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    • How to apply for Chicago Early Learning preschool options in Chicago Public Schools.
      As you are researching preschools for your little one and weighing your options, did you know that Chicago Public Schools offers many part-time and full-day, school-based and affordable preschool programs at select CPS schools across the city? Perhaps more importantly, if you thought you missed the preschool application boat for next fall, it’s not too late to apply for a seat in this program for the 2019-2020 school year.
      It’s called Chicago Early Learning (CEL), formerly known as “Ready To Learn” or “Preschool for All.” The application window opened on April 30, 2019, and will stay open until seats are filled. Unlike CPS’s full-time, tuition-based pre-K (TBPK), which requires you to apply directly with each school for admission, the CEL program’s application process is centralized with application sites located throughout the city and tuition is based on a sliding scale. You can apply online at www.chicagoearlylearning.org and find out quickly if you have a spot or will be put on a waitlist.
      Here are a few more details about Chicago Early Learning:
      Programs are either half-day (2.5 – 3 hours) with morning and/or afternoon sessions available at each school, or full-day (7 hours, which CPS has been increasingly adding) options, so be sure to filter your search. (The outgoing mayor’s “Universal PreK” for 4-year-olds is gradually being implemented, with 28 sites this fall.) Programs offer a well-rounded and evidenced-based curriculum with assessments to ensure students are on track for kindergarten.   Tuition is on a sliding scale based on household income. Families can search for and review sites with the Find & Compare online tool, which can filter by hours, duration and program feature. Out of 600 school and community-based programs, each child may apply up to 2 sites but can only be accepted to one. Separate applications for each child can be made under a family’s account, but CPS cannot guarantee that siblings will be placed together. Chicago Early Learning does not include private schools, magnet, Montessori or tuition-based schools.   Priority is given to 4-year-olds for CPS based programs, while 3-year-olds will have community-based program sites to choose from. How to apply: All Chicago residents, regardless of income, are welcome to apply for a seat to any CEL program location. Families can apply online, in person at one of several Family Resource Centers, or by phone at 312-229-1690. When applying online, there are 3 steps: 1) create an account, 2) fill in family employment and income info, child’s info and rank up to 2 program choices, and 3) if selected, you will be instructed how to verify your child’s spot.
      Verification requirements for CEL include: Proof of child’s age (children must be 3 or 4 years old and potty trained by September 1 of the entry school year), proof of residency, and proof of current income of parent(s) or guardian(s) of child. The City of Chicago prioritizes eligibility for these programs based on factors such as age, income, and child or family history.
      Starting in June, families may be notified immediately if they are placed in a program or if they will be put on a waitlist. If a family is offered a spot to their top-ranked school, they will not be placed on a waitlist for their second-ranked school. Families have up to 2 weeks to “verify” placement by visiting a Family Resource Center. After verification, the final step is to enroll your child at the preschool site. 
      Many parents across the city find the Chicago Early Learning preschool program not only affordable and convenient, but also a great way to transition children into a preschool curriculum with the flexibility of a shorter school day, if available, or full-day options nearby. With many CEL programs housed in neighborhood and/or magnet schools, they're also a good way to help you determine whether a particular CPS school (or public school, in general) is a good fit for your child and your family. These programs do not guarantee admission to the participating school’s elementary program, however, unless that school is your assigned neighborhood school.
      Visit www.chicagoearlylearning.org for more information about the program and to access a complete list of program locations and application sites. Helpful FAQs can be found here.
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    • It took me years to realize it, but comparing my parenting or my daughter's development to others' was taking the fun out of being a mom.
      I was not a comparative type of person...until I became a mom.
      One of the first things I noticed after birthing a child was that all of a sudden—POOF!—I became both comparative and competitive. What percentile was my child in?  Where did she fit in the developmental and growth percentages my pediatrician was always talking about? Was she an early walker? Does she sleep through the night? Was she smart and confident? Does she play instruments and speak multiple languages? 
      This sudden sense of comparing took me by surprise. I was disgusted with myself when I would think of stories to top my friends’ when they would talk about how their kids were such amazing eaters-of-spinach or rain-man-like-geniuses-at-puzzles. As I tried to get to the bottom of this ugly side effect of parenthood, I realized that part of it came from the fact that I knew that my parenting was a huge part of who my children would become. The choices I made FOR them would undoubtedly help or hurt them. This was the most important job I have ever held.
      Since that time I’ve tried to let go of this awful tendency to let comparison inform my parenting. One example: My daughter was not completely potty trained until the age of 5. I brought my best hard-core-potty-training game to the table at age 2 (when all of my friends started potty-training). Never have I parented worse or disappointed myself more. When I met with my pediatrician (after feeling more depressed than I’d ever felt in my life as my daughter stood in her 32nd puddle of pee and said—yet again—“What’s THAT??!!”), I realized she wasn’t ready. I was only potty-training because everyone else was doing it. We didn’t wave good-bye to pull-ups until halfway through kindergarten (and I think my daughter and I have a healthier relationship for it, thank you very much). But all of the comparisons I drew in my head made it a much tougher road than it could have been.
      I happen to think that the city of Chicago breeds an environment that struggles more with comparisons. And for good reason: We have so many incredible choices for our children! Take schools, for example. If you’ve researched schools in Chicago, you know that it’s harder than getting your Masters degree to wade through the public schools, private schools, parochial schools, neighborhood schools, magnet schools, lottery schools, etc.  IT. IS. OVERWHELMING. Everyone chooses differently and it’s hard not to compare.
      Just like letting go of my expectations about when a child should stop peeing in a pull-up, my husband and I had to sort through the school decision and determine what things were most important to us.
      We get asked about our school decision very frequently because we chose a private school called Christian Heritage Academy (CHA). The educational environment is completely geared toward cultivating a love of learning by doing the opposite of what much of Western education emphasizes—time sitting at a desk going through worksheets. It’s different from many schools in Chicago. 
      Now, don’t get comparative on me—it’s different, not the best. Christian Heritage Academy also integrates Christian faith throughout the school day. This is my favorite thing about the school. When the kindergarten girls got catty, the teachers intervened in my daughter’s class and reminded the kids of a school rule: We Do Not Exclude. Why? Excluding hurts people. If we want to love people well, we include them. 
      In conclusion, I love this city, with the array of choices and comparisons. Comparisons with other Chicago parents, kids, and even siblings can destroy the true joy of parenting. 
      I am reminded by my 8-year-old daughter’s wisdom:  “Mommy—I was reminded today that each of us is like a snowflake: Completely beautiful, and uniquely gifted with our own special sets of abilities.” 
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    • This Chicago mom gave herself one year after the birth of her second child to lose 100% of her baby weight. Here's how she did it.
      Photo: courtesy Charlotte Tsou
       
      Having a child is just like having an open heart surgery, once your chest is cut open, you are never the same.
      Becoming a mother greatly changed my mentality and priorities in life, but it also altered my physical well-being. I am not talking about squeezing into that old, small bikini, which is highly desirable, but building back my physical strength and stamina. I came to realize that I needed them desperately to stay healthy and take care of my kids.
      After the postpartum recovery, the faster you can regain your physical strength the better. However, it may not be realistic for many mothers, because this tiny human being relies on you to be nurtured and loved, so setting up a goal and a doable timeline was the first important step for me.
      After the birth of my first daughter, I was determined to fit back into that beautiful bridal dress, which I bought before I found out I was pregnant, and to look beautiful for my “dream wedding.” Therefore, my clearly defined goal and the major incentives to feel and look great helped me to drop 50 pounds in just four months. Not fun, but I did it.
