with chalk and then paint over the design. Tape paper down a slide. Dip toy cars in paint and race them down the slide. If the slide is unavailable, this can be done on a flat surface. Literacy
      Search the city for alphabet letter representations (a gate shaped like a T or tree branches shaped like a Y). Take a photo of the letters you find and try to make an entire alphabet book! Tape alphabet letters to a Twister mat and call out alphabet letters or sounds instead of colors. Story Stones--draw pictures of nature onto stones (or cut and tape from magazines). Arrange them in different sequences to create multiple summer stories.
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    • Ways parents can negatively affect their children’s self-esteem, making them more likely to become a victim of bullying and to make poor life choices.
      As parents, we do everything we can to nurture our children’s physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual needs. Yet, despite our best efforts to raise our kids to be resilient and have a strong sense of self, we see more and more children the victims of bullying.
      When a child has healthy self-esteem, she is less likely to be the victim of bullying and more likely to make healthy choices that lead to a fulfilling life.
      In my work with parents, I have found three common ways we sabotage our children’s self-esteem without realizing it, making them more likely to become a victim of bullying at some point during their school years and make poor life choices.
      1. Not recognizing how our past experiences and beliefs impact our kids.
      Often our children’s challenges reflect an unresolved challenge in us. I was working with a parent whose 12-year-old daughter was being bullied by other girls in her class.
      The first question I asked the mother was how she got along with girls in school. Her knee-jerk reaction was that she had no problem with other girls, but upon reflection, she realized that she did not have many friends and held a belief that girls were mean. 
      Once she uncovered this belief, we talked about how this does not need to be true for her daughter. Within a few weeks, her daughter began feeling more empowered and befriended the main bully!
      Reflect on what beliefs you may hold that could impact your child’s self-esteem, and see how that belief doesn’t need to be true for your child.
      2. Praising in a way that has our kids chasing praise and giving up rather than rising to challenges.
      Many parents give praise by saying things like “You did a great job cleaning your room,” and we think we are doing right by our kids. However, praising by evaluating your child’s result is actually damaging in the long run.
      When you evaluate and judge something your child has done, you take away your child’s ability to evaluate himself. Because self-esteem is something that he cultivates on the inside, it is important to praise in a way that has him evaluating himself as doing something good, rather than hearing it from the outside, which leads to chasing praise and feeling manipulated.
      Try describing and appreciating your child’s efforts by saying “You picked up everything in your room and made your bed….thanks for your help!” Praising in this way allows him to evaluate his work and tell himself something empowering like “I am a helpful person.”
      3. Not giving our kids the space to solve their own problems.
      It’s hard not to jump in and solve every problem your child encounters, however you do them a disservice when you do. A great question to ask your child when facing a problem is “What do you think you should do to solve this problem?” I guarantee you will be astounded by the wisdom in the answer you hear!
      Allowing your child to think through the problem and come up with options will help her feel empowered and confident as she deals with challenges, and will set her up for good problem solving skills as she grows.
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    • How to teach your kids respect for all religions, including the faiths of their parents.
      After we got engaged and heard an ongoing chorus of well wishes and congratulations, the first question came—then another and another, always from different people, typically those we had never expected. It was shocking. After all, the way we planned to raise our interfaith children, who didn’t even exist yet, was none of their business. But questions are inevitable when you have an interfaith family.
      My husband was raised Jewish and I was brought up in a Catholic home, but to be perfectly honest, neither of us is very religious. We respect the traditions, celebrate the holidays, but that’s about where it stops. Both of us are more comfortable living our lives in a way that shows compassion and respect for all people instead of sticking to a religious doctrine, one of the main reasons we fell in love with each other in the first place. And those are the values we try to model and instill in our young boys—ideals that almost every religion celebrates and encourages.
      It is easy to make these statements, but much harder to put them into action. So here are some tips we found that foster the growth and development of our interfaith family.
      Listen to each other. As in all marriages, communication is key. When there is a complex situation, such as blending two religions, there are many different viewpoints to acknowledge and address. Don’t be afraid to express how passionate you are about something, whether it is decorating a Christmas tree, attending Passover Seder or baptizing a child.
      Compromise. This is important for any family situation, especially when dealing with faith, which tends to be a highly emotional topic. We had a few instances of holidays overlapping, such as when Christmas fell during Hanukkah. By compromising, we were able to spend time with both our families, not choosing one over the other.