      It was a totally different story after my second baby. I did not have a specific goal to chase, but I did want to get back to my healthy weight in order to feel better about myself. The reality is, I did not want to perpetually chase these last 8 pounds until my kids are in high school...or to fit in those skinny jeans in just four weeks like those YouTubers or Hollywood stars. I was realistic; I gave myself one year. I made up my mind that by the time we celebrate the first birthday of my second daughter, it would be the time to return to 100% me. And I did it. 
      Being a working mom is not easy in my humble opinion, but it enables you to optimize your working hours and to squeeze in time to "invest in yourself." On the other hand, a stay-at-home mom who is always busy with the kids also struggles to find “me” time. There are different obstacles for each individual and it takes different paths and time to "get back to oneself."
      Taking a holistic approach at my current physical and mental state, I started with a goal of "80%", meaning lose 80% of the baby weight and return to 80% of my physical strength by month 4 when I went back to work from my maternity leave. I did it and I blogged about it, so I felt accountable to myself. However, my body condition fluctuated throughout the following months, attributed to work stress, two toddlers, our nanny situation and a husband constantly traveling. Here some of the tools and solutions I adopted that I found useful:
      “Beachbody on Demand” is the best workout for a stay-at-home mom or when you can't step outside of your home. There are different styles of workout to fit individual needs. Some fitness celebrities I found annoying, but PiYo is a great start when I was ready to exercise again. It is a very balanced workout with not too much jumping and insane cardio, but you get results. I started to "tuck" things back to my pre-pregnancy shape.
      Fortunately, I live in Chicago, and the area has countless boutique workout studios. I also enjoy the vibe of working out in a group with an experienced instructor. At the end of the session, I feel fresh and energized, as if I planted a new tree, taking all the oxygen I need to pump through the rest of the days and weeks.
      Not many people are aware, but Studio 3 has a postpartum promotion with a deep discount for unlimited access to this new and posh studio that offers yoga, cycling and circuit training. I found time to take care of my kids and work out there during my maternity leave. After that, my ongoing solution is the combination of on-demand workout and Class Pass. I logged in around 120 visits in 8 months. I tried everything. Besides Studio 3, my favorites are SWEAT (smart circuit focused), Studio Lagree (intense Megaformer-machine Pilates) and Yoga Six (very high-quality yoga teachers). Honestly, there were times and even weeks when I'm dragging and miss classes, but I do keep my mantra from work—"Showing up is 70% of success"—so I keep showing up.    
      I do think that constant diet projects may affect negatively the eating habits of your growing kids. However, I also believe that not feeling oneself as being physically strong and fit also reflects poorly on self-esteem. As a result, moms may not be able to keep up with the new human beings in her life, which is a big issue for every “super mama.”
      Nevertheless, even the most organized moms sometimes do feel frustrated, as if all the super power is sucked out of their bodies. When I feel that way, I revert to my yogi spirituality and begin to chant the Ashtanga closing Sanskrit:
      It is truly amazing how the repetition of these simple words can rebalance me and get me back on track.
      Translation:
      After five to 10 chants, I regain my superhero powers. Happy birthday to my baby's 1st year, and more power to every single mama!
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    • A stranger illustrates how to treat children with disabilities or special needs: with dignity and respect.
      For 20 years I have been a parent of a child with special needs. You can imagine how often I have shopped for, and with, my child. Over the course of those years, I have encountered numerous vendors, proprietors and salespeople. There are retailers to whom I would never return and those who I frequent. There are common characteristics of those vendors, and quality of merchandise is not high on the list.
      Foremost, both the sales personnel and the shop are inviting. When I walk into a store I want to feel welcomed, and my daughter, who has Down syndrome, wants the same. There is often an assumption that a child or an adult with a disability is not aware of, or cares about, common courtesy.  A simple "Hello, how are you today?" is all it takes to feel welcome. An acknowledgement of our presence goes a long way.
      It is a good practice to assume that the child or adult with special needs understands all or most of what you say. Oftentimes a person's expressive ability (speaking) is much slower or more impaired than his/her receptive language abilities. This means that although a child may not be able to answer your question, he/she does understand the questions and comments you are making. To this point, it is imperative that you develop the practice of talking to the child, not about the child. There is nothing more offensive than to have my daughter standing next to me and a person ask me about her, as if she is not there.
      In addition to speaking directly to the child, it is important that you give the child time to process your questions. Don't make the assumption that because she or he did not answer you, he/she is being rude. My daughter was once asked a question by a vendor, and over 2 minutes later walked back over to him and gave an answer. From an outsider point of view, it looked as though my daughter, 1) didn't understand the question, and 2) was inconsiderate. Neither was true, but because the vendor quickly gave her a positive response, my daughter was encouraged to engage more. As a result, she seeks out that vendor and we are in his shop frequently.  
      Just recently, my daughter and I were shopping for gardening supplies. When I came home, I told my husband that we always need to buy our flowers and vegetables from this vendor. Here is why: As my daughter and I walked around the shop, the saleswoman nodded her head "hello" (nonverbal communication). When she was finished with her current customer, she came over to us and introduced herself, shaking my daughter's hand (interaction). She could see we had already started to fill our basket with items and she turned to my daughter and said, "Oh, I see you've already made some great choices! I love the succulents that you have picked out!" (engagement and positive reinforcement). She then asked us if we needed help and I said yes, we were looking for a plant to fill a planter. She turned to my daughter and asked her if she wanted a flower for the new pot. She waited for a response. When my daughter said "yes," she then said to her, "Would you like a red flower?"  (Waited for answer, which was "no.") "Would you like a yellow flower?" (Waited.) "No." "Would you like an orange flower?" "Yes!" Immediately she responded, "I love orange, too! Let's go find an orange flower for you to plant."  
      As the proprietor of the store rang up those items, I asked her about the saleswoman, whose name was Pat. Was she a special ed teacher or therapist working here for the summer? No, Pat is a master gardener. Is she a parent or sibling of a child with special needs? No, Pat is just Pat.
      Pat had no "official" training or education in working with children with special needs. She was simply enthusiastic and engaging with both myself and my daughter. Her interactions immediately built a rapport and she gave my daughter what we all seek the most: dignity and respect.
      One final thought: Be aware that anyone in your store may have a family member with a disability or special needs. How you talk about people will be noted. When you use "person first" language ("I have a client who has Down syndrome," rather than "that Down syndrome girl"), family members take note. When you interact directly with a person with a disability, family members take note.
      I once took my children to a new salon for haircuts. Afterward, my son, who was only 10 at the time, pulled me aside and said he always wanted to get his hair cut there. I said I didn't know he cared about his hair that much, and he said, "It's not the haircut. They were nice to Emily." He has been getting his hair cut at that salon for the past eight years. We all have.
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    • Tips on hiring a good kids birthday party entertainer from a Chicago party expert.
      You’ve been there: the “best party ever.” There are games, music, characters, and an entertainer taking pictures and playing with your children. But now, it’s your turn to plan the birthday party for your child and you want the same or better experience. Before you jump to hire the first company you find in your Facebook’s mommy group, it’s important to consider who — and what — you’re dealing with. As the president of a kids’ entertainment company, I can shed some light on the subject.
      Are you calling a legit/legal company?
      There are tons of people advertising themselves as “entertainment companies for children,” and most of them are not legit companies. You’ll recognize them because they want you to pay in cash, they don’t have a website, or their social media pages are poorly done or non-existent. Check the small print: Real companies should have an LLC or Inc. after their name.
      Who works for this company?
      You wouldn’t invite a stranger into your home, right? Make sure you ask: Are background checks and drug tests regularly required of employees? Many companies (especially the ones that aren’t legal) send whoever is available to work, and many times they don’t even know the performer. I once heard a mom saying that the person she hired came intoxicated and the kids could smell the alcohol.
      Is the company insured?
      Did you know that even face painters should carry insurance? Always ask. Why is insurance so important? Let’s say the kids are having a lot of fun and while dancing, someone bumps into a speaker and it falls and injures a child. I’m sure you don’t want to deal with a lawsuit. Insurance means the company is liable, so you’re not.
      Is the show age-appropriate for your child and guests?
      We’ve all seen those characters twerking on Facebook. Ask what kind of music the entertainer plans to use during the show. You can even ask about the type of games they will be playing.
      Have you checked the reviews?
      It’s common sense: Before hiring a company, shop around. If you see a company with a high number of likes on Facebook and tons of great reviews, go for it! Read the reviews, privately contact the company, and ask questions. Usually, companies with a low number of likes and no reviews are a red flag.
      Yes, parties are hard to plan. But the smile of your child that says, “This was the best party ever!” is worth the effort of asking a few questions and doing your research.
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    • Here are 4 things you should ask a daycare about safety before you enroll your child.
      There are so many factors that are important when choosing the right child care provider, but above all else we want our children cared for in a safe environment. Kids in Danger (KID) has pulled together a list of safety questions to ask your provider to make sure your child is in a safe space.
      What you could ask: How do you keep up with children’s products recalls?
      What the provider should say: The provider should be telling you that they are signed up to receive recall alert notices from either the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) and/ or Kids In Danger (KID). If they don’t already receive these alerts, encourage them to sign up for the free service at CPSC.gov or KidsInDanger.org. CPSC will email each time there is a recall; KID will send an email once a month with all the month’s recalls. Bonus: KID’s email alert includes a printable list of recalls for posting.
      What you could ask: Have you secured the furniture in your facility?
      What the provider should say: They should be saying that they have purchased anchors and brackets so that the TV’s and furniture don’t tip over and pose a safety hazard to children. If they haven’t done this yet, you can recommend they visit any electronic or children’s store and purchase these inexpensive safety devices from the “home safety” section or online.  
      What you could ask: (If you have an infant) There are new safety standards for cribs that caregivers are required to comply with. Do your cribs meet this new standard?
       What the provider should say: The provider should have proof that their crib was manufactured after June 28, 2011 (when the new crib safety law went into effect). Feel free to encourage them to print and post this handy poster that will let other parents know that the caregiver is aware of these new standards. Also, request that providers not use dangerous crib accessories such as crib bumper pads, sleep positioners, and soft bedding as they can pose suffocation, strangulation and fall hazards to children.
      What you could ask: (If the children travel by car or van in childcare) Many car seats are not installed correctly. How do you make sure each time the car seat is correctly installed?
      What the provider should say: They should say that they have been trained on car seat installation. If you are concerned about the installation of the car seat, encourage the provider to check out their local Safe Kids branch which will have a car seat installation specialist install the car seat for you. They should also mention that they keep up with car seat recalls through the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA). Like CPSC and KID, NHSTA emails car seat recall notices directly to you if you sign up for their free service.
      To learn more about the broader concerns involved in choosing a childcare provider, please visit the National Association for the Education of Young Children’s website at Naeyc.org. For more information on child product safety, please visit KidsInDanger.org.
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    • How to be a good friend to couples or women experiencing infertility, and how infertile women can advocate for themselves.
      “She defied the odds” is usually associated with heroic tales. He beat cancer. She won the election. Her business thrived despite ________ (insert natural disaster here). 
      When you are infertile, beating the odds is the most deflating, depressing and difficult pill to swallow. I have now officially defied all odds, hooray! Just another badge to put on my IVF vest.
      I am 29 years old and have been actively seeking infertility treatments for 1 year and 8 months. I have unexplained infertility, which basically means it's all a crap shoot. Doctors try some drugs on me, hope it works and, if doesn’t, throw a new slew of meds my way.
      To date I have had 1 IUI, 4 retrievals (1 of which failed, the other 3 resulted in 72 eggs), 4 failed transfers, 1 hysteroscopy and PGD testing. If the odds were in my favor, I would have been pregnant two transfers ago. But alas, even with a thick uterine lining and genetically perfect embryos, I am still not pregnant. Instead, I am waiting to do another test. 
      Two years ago I would have never expected to be a part of the IVF world simply because I didn’t know it existed. One in eight women experience infertility. That is an insane amount of people, Considering it is such a large population, why aren’t we talking about it more? There is shame associated with infertility due to strict gender binaries, lack of information regarding women’s health...the list goes on.
      We should not and cannot suffer in silence. Those who are infertile and fertile need to work together to ensure all women and men feel included and heard. April is Infertility Awareness Month and so I offer a few ways to help.
      Commandments of being a good fertile friend:
      Do not tell your friends how to feel.  Do not tell your friend to relax/ it will happen when it happens/ if they adopt they will get pregnant/ etc. etc. etc. Do not complain about being pregnant. Do not complain about how annoying it is to have kids. Do not talk about your hormones like we don’t know. LISTEN. Be empathetic. Be understanding when your friend can't attend your bris, baby naming, baby shower, etc. Advocate for legislation that will help ensure insurance covers IVF. Resources for infertile friends:
      Join a support group!  Find a therapist who specializes in medical issues (specifically infertility). Feel all your feelings and do not apologize for it. Treat yo’ self—get a massage, buy new clothes, get a mani/pedi. Talk to friends. Do not blame yourself. Check out resolve.org, a non-profit that provides support and resources to infertile people. Check out theivftimes.com, my light-hearted blog about infertility. Infertility is hard. There are days where your brain doesn’t work, you can’t function, you cry, you laugh, you cuddle and visit the doctor. You are doing all of the right things and you are not doing them alone.
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    • Have you started getting calls from teachers about your child's behavior disrupting class? By law, your school may be obligated to help with this issue.
      Now that it's fall, the days are getting shorter and the honeymoon period for your child’s return to school has ended. Maybe you've begun to receive calls and e-mails from teachers and school administrators that your child is not following directions, is being disruptive in class, or is struggling generally. The school district may also be mentioning possible disciplinary action toward your child. You know that your child needs help, but what can you ask for and what are your child’s rights? The answers to these questions often turn on whether your child has been or should be identified as having a disability. 
      Children with identified disabilities: Children with identified disabilities in public schools may be entitled to receive services and accommodations through an IEP (Individualized Education Program) under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Improvement Act (IDEA) or through a Section 504 Plan under the Rehabilitation Act of 1973. 
      There are many accommodations, related services, and supplementary aids and supports that can (and should) be implemented in the regular education environment for a child with behavioral/emotional challenges. In addition, the IDEA requires the consideration of a Functional Behavioral Assessment (FBA) and Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP) for students who are unsuccessful with typical behavior supports. The FBA and BIP are formal ways for parents, teachers and other school professionals to work collaboratively to determine the best way to help a student who is exhibiting behavioral difficulties. 
      Children with IEPs or Section 504 Plans are also entitled to protections and procedural safeguards should their behaviors invoke significant disciplinary action such as a suspension or expulsion. As a general rule, the suspension or expulsion of students with disabilities has been treated similarly under both the IDEA and Section 504. The Office of Civil Rights has stated that the same protections available to students classified as students with disabilities under the IDEA are available to students classified as students with disabilities under Section 504, except for students who have a disability solely by virtue of alcoholism or drug addiction. 