      Do what’s right for your family. Attending weekly religious services isn’t a priority for us. And that’s OK. Having a library filled with different children’s books that explain various holidays is a priority for us. And that’s OK, too. Just as you use parenting techniques that work best for your family (bottle vs. breast feeding, helicopter vs. free range parenting, etc.), the same is true for celebrating your faiths.
      Make your own traditions. Every winter, we set up our Christmas tree next to our menorah. Our Elf on the Shelf plays with our Mensch on the Bench. We love the fact that our family’s traditions are unique and respectful of different religions and are not determined by anyone but us.
      We have almost finished our fourth year of parenting, and our little guys know more about both our faiths than we did at their age. To us, that is a huge success. And when they ask us to stop off for matzoh ball soup after a frigid Easter egg hunt? Even better.
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    • This could feel like a regular vacation for us and our special-needs kids. If everyone would just stop staring.
      Sometimes I want a break from being ALL. THE. THINGS.    The home nurse, the fierce advocate, the educator, the researcher of everything related to X medical condition, the "don't you dare come in our hospital room ever again and I want to talk to your supervisor NOW" quality control specialist, the accountant, the medical supply manager, the parent/child visit supervisor, the guy at the bottom of the totem pole who gives all the updates to the DCFS people who can't seem to update one another even though they work in the same dang office, and of course, the mom.    On this vacation, I just wanted to focus on being a mom and enjoying that role.    I wanted to go away, dress the kids in their adorable patriotic outfits, watch some fireworks, snuggle and pretend life was normal.    But it's not normal and we can't seem to fade into the background, ever. On our first day, when I walked into the cafe to get our morning coffee with baby in the carrier and the feeding tube making its obvious appearance beside him, every single person I walked by stopped to stare. Not exaggerating, either—you would have thought I had forgotten to put pants on.   I stared back (because grown-ups shouldn't get away with staring), and every other person tried to cover up their rudeness with a, "They are so cute, are they twins?" comment.    (Really? Because you clearly didn't even really see them under their feeding tubes or you would have noticed that there is a clear age gap.)   It all felt so intense. And coming from a week and a half with an intense hospitalization and non-stop focus on this little baby, we all just needed a break from the "something is wrong" spotlight.    So I worked extra hard to make it all feel normal, because if I can't feel like "just a mom," I at least want each of them to feel like "just a kid" for a few short days on the beach.    And I have to say, these kids rock at childhood. Perhaps it's because they know what it's like to be confined to the walls of a hospital room for days and days on end, but they find joy in each and every thing. They soak in the sunshine, the sand, the wagon rides, and the water so purposefully and intentionally. They explore and thrive.    They don't even notice the stares or the comments, they just enjoy each moment. Which reminds me: I can choose that, too. 
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    • Finding the right school for your child starts with asking the right questions. Here are 9 important questions to ask when researching preschool and elementary schools in Chicago.
      Whether you’re attending the NPN School Fair or you’re going on a school tour, asking the right questions of a school representative is one of the most important ways of determining whether a school is right for your child. 
      But what should you ask? Below are some of the most common questions parents ask when chatting with school reps, along with why their answers are so important.
      1. What is the education philosophy?
      You’ll want to know whether it lines up with what you believe and how you want your child to learn.
      2. What is the average class size, and what is the teacher-to-child ratio?
      An obvious question, but an important one: The smaller the class size and teacher-to-child ratio, the more attention each student receives.
      3. What specials does the school have?
      Specials are classes in areas such as music, art, gym, drama, band and foreign language. Not every school offers them, so if any of these subject areas are important to you, make sure they’re also important to the school.
      4. Is there recess?
      Recess is not a given, and if a school does have it, it may not be as frequent or as long as you or your child would like. Better to set your expectations now, or use this factor as a tipping point in choosing a school with a longer recess if that’s a priority for you.
      5. Does the school have before- and after-school care?
      If you’re a working parent, this question is crucial. Find out if the hours of the before- and after-school care work for your schedule, and if the cost works for your budget. Some schools offer care on-site, but others contract it out, which will likely have your child walking or being bused to another location.