      Children “not yet identified” with disabilities: If you believe that your child may be entitled to accommodations and/or services for emotional or behavioral challenges under the IDEA, you have a right to contact your school and request a case study evaluation (CSE). In Illinois, a school district is required to respond to a parent’s request for a CSE within 14 school days of that request. If the school district determines that an evaluation is not warranted, it must provide its reason for denying the request in writing. 
      Similarly, if you believe your child may be entitled to services under a Section 504 Plan, you have the right to contact your school and request an initial evaluation in order to determine whether your child is eligible to receive supports and services under Section 504.
      In addition, under certain circumstances, a student who has not yet been identified as eligible for special education may still be entitled to claim the procedural protections afforded to individuals under the IDEA. A previously unidentified student with a disability facing disciplinary action such as suspension, expulsion or a change in placement to an interim alternative educational setting may, nonetheless, claim the procedural safeguards of the IDEA if the district had knowledge that the student was a child with a disability "before the behavior that precipitated the disciplinary action occurred." 
      Children without disabilities: Unlike the discipline of students with disabilities, the discipline of general education students is not governed by the IDEA or Section 504 procedural safeguards, but rather by state laws and regulations. Recently, Illinois enacted Public Act 099-0456 (commonly referred to as Senate Bill 100), which went into effect at the beginning of the 2016-17 school year. This new law includes a broad list of school climate and student-behavior measures, but its central purpose is to make suspensions and expulsions a disciplinary option of last resort. The goal is to keep children in school receiving an education.
      Under Public Act 099-0456, suspensions of three days or fewer will be allowed only if a student's presence at school poses a threat to others or "substantially disrupts, impedes, or interferes with the operation of the school." The law leaves those terms open to the discretion of local school boards. Suspensions longer than three days, expulsions, or disciplinary transfers to alternative schools may only be used if a student poses a threat or significant disruption to the learning environment and other options, such as restorative practices, have been exhausted.
      Lara Cleary is a partner with the law firm of Hansen & Cleary, LLC. Hansen & Cleary is a boutique law practice focusing on the representation of children and families, individuals with disabilities, medical and mental health practitioners, private schools, and other non-profit agencies in the greater Chicagoland area and throughout the State of Illinois. If your child is struggling in school and is exhibiting emotional/behavioral difficulties, your child may have protections and rights under federal and State law. Please contact us at 847-715-2801 or through our website, hansencleary.com, with any questions.
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    • A Disney veteran dishes on ways to do Disney on a budget and with fewer lines and kid meltdowns.
      Planning a Disney vacation can be an overwhelming experience filled with a mixture of excitement and angst. Here are some tips I’ve learned over our many trips to Disneyland (DL) and Walt Disney World (WDW).
      Have a loose plan 
      Choose two to three things you want to accomplish each day, then go from there. I get input from my family then sketch out a general plan. You will definitely see and do more, but this allows you to plan FASTPASSES (line shortcut, free with your ticket). Consider nap/pool time back at the hotel in the afternoon when lines are longest and it is hottest. (This is easier at DL, but doable at WDW.) If princesses are important, consider a princess meal and make sure to book that reservation in advance by at least six months (WDW) or 60 days (DL).
      Beware of scary stuff 
      Characters or dark rides might scare the youngest kids unexpectedly. My kids love everything to do with characters. However, our friend’s daughter on our last trip was terrified of them. When we realized this at a character meal, I promptly let someone know, and the characters stayed clear of her. Characters with visible faces (as opposed to masks), like princesses, are sometimes are easier for these kids. Similarly, dark rides with loud noises can scare some kids. If your child is new to rides, try open-air rides before moving to dark rides. If loud noises bother them, consider bringing some ear protection like Baby Banz.
      Manage lines 
      Lines + kids = nightmares for most families. In order to minimize and make the most of time in lines, get to the park early, schedule fast passes, and pack some easy entertainment. Lines lengthen as the day goes on. FASTPASSES allow you to skip the longest lines and can be booked 30-60 days in advance at WDW. For fun, I stash a small container of bubbles in my bag if the kids get particularly antsy. For older kids, Disney-related apps or hunting for “hidden Mickeys” can be fun.
      Manage security 
      There are always long lines for security, which can be especially hard for the youngest kids. We wind up sending one parent through the bag-check line with the stroller and backpack, while the other parent goes through the “no bag” line with some sunscreen and the kids. Inside the park, the second parent can apply sunscreen on everyone while waiting in a much more enjoyable location for parent #1. Better yet, try to avoid bags if you can so no one has to wait.
      WDW vs DL
      I prefer DL for the under-five set due to the close proximity of attractions and hotels. Plus, it has littles-friendly Toontown and Carsland. WDW has MagicBands (all-in-one line shortcuts and payment device), while DL does not. Instead, FASTPASSES are scheduled daily in the park at DL with separate room keys.
      Random tips and references 
      If you have a baby or toddler, use the baby centers. They have nursing areas, changing areas and even toddler toilets! If anyone has food allergies, Disney is great with them. Just speak up. Helpful websites: easywdw.com, disboards.com, mousesavers.com.
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    • How to know the difference between normal child behavior and something requiring medical intervention.
      Early in my son’s life, I was on the phone with one of my closest girlfriends, also the mother of a baby boy, and we were talking through the challenge du jour of parenting. (I think I was talking about finding a feeding routine that worked best for my son’s reflux, and she was talking about getting her son on a good nap routine).    She said, “You realize we are in for a lifetime of this, right? It doesn’t end with solving these problems…we will worry about something else next, like how they are making friends in kindergarten, understanding their algebra homework, getting their driver’s licenses, taking the ACT, going to college…it’s never going to end.”    Sheesh. She was right.    The worrying possibilities can be overwhelming and endless. Here, however, are a few topics that often cause parents to worry, but rarely become problems. So cross these off your list!    Irrational fears According to The Child Anxiety Network, 90% of children between the ages of 2 and 14 say they are afraid of something, such as loud noises, imaginary figures (monsters) and natural disasters (floods, earthquakes). Different fears arise at different times in a child’s development and usually go away on their own over time.    If a child is fearful of things or events after a traumatic experience, or if the fear (and accompanying avoidance or physical discomfort) is impacting his day-to-day life, it may be time to seek treatment from a psychologist.   Backwards letters (do not mean dyslexia) Misshapen letters—or letters that are turned around—are part of normal and expected development as children learn to interact with language. Many children who are perfectly bright and learning in a typical manner will write backward letters throughout second grade. Only when the backward letters accompany struggles with reading—such as learning phonics skills or remembering sight words—do we need to consider them an indication of a possible learning problem.   If your child is in kindergarten or first grade, enjoy their writing, allow them to “read” it to you and tell you about the story they have written without correcting letter shapes or spelling. If your child is well into second grade and forming backward letters without experiencing any difficulty with learning to read, look into a handwriting program (like Handwriting Without Tears) that can help with the motor-memory piece of forming letters.   If your child is any age and experiencing difficulty with early reading skills, look into testing and support both inside and outside of school. The kindergarten through second grade years are crucial years for both learning to read and forming a healthy sense of confidence around learning; difficulty during this window should be addressed immediately.   Choppy reading aloud Like misshapen letters, reading aloud at an uneven pace is part of learning to read. If your child is reading to you and it does not sound smooth or harmonious, just listen and allow him to continue to work with the text. He is getting great practice with language, and your corrections may discourage him and cheat him out of chance to work out the text himself. However, if he is clearly frustrated, he may benefit from having an adult read the page first, then he can reread it. This activity can serve as a wonderful bridge to fluent reading.   It is also possible that the book is not at his reading level—children often select books that are just a tad beyond their present knowledge and ability of phonics and word structure. The rule of thumb when it comes to selecting a book that is not too easy, not too hard, but “just right” (Goldilocks-style!) is the “five finger rule.” If a child picks up a new book, opens to the first page and, while reading this page, encounters five words that really stump her (keep track on her fingers), the book is probably too tricky right now.  
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    • Whether you're a new mom or a veteran with three kids under you belt, don't say these five things to other moms.
      Motherhood will make you feel every single emotion possible, including some emotions you didn't even know existed. But there's nothing like the anger/annoyance of an unnecessary comment from another mother. You know, someone who is going or has gone through the very thing you're going through, but somehow feels the need to express disdain or criticize the job you're trying your best at.
      So here are 5 things moms should never say to other moms:
      "Just wait." The problem with this simple two-word phrase is that it's never followed up with things like, "Just wait till your kid starts bringing you margaritas, it's so awesome!" Or "Just wait, in a couple months, you're gonna be able to sleep in until 9am and your 2 year old will totally be able to make pancakes on his own." Nope. Just wait is almost always followed by something negative and ain't nobody got time for that. "You don't feed your kid all organic?" Girl, are you buying my groceries? Because if not then please STFU. I'll feed my kid the best I possibly can but that might not include organic everything. And you know what, you and my kid will be just fine. "You look so tired." An appropriate response to that comment would be, "And you look so old." Kidding! Not really. At some point, we all look haggard, run down or tired, so there's no need to point it out. "You're going back to work/You're staying at home with your child?" GASP! Moms need to give other moms credit for whatever decisions they make with regard to working/staying at home. Period. "My kids would never do that." Right. Because you are a perfect parent with perfect kids. Maybe your kids would never do that but I am sure they did something else equally as bad. So please, get off your high horse and walk among us normal moms. So what should you say to other moms? A couple ideas:
      * "Can I get you a refill on that mimosa?"
      * "You look amazing and I totally can't even see the spit up on your shirt!"
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    • The first kid-focused Chicago charity pays parking fees for NICU parents.
      In the first of our new monthly series that shines a light on local charities that support Chicago children, we feature Jackson Chance Foundation co-founder Carrie Meghie (above, with her son Max). JCF aims to help parents whose baby is in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) by paying their transportation costs, including hospitals' pricey daily parking fees, so nothing stands in the way of spending time with their little one.
      What's your personal connection to this cause?
      My husband, Terry, and I founded the Jackson Chance Foundation in honor of our son Jackson, who passed away at 10 months in 2012. Because of a chronic lung condition, Jackson spent all but 48 hours of his life in the NICU. He passed away in my arms while holding his father's hand on September 7, 2012—just shy of 10 months old. After Jackson’s death, Terry and I asked ourselves what we could do to help other families with children in the NICU. The answer was immediate: ease the burden of the astounding parking fees that are preventing too many families from visiting their children.
      Like all parents of critically ill children, we were told by Jackson’s doctors that visiting our child every day was just as important to his health and recovery as the medical care he received. My husband and I were blessed to have the resources and support to spend each and every day with Jackson. We were able to find so much joy in the NICU and create an environment where the hospital became an extended family to us and Jackson. We wholeheartedly believe that the time we spent with Jackson contributed to his happiness and well-being during his short life.
      Why is this charity so important for Chicago kids?
      Imagine if your newborn baby was sick in the hospital for months, and every time you wanted to see your child you had to pay $15-$25 per visit. When Jackson spent his entire life in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), we realized this was a burden seen by many families with critically ill children who could not afford the high cost of parking and transportation. Can you imagine having to decide whether to pay your mortgage or to visit your critically ill child? We founded the Jackson Chance Foundation so that no family would have to make such a heart-wrenching decision. 

      Our mission at Jackson Chance Foundation is to enrich the lives of families with babies in the NICU by allowing them to spend more time with their critically ill baby. JCF created the NICU Transportation Program to partner with hospitals and alleviate the transportation expenses of all families each and every day their child in in the NICU. Prior to the NICU Transportation Program, monthly or daily parking passes did not exist, and families did not have access to in-and-out privileges. The programs are fully funded by JCF and currently benefit the Ann & Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago with the hope of expanding to more hospitals.
      Because of the Jackson Chance Foundation, no family pays for parking or transportation at Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago while their baby is in the NICU!
      How has being involved in this charity affected you as a parent?
      Founding and running JCF is my way of continuing to be Jackson’s mommy. I am taking care of his legacy as I would have taken care of him. He is with me each and every day and it’s a consistent reminder to cherish each moment. I have patience that I didn’t know was in me. I have learned not to “waste” my worries on the little things or something I cannot control. I have an appreciation for the everyday and simple things that I long for with my first born. All of this makes me a much better mother, to both my boys.
      How can people get involved?
      Our 3rd Annual Ping Pong Ball is October 29 at Hard Rock Hotel Chicago. You can support by attending, sponsoring and/or donating to our auction. Go to Jacksonchance.org to find out more.
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    • Summer is a great time to expose your child to a foreign language. Here are 6 fun ways to do it in Chicago.
      Worried your child might be losing her immersion language skills over the summer? Are you teaching your family language and eager to find new ways to connect your child to your family language? Parents of children learning other languages, whether through school, nannies or family, will find these ideas helpful to give their kids critical language exposure and support their development this summer.
      Get books! You can find bilingual books and books in world languages at your local Chicago Public Library, on Amazon, or through publishing houses like Tulika Books, Penguin Random House and many others listed on the Colorín Colorado website. Challenge your child to make these books part of a summer reading challenge.
      Do the weekly word challenge. Have your child pick a word in the target language, maybe an animal you saw at the zoo or a word in a book. Do a themed craft project around it (toilet paper roll zoo animals, anyone?), write it in fun ways for practice, or illustrate or write a story around it!
      Download apps and learning games. Games and apps pique the interest of kids and can provide rich learning opportunities in moderation. Traditional language learning apps like Duolingo and Mindsnacks provide fun, gamified experiences for older children. Young children are likely to be intrigued by alphabet games and language-rich YouTube videos. User tip: Extend the learning in the app by asking kids to use what they learned in real life (to write and illustrate a story, to act out a play, to teach a sibling) and pause at moments in videos that grab your child’s interest to make passive learning interactive.
      Visit language-rich places. There’s no better way to make the language come alive than to go to a place where it’s spoken. That could mean taking a trip to Taiwan or San Juan, but it could also be a weekend afternoon out eating, shopping, and experiencing places like Chinatown, Devon Avenue or Pilsen.
      Sign them up for events and camps. If you are crunched for time but want kids to have an intensive experience, check in with cultural and religious organizations for camps, Chicago Public Library for bilingual offerings or look into options like Concordia Language Villages or STARTALK programs.
      Join us at Foreign Language 411! Come to NPN’s upcoming event on Tuesday, July 25 from 6–7:30pm at GEMS World Academy to learn more about bilingualism and best practices for teaching language to your child. You’ll get info and tips, as well as the chance to socialize with other parents, equipping you with fresh ideas for extending learning this summer and beyond.
      Happy language learning!
      Jennifer Decker is a former teacher turned entrepreneur at FamLing Design developing products that multilingual families can use to make family language teaching easier and fun. She speaks five languages and is a kid-declared pro at gamifying homework time. She has an M.S.Ed from the University of Pennsylvania and has worked in education in Germany, the U.S. and India.