      6. What is the approach to standardized testing, and how have test scores grown over the years?
      This answer to this question will reveal the school’s academic priorities and how the school handles students’ stress when it comes to testing. How a school’s test scores are improving shows you its potential. If the scores are improving every year, that’s obviously a good sign. Even if the school’s test scores are not where you want them to be right now, they might be there by the time your child is in school.
      7. How do teachers support students who are working above or below grade level?
      If students are excelling or struggling, some schools give individual work suited to their level, but other schools expect all children to move at the same pace as the rest of the class. Parents should ask this question so they can be prepared to supplement their advanced child’s learning at home with enrichment activities or, for struggling students, spending extra time on homework or hiring a tutor.
      8. What is the discipline policy?
      Many schools use a strategy called “restorative justice,” which eschews punishment for mediation and agreement to solve problems. Others go the traditional detention and suspension route. How a school handles discipline reflects its culture and, with a few more questions (e.g., How many detentions and suspensions were handed out last year? At what point would the teacher or principal call a parent?), you can get a sense for how nurturing the administration is and how safe the environment is.
      9. What opportunities are there for parents to get involved in the school?
      In many ways, a school’s success depends on parent involvement, from fundraising to helping their kids with homework to advocating for improvements. It also gives you a feel for “extra” activities a school might provide, such as movie nights, dances and winter celebrations, which often are organized by parents.
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    • Tips on how to let your kids enjoy trick-or-treating without the crazy sugar high.
      I know that Halloween is a favorite holiday for so many people. And I totally get the appeal—carving pumpkins, dressing up in cool costumes and getting free candy is pretty sweet. As a parent, I still love the holiday, but I’ve learned that I need to "tweak" my approach to the holiday to keep my kids from turning into little monsters.
      For starters, the crowds in Chicago can be out of control, especially during the trick-or-treating hours hosted by neighborhood stores. It’s a far cry from the small-town experience I had a kid and, truth be told, it can a bit much for my youngest who tends to be crowd adverse. Our solution: Go early and make a quick exit. Sure, that means less candy for the kiddos, but isn’t that also a parenting win?!
      I’ve also learned that not all kids like dressing up. Last year, we tried to get my four-year-old to wear three different costumes. She HATED them all. They were either too bulky or too “polky.” So, this year, we’re meeting her where she’s at: a simple cotton T-shirt with her favorite character on it and a matching cape. We’re definitely not going to win any costume awards, but she’s comfortable and that’s what matters.
      And finally...let’s talk candy. As a dietitian, I’m very mindful of the fact that most kids (including my own) eat too much sugar on a regular basis. But on Halloween, I want my kids to be able to enjoy a reasonable amount of candy without feeling any guilt.
      So, here are five simple strategies we use to relish in the gluttony of the holiday without straying too far from our wellness goals.
      Surround yourself with healthy foods. Before trick-or-treating, feed your family a healthy meal and be sure you’re stocked up on fruits, veggies and whole grains the rest of the week. Eating high-fiber foods helps us to feel full, which makes candy less appealing. Enjoy, then limit. After you get home from trick-or-treating, let your kids eat a few of their favorite treats, guilt-free. Then restore your normal rules about candy (i.e. limit it to one fun size snack per day).  Keep active. After your kids eat their Halloween candy, plan a movement activity (like riding scooters or going to the park) to help prevent the dreaded sugar high. Out of sight out of mind! Keep the leftover Halloween candy in a cabinet where it can’t be seen every time anyone walks by. Hand out healthier treats. Limit the amount of candy in your home by handing out individual bags of pretzels, stickers, pencils or fun erasers, instead.
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    • We can help our kids focus on something they can understand that affects everyone in the world: kindness and respect.
      It was a Sunday night, and we were settling in as a family to watch a Blackhawks game when the game broke away for a nightly news update. The newscaster mentioned a looming storm, a car accident on the Kennedy and showed a clip of the President-elect behind a podium. My five year old looked at the television, looked at me, and then asked me why the President-elect was yelling. And to be honest, I wasn’t really sure since there was so much yelling going on for months and months in the political arena and it was beginning to wear on my heart…and my ears.
      [Related: A British expat mom on teaching kids manners]
      But here’s the thing: As parents and citizens it is our responsibility to weed through all of the politics and the ugly bickering that comes along with it and instead focus on the issues that we are passionate about. As an interfaith family, race relations are always on the forefront of our minds, as well as education, since we have two young boys who will be entering the public school system next year. Since these topics are complex and it can be difficult to explain why they are such “hot button issues” in this political climate to young kids, we focus on something they can understand that affects everyone in the world: kindness and respect.