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    • Three things to do if your child is questioning his sexuality or gender identity.
      If your child starts to become attracted to someone of the same sex or wants to break away from typical gender expressions (e.g., a boy wearing a dress), you're probably wondering, Is this just a phase? Buckle up, because it’s not simple.
      The answer is yes and no. Some children have a clear sense whether they’re gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender from an early age and it never changes, while others might question and experiment with those identities only for a period of time. Most people report they have a sense of their orientation and gender identity in late childhood or early adolescence, around 10–13 years old. But that does not mean several people won’t experience periods of time where they may be attracted to someone of the same sex or wish to express their gender differently at any age.
      Thinking about whether these changes are temporary is really just the beginner step to asking, What should I do? And luckily that answer is simple and can be summed up in three tactics: Be loving, ask questions and educate yourself. Before I explain the benefits of why you should follow these steps, I’ll make a case against why not.
      Imagine coming to your parents to talk about something that might cause you to feel confused or even shameful. On top of that, what if you knew this thing you wanted to talk about could lead to being bullied, stigmatized and victimized? Then imagine your parent ignored what you said, argued against it, or plainly didn't believe you. Reflect on what that experience might be like.
      Fortunately, you don’t have to just rely on your imagination. Several research articles correlate negative parent perceptions of their child’s sexual orientation or gender identity with disrupted parent-child relationships, exacerbated mental illness symptoms and in some cases self-harm. Those are not inherent components of coming out. These outcomes happen when a child perceives they are a burden to those around them because of who they are. Extra emphasis on perceives. As an adult, you hold the power to reduce that psychological pressure by being loving and supportive, helping them to understand their experiences, and through education.
      Offer love and support. If a child comes to you with questions or statements about orientation or gender identity, first and foremost you need to offer reassurance that your love will be unrelenting. If nothing else, that is the takeaway.
      Ask questions. In addition, be curious about what your child is experiencing and ask questions. It communicates interest and acceptance. Convenient as it would be to have a simple path and timeline for LGBTQ experiences, there just isn’t one. In the same way that not every aspect of a religious or racial minority perspective can be explained in just one book or just one person’s story. Delve into your child’s experience and take in what she says about herself.
      Educate yourself. However, you don’t want to have your child be your only source of information. Ask LGBTQ friends, family members, local organizations and professionals for input. If you’re curious about what language is most appropriate, check out GLAAD.org. For the academic, look to scholar.google.com for peer-reviewed journals on LGBTQ research. And for those who prefer the medium of podcasts, listen to Unicorn Youth, which asks young people for their opinions firsthand. These resources are just a small starting point.
      When weighing the choices of how to react to your up-and-coming child or adolescent, I hope this piece tips the scales toward you offering support, because the risks of responding negatively to these changes carries a much heavier cost.
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    • One dad's rough ride on the road to finding the right treatment for his son.
      Have you ever been at a playground, a classroom or a family event where there's that "one kid" who's a little overaggressive, pushing other kids, knocking down another child's projects or looks like they’re in 6th gear? And, like me, have you judged this behavior, saying to yourself, “That kid needs more discipline," or "What horrible parents. I'd knock some sense into that kid if he was mine." We’re all a little guilty of these thoughts.
      Well, my son used to be one of these children. And, yes, I've seen the judgment and condemnation in the eyes of other parents as my son engaged in said behavior. As a father, I felt humiliated, embarrassed and not in control of the situation. I kept thinking to myself, “Where did we go wrong?”   Let’s be clear, I love my son more than myself, as does his mother. And by the age of two, we started to understand that our skills as parents raising other children did not work so well with him. He was not talking, he chose to run everywhere instead of walking and had more energy emanating from his body than a cadre of sugar-fed fifth graders. Our house had become the Land of Broken & Destroyed Toys. Even our then babysitter, a late fifty-something mother of four, was so exhausted by the end of the day that she could only sit as he bounced around the house like a pinball.   We thought placing him in a well-known preschool would benefit him, give him structure and a social outlet. Well, that didn't turn out well. Within three months, his teachers spent more time with our son than with any of his other classmates. He ran, knocked over other students' projects but, most important, he couldn’t work independently. So, sadly, they recommended our son be removed from the class and referred us to a local organization that could possibly help and find a better place for him.   I was heartbroken, humiliated and angry. Why angry? We were spending five figures in tuition for him, so you'd think they'd invest some of that money on additional support for students like our son (as a side note, I've now met four other parents who've been asked to leave for similar reasons). Anger was prevalent in the beginning stages of this new challenge.   It was dark time for me as a father: I was coming to terms with my son’s condition, wrestling with blaming our bloodlines or a possible prenatal or infant injury that encouraged me to stay in a state of denial. But something happened on the way—something that I didn't expect. And let's be clear, folks, us fathers can be an exceptionally stubborn, non-empathetic and clueless bunch of fools. We can be told something over and over again and it won't stick. And in this context I'm guilty.   So what happened? I guess I can say that after 360 half-days at a therapeutic clinic, 52 social-group appointments, 96 occupational-therapist sessions and 120 speech-therapist visits, that, yes, there is hope and that, yes, there are trained, compassionate, caring and selfless professionals out there. There are people who will sit with you and your child, day after day to help them communicate, regulate, socialize and become more self-aware.   During this two-year transition, I realized that my son had been living in his own darkness, trapped in the only reality he knew, where extreme physical activity was the only way he knew how to process his thoughts and communicate non-verbally to the rest of the world. As these amazing therapists watched, listened and taught my son, I learned there was a sensitive, shy and beautiful young boy trying to come out—and he did. He’s a hilarious, funny, sneaky and mischievous 4-year-old boy who has a normal, strong self-interest in learning, playing and eating as many gummy worms as possible.    Okay, so what's my point? Was it that I've come to grips with my son's challenges and will be growing and learning with him? Kind of, but that's a good one.   My point is that I love my children more today and will love them more tomorrow and the next day after that. I am no different than any father or parent that I've met (or have yet to meet). If you go through the denial, anger, negotiation then acceptance, know that it’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up.   Instead, join a social group, commit to attending a session once a month with your child or even volunteer to help. I joined LEEP Beyond, a non-profit that provides educational programming for children like my own. It’s been rewarding to meet not only other children like mine, but their amazing, loving parents. 
       
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    • My daughter needs to learn that there is more to talk about than body shape.
      If there is one thing I would change about my body it would be how people view it. Because they don't just view it, they feel the need to comment about it. In front of my children. 
      Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop talking about bodies, about my body. 
      "Oh my god, you're so skinny!" isn't praise or a helpful observation. It's annoying, unnecessary and not something I want my children to hear on repeat. 
      I actually own a few mirrors. I've seen my reflection and I don't need every other stranger and non-stranger to mention my appearance. I don't need your help in forming an opinion about my size. I especially don't need my children seeing my body through those comments. 
      At the current rate of remarks, my poor children are going to grow up thinking bodies are the most important thing to talk about. 
      "Oh my god, you look so... " STOP. Is that really the first thing you want to say upon seeing me? Is that supposed to be a greeting? How about asking how the kids are doing? You know, these little humans, right here, in front of us, hearing everything you say? 
      Oh, my dear fellow women who also struggle to love their bodies, what makes you think skinniness is a thing to be praised? Do you really want my daughter growing up thinking she needs to walk around seeking public appreciation for her body?
      My weight is not a badge of pride. It's often a sign a stress. Stress impacts bodies. So does illness and an endless list of other things that are not worthy of praise. Things that are not always in my control. Things that are actually scary and not something I want to talk about, especially if you're not a close friend of mine, and certainly not in the middle of Target. 
      So please, let's find a better way to greet one another and more meaningful things to chat about.
      I am proud of the things my body can do. It can follow wobbly toddlers and keep them from falling, it can soothe crying babies when I hold them close, it holds a heartbeat that my daughter loves to nuzzle in and listen to.
      I want our children to see us finding as much comfort and love in our body as they do. It keeps them safe, regulated and calm. 
      That's how they view my body and that's the view I want to have reflected back to me every day. It's what I choose to see. I don't need you interrupting that. 
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    • These family-friendly restaurants in Chicago have great patios and a relaxed atmosphere perfect for kids.
      It’s the first 70-degree day in months and you have visions of a perfect outdoor dining experience with the fam. There’s no time to research in between playdates, soccer matches and diaper changes. But we’ve got you covered thanks to crowdsourced recs from trusted parents. These dining dreams promise good food, great patios and enough room for the whole clan. In a city that loves to eat, narrowing the list to a few is challenging, but here’s our best effort for family-friendly dining on all sides of the city.
      [Related: You can make eating out with your kids actually enjoyable]
      Flo & Santos South Loop; 1310 S. Wabash Ave., floandsantos.com
      Food: Pizza, pierogies and beer
      Al fresco highlight: A spacious beer garden nestled just off of the El tracks makes this a cozy neighborhood hangout for the entire family, including Fido.
      Pro tip: Live acoustic music on the patio on Thursdays
      Café Selmarie Lincoln Square; 4729 N. Lincoln Ave., cafeselmarie.com
      Food: Breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner
      Al fresco highlight: Tucked in the heart of Lincoln Square, the outdoor seating and European pastries give off old world vibes, plus kids can run around in the square next to the seating.
      Pro tip: Don’t leave without a baked goodie.
      Nella Pizza e Pasta Hyde Park, 1125 E. 55th St., nellachicago.com
      Food: Pizza, Italian
      Al fresco highlight: Sleek, sophisticated outdoor seating for simply excellent Italian dining
      Pro tip: Order anything. Reviews argue it’s one of the best Italian spots in the city. Debate ignited.
      Easy Street Portage Park, 3750 N. Central Ave., easystreetpizzachicago.com
      Food: Pizza
      Al fresco highlight: Enjoy the patio and the big game with flat screens outside.
      Pro tip: Before you dig into your pizza, try the cheese curds.
      [Related: Chicago date-night ideas that go beyond dinner and drinks]
      Bang Bang Pie & Biscuits Logan Square, 2051 N. California Ave., & Ravenswood, 4947 N. Damen Ave., bangbangpie.com
      Food: Breakfast/brunch, bakery
      Al fresco highlight: At the Logan location, the casual, stylish patio more than doubles the seating on a warm day, and the facing patio doors provide ’Gram-worthy shots.
      Pro tip: Pie and biscuits are included in the name for a reason. Try both!
      The Waterfront Cafe Edgewater, 6219 N. Sheridan Rd., waterfrontcafechicago.com
      Food: American, seafood
      Al fresco highlight: Live music most evenings in the summer. The perfect urban oasis if you need a quick getaway from the real world.
      Pro tip: Take the CTA (Red Line: Granville), bike or walk to avoid parking challenges.
      Honey Butter Fried Chicken Avondale, 3361 N. Elston Ave., honeybutter.com
      Food: American, chicken
      Al fresco highlight: The spacious yet comfy patio on a warm summer night makes you feel like you’re hanging in your bestie’s backyard. Plus, there are always activities for the kids.
      Pro tip: Come for the chicken, stay for the pimiento mac & cheese.
       
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    • You can boil down most parenting advice to just two commands.
      Thirteen years of parenting and dozens of parenting books later, I’m here to offer my own advice for parents: Forget about it. Advice, that is. 
      We need an antidote to all the “do this, do that” out there for parents. Why? Why not use advice if we can learn from others so that our own journey with children is more joyful? Because, bombarded by so much advice, we can’t retrieve the applicable “to do” from our cluttered memory banks when faced with a particular parenting challenge. Especially when it’s sandwiched between all the other advice we absorb on a daily basis—advice on what to eat, how to get fit, how to save for college, how to maintain our homes, how to navigate office politics, etc., etc.  It’s advice overload. And if the adage “keep it simple” applies to anything in life, it’s parenting.
      As parents, we have a natural intuition when it comes to nurturing and guiding our children. The problem is, these days it’s very hard to access that intuition because are minds are so full of all the things we need to do, forgot to do, want to do and wish we had done. The average human brain generates 60,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day. These thoughts, along with keyed-up minds and bodies due to stress, cloud our deeper sense of the right action for any particular situation.
      I say the only advice parents need is this: Be calm, be present.
      Calm parents make wiser choices for their children. So find out your best source of relaxation and make use of it. Is it a bath, a leisurely walk, a few moments of quiet in your car before you enter the house, a phone call to a light-hearted friend, a cuddle with the family pet? If you start by being quiet each day, allowing yourself to just “be” for a few minutes, you are likely to find yourself naturally drawn to the calming experience your nervous system craves. As you discover what calms you, allow yourself time for it on a regular basis.
      What else can we do to tune into our natural parenting wisdom? Be fully present. Research shows that the average person’s mind wanders nearly half of the time, and the trend is upward thanks to our device-addicted, information overloaded, schedule-packed lives. Mind-wandering and multi-tasking are recipes for disaster when it comes to parenting. How can you possibly tune into your deeper intuition if your attention is divided two or three or six different ways? When we are distracted, we tend to react automatically, out of habit, often with an underlying desire to dispense with the problem as quickly as possible. When fully present we are alert to the essence, and subtleties, of the moment—the look of joy or pain on our child’s face, our natural compassion for them, our sense of our own limits and boundaries, and the spontaneous growth opportunity the moment offers.
      Strengthening your mind’s ability to stay present is like strengthening any muscle. You have to work it. The more you discipline your mind to be present, the more presence becomes your mind’s default mode. You can give your mind a workout by setting aside time each day to focus on being present, sometimes referred to as meditation. You can also give your mind a workout by returning your attention to the present moment whenever you find it has wandered, the essence of mindfulness. But don’t take my advice! See for yourself.  
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    • Donating new or gently used kids' items to this Chicago charity can change low-income families' lives.
      This is the time of year when many of us reflect with gratitude on what we have, and look to help those who have less. For Amy Kadens (pictured, above), founder of Chicago charity Share Our Spare, taking care of the less fortunate is a year-round endeavor. Her four-year-old non-profit provides new or gently used baby and children's items like diapers, toys and clothing to low-income or homeless families. Where does she get these donations? From awesome people like you! Read on about how this organization got started and how you can help.
      What's your personal connection to this cause?
      In May of 2011, I met a family at a North Side food pantry in need of an emergency supply of diapers and formula for their infant daughter. As the mother of my own infant daughter, I was absolutely devastated by the thought of not being able to provide her with such basic essentials. I emailed my personal network with a request to share any of their spare baby supplies to benefit this local family. The response was overwhelmingly positive, and we quickly collected hundreds of donations from parents eager to help those less fortunate.  
      The following month, Share Our Spare was founded by myself and nine other Chicago women with a desire to help local families in need. While the births of our own children resulted in an overwhelming accumulation of gear for our little ones, we knew that many families were struggling to provide their children with even the most basic essentials.  Recognizing that we had more "stuff" for our children than necessary—and knowing that so many mothers in the community were going without—we were inspired to come together create this organization.  