      As we live our daily lives, we are always talking about kindness and respect. When I tuck my boys into bed each night, I ask them how they were kind that day. If they can’t think of anything, we talk about different situations in their day when they could have made a choice to be kind, such as inviting a friend to join in on a game or sharing a toy. We also make a conscious choice to fill our family library with books that showcase all of the different ways that people can and do make a positive impact on the world. NPN is another great resource to find ways for your family to volunteer and give back to the local community so you are truly practicing what you preach.
      [Related: Kid birthday party etiquette for parents]
      Respect is a bit trickier for young kids to understand, but it is now more important than ever to show everyone respect. During the election, our neighborhood, like many others across the country, was littered with lawn signs supporting one candidate or another. When my boys asked me what all of the signs were about, I tried to make my explanation, although imperfect, as simple and impactful as possible. I told them that everyone wanted to make the world a better place, but that different people had different opinions on how to make it better. The most impactful part of our conversation was when I explained that even though people disagreed, it vital that they listened to one another’s ideas because maybe, just maybe, they could blend their opinions to make one unstoppable idea.
      If you ask me, politics aren’t important. People are. And that’s what kids really need to know.
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    • Tips and examples to get the communication about school started between you and your child.
      When you ask your kids the question, “How was school today?”, count yourself lucky if you get an “OK” or “fine.” As parents, we all want to know: Are they having fun? Are they playing nicely with others? Are they nurturing healthy relationships with their friends and peers? And the one that worries us the most, Are they eating lunch? Every day, tons of us suffer from not being able to communicate effectively with our children. As a mother of three and a parent educator, I’ve had to learn how to communicate with young children, especially after school. Here are some tips and examples to get the communication between you and your child started.
      Be mindful. Know that they have been sitting for most of the day (at least six hours!), and some days they may be frustrated about the day and not ready to talk. Bite your tongue and resist the urge to wear your FBI hat. Do not interrogate them. You may want to wait until dinner or bedtime to ask. In the meantime, concentrate on making the time fun and relaxing by asking easy questions, e.g., example “What would you like to eat for dinner?”
      Ask open-ended questions and be specific: “Tell me about something new you learned in Math today.” “Where is the coolest place in the school? Why?” “Who is the funniest person in your class? Why?”
      Share something about your day and ask about theirs: “I had a tuna sandwich for lunch. What about you?” “I am getting ready for a meeting tomorrow and need to create an agenda. When is your next exam and what is it going to include?”
      Use their artwork as a conversation starter: “Which technique did you use here?” “What were you feeling when you drew this?”
      Ask silly/fun questions: “Tell me something that made you laugh today.” “If you could be the teacher tomorrow, what would you teach and how would you teach it?”
      Know the school schedule: “Today is Thursday: Tell me about the new song you are learning in music class today.”
      Don’t forget the not-so-nice questions: “Tell me about something that made you sad today.” “Is there someone in your class that needs a time-out? Why?” “What can you do when you feel sad or frustrated in school?”
      Finally, listen. As soon as your child gets in the car, stop whatever you are doing and be present in the moment. Let them be the first to say anything and do not come up with conclusions before you hear the entire story. Children gain confidence as they relate their day and you affirm them. Be aware of signs. Your child may be showing off more than just having a bad day. Remember to stay in constant communication with the teacher. Teaming with the teacher helps the child be successful because after all, it takes a village!
      Nilmari Donate is the founder of HKC Parenting and School Consulting Services. She holds a BA in Public Health and an MA in Parenting Education and Support from DePaul University. She is the mother of three young bilingual and multicultural children.
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    • When you have an outgoing child, shy parents are often forced to confront their own awkward tendencies.
      There are characteristics I hope I can pass along to my 17-month-old son—my honesty, work ethic and reliability are a few. Preferring to be in the background in social situations is not one of those characteristics. Thankfully, he doesn’t seem to be following in daddy’s footsteps in that regard as no matter whether he’s with my wife and me at music or French class, the local playground, or NPN’s Fright-Free Halloween Fest, he always seems to be in the middle of the action, chatting with anyone and everyone, and just being his very social self. I’m thrilled to see this, but make no mistake, it can be a challenge when my son puts me in social situations that I would—under any other circumstance—try to find a way to avoid.
      So how do quiet, reserved parents like myself overcome their own social insecurities when their child doesn’t seem to have any? These strategies have been, at least at times, helpful for me:
      Don’t be such a grownup 
      We spend enough time paying bills, preparing meals, changing diapers and being responsible. Why not take your child’s lead, let loose a little, and, like the saying goes, “dance like no one is watching”? Scream and run around at the park with your little one. Sing with confidence with you’re asked to belt out an impromptu solo at Wiggleworms in front of a crowd of 10 parents and children. Throw on a wig and make Halloween fun for the first time since you were a kid. Besides an opportunity to make a fun memory with your child, what do you have to lose?
      Focus on the benefits
      When I go to the bakery around the corner for my small café latte, I rarely engage in small talk with any of the workers or other patrons. I’m there for my drink and then I either flip open my laptop or I head home.
      A few months ago, though, I was there on a Saturday morning with my son to pick up a snack and I started chatting with a man seated next to us. This man asked if I knew about the other coffee shop around the corner that had added a special kids section where kids could play with a train, toys and games while their parents could sit and drink a coffee. I had not.  But now, just because of that 5-minute conversation, that other coffee shop has become one of our family’s favorite local hangouts, especially when bad weather prevents us from going to the park.
      This is just a simple example, but it shows how opening yourself up to others can open doors for you and your child(ren) that you may have never even known existed.
      Avoid those dreaded awkward silences 
      A couple weeks ago on a rainy Sunday afternoon, my wife and I took our son to the above-mentioned coffee shop so he could play and we could get some much-needed caffeine after a long weekend of activities. We were the only ones there for about 15 minutes until another family arrived with their son, who was a little older than ours, and a baby girl.
      This area is cramped to begin with—I started feeling claustrophobic when none of the four adults were saying anything to each other. Just thinking about this experience makes me uncomfortable, and I regret not saying something more than “Hello” when they arrived and “Have a good night” when we left. I can only imagine how much more enjoyable this experience would have been for everyone had someone struck up some sort of conversation to break the ice. Instead of worrying about saying the wrong thing, just saying anything can sometimes be all that it takes to get a good conversation going.
      Remember that you’re setting an example 
      I think about this one often as our son is in that phase where he’s repeating almost everything my wife and I say and mimicking our movements. It’s quite remarkable to see this type of growth, but it has also opened my eyes to how observant he has become of our behavior. And he’s just going to become more and more aware. So it’s up to my wife and I to show him that it’s not only safe to connect with others, but he can gain a lot from these interactions.
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    • Setting personal goals will keep you energized and focused on a life outside of parenting.
      It was a Sunday afternoon last month and I found myself doing something I rarely get the chance to do: laying on the living room couch in a silent house. With our young son asleep in the other room, I was mindlessly flipping channels looking for something, anything, to keep my mind off the fact I had no workout planned. For the previous six months, I started every day looking at my workout log and preparing myself to meet that day's challenge. I followed that routine as close as the rest of my schedule would allow, as I missed just five workouts during that 26-week stretch. Each time I crossed off that day's scheduled exercise, I gained more and more confidence.
      Yet here I was, exactly one week removed from crossing the finish line alongside my wife at the Honolulu Marathon in what was one of the most exhilarating and proudest moments of our lives, and I suddenly had nowhere to run. I felt like a failure.
      While I know this isn't true, as I am blessed in many ways, the importance of setting/striving for personal goals became crystal clear for me in that moment. I can't just have my life revolve around my son and his activities. He will always come first, but I need to move me-time up my list of priorities and be running toward something—and it doesn't need to be the finish line of a marathon or any other athletic endeavor. It could be learning an instrument (which I'm considering), a foreign language, how to paint, or something else. It just needs to be something because:
      Whether I achieve my goal or not, just taking the steps to achieve my goal will help me experience personal growth and keeps me energized, both physically and mentally. Setting goals brings balance to my life. Not everything can be about my son. It just can’t. It gives me something to look forward to that doesn’t involve walks to the park, Wiggleworms or my son’s Saturday morning French class. It sets a good example for my child. By trying to better myself and staying focused on my personal goals, my hope is that my son will one day learn the importance of goal-setting and trying to improve himself—in whatever way he feels is necessary.
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