      Why is this charity so important for Chicago kids?
      We provide parents with a meaningful way to teach their children about giving back, empathy and understanding the needs of our communities. We offer age-appropriate volunteer opportunities for families to participate in together. Even young children can make connections about the power of helping those less fortunate when it is relevant to their world.  
      Whether it's collecting items in lieu of birthday party gifts, hosting a classroom drive around the holidays, volunteering in our warehouse with a Scout group, sorting clothes or counting diapers, there are endless ways to get involved—and that goes for adults, too!  We've enjoyed hosting a variety of groups at our warehouse: corporations for service days, mom groups for "sip and sorts" and the Honeycomb Project with its amazing army of family volunteers.  
      How has being involved in this charity affected you as a parent?
      I've been lucky enough to meet many of the parents we are helping. The truth is that they all want to provide the same things for their children as we do, but many of them are faced with making heartbreaking choices that thankfully we don't have to make. Choosing between providing essentials for their children (diapers, wipes, appropriate clothing, etc.) or paying bills or providing food—it seems unimaginable but it is the reality for many of the families that Share Our Spare serves. 
      As my husband and I are involved in a few organizations around the city serving individuals affected by homelessness, this is often a topic of conversation at home. Our oldest daughter has spent lots of time at ourwarehouse, she has personally chosen her own items to donate and has gone with me to deliver donations to other children. Every year for her birthday party, we ask guests to consider donating an item to ShareOur Spare in lieu of gifts. During the holidays, we sponsor a Thanksgiving meal for the homeless at a local synagogue and we adopt a family with our neighbors through a local food pantry. Our kids help us shop for presents on their lists, wrap gifts and make cards, and then we deliver everything to the family together.    
      How can people get involved?
      We accept donations at our River West warehouse on the first Saturday of each month from 1-4 pm. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more information on donation drop-offs, events and volunteering.  
      Volunteer with us! Visit our website to learn about all of the different ways you can help. Or consider a tax-deductible donation via Paypal or by purchasing directly from our Amazon wish list.  
       
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    • Play is way more than just fun. At play-based preschools, kids learn important life skills.
      “Play is often talked about is if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children, play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.” —Fred Rogers
      As a parent, I always thought play is play. Sure, I knew kids learn through play—after all, that’s pretty much what preschoolers do all day—but it looked to me as if they were simply imitating what they saw adults doing, often turning recent experiences into play. When I was a child and my whole family got very ill with mumps, all my dolls ended up in Tinker Toy “hospital beds.” Little did I know that as I grated a wine cork into what I called “body crumbs” (creating my own medicine!), I was also developing my fine motor skills.
      [Related: Getting into Harvard doesn't need to start in preschool]
      Play is way more than play. It is, as my kids’ preschool teachers always emphasized, children’s work. Their preschool, Akiba-Schechter, has always offered a play-based curriculum, but not until their recent “Power of Play” project did I fully understand how essential play is to children’s development, and how much learning and physical development is accomplished through seemingly simple play activities. For example, playing with Lego isn’t just playing with Lego. It also develops fine motor skills, math and cooperative learning. Children might decide to build a Lego city and need to figure out what it will look like, who will live there and what will happen there. When two children decide to build a bunk bed in the block corner, they are cooperating. They also need to take turns, listen to one another and be considerate and open to other ideas.
      The same goes for cooking: so much is involved in messing around in the kitchen, and here I thought it was mainly about the end product and having a fun time. Turns out cooking with kids fosters their social  and emotional development as they share, take turns and follow directions. It requires them to reason and problem solve. As kids use measuring spoons, count scoops, follow a recipe’s order and sort ingredients, they learn about one-on-one correspondence, sequential order, spatial relationships, and explore the measurements of objects and quantities. These are pre-math skills.
      [Related: Preschool vs. Pre-K: What's the difference?]
      Cooking also lays the foundation for literacy. Kids need to read labels on ingredients, decipher recipes, look through cookbooks and write down their own recipes. Stirring, pinching, scooping, kneading, and cutting develops their fine motor skills. Cooking introduces kids to science as they plan and carry out simple investigations such as combining liquids and solids and later when they discuss what they investigated. While it might be a messy proposition to have them create their own cookies, think about all the skills they are developing!
      Play develops life skills. So, the next time your child comes home and answers “play” to your question what she did in preschool all day, appreciate this crucial time of development that helps children be successful in life.
      Read more...
    • A world-traveling mom has tips on how to make traveling with your kids less painful and more fun.
      When I became a mother, one of the things I was most worried I’d have to sacrifice was travel. My husband and I share a passion for visiting new places and taking in new experiences, and I couldn’t see how that would be possible while carting around young children. I imagined us struggling through airports with too many suitcases, fighting with folding strollers and carting around car seats, taming toddler tantrums and hiding our faces from other travelers while our children melted down in their seats.
      Thankfully, with a few tricks, we’ve been able to successfully navigate a handful of fun family vacations. Here are some tips that made it possible for my three-year-old to rack up as many stamps in her passport as I had by the time I was 30!
      Give yourself extra time 
      There will be emergency stops, tantrums, meltdowns, shoes that take forever to take off and put back on and more obstacles than you can begin to prepare for ahead of time. Give yourself far more time than you need for everything from catching planes and trains to sightseeing. Trust me, you’ll need it.
      Have a game plan 
      Make logistical decisions well ahead of time. Where on the plane is it best to sit? The back row or near the front? Should you book an extra seat? Should you bring a car seat? Plotting out the trip will take the guesswork out of the whole ordeal, and you’ll be able to foresee any major issues.
      Be prepared for illness 
      Between exhaustion, new foods and new germs from sneezy travelers, there’s a good chance your little ones could come down with a bug while you’re away. If there are certain medicine flavors they tolerate that treat ailments they may be prone to, bring them. These remedies may not be easy to find while away from home.
      Occupy their time 
      Bring lots of activities and treats just for the trip. The novelty of new things to do is guaranteed to keep a little one entertained for at least a few precious minutes! Even if you’re not a family who watches TV, bring the iPad, loaded with TV shows, movies and games the kids might not expect. Bring or purchase lots of snacks in the terminal. When all else fails, a treat will be good bribery to keep kids quiet and happy for a bit.
      Be ready for messes 
      Bring along a sippy cup to avoid spills, a bib, more diapers and wipes than you think you’ll need, a change of clothes and a trash bag or two for diapers and discarded food. The less mess you have to deal with, the better. Travel can certainly be challenging and stressful for both parents and kids, but with a little patience, planning and extra savvy, it can be a great, memorable experience for everyone.
      Read more...
    • There has been a nationwide surge in parents choosing to homeschool, unschool, or choose a non-traditional school without a fixed curriculum or grades.
      To school or not to school?
      Wait, is that even a question? For hundreds of Chicago-area parents and many more across the nation, it is a very real one. In the past decade, there has been a nationwide surge in parents choosing to homeschool, unschool, or choose a non-traditional school without a fixed curriculum or grades. But why?
      Self-Directed Education
      Proponents believe that unschooling provides opportunities for children to explore their interests without the limits of a traditional classroom. Unschooling allows children the freedom to direct their own education and learn at their own pace, without fear of disapproval from teachers or bad grades. It helps preserve the natural love of learning that people are born with, and helps children develop skills of creativity, initiative, leadership, independence, collaboration, and self-confidence.
      [Related: How to apply for CPS preschools]
      Some parents, like myself, dip their toe in the water of unschooling by choosing a play-based preschool, where children’s interests drive the classroom experience and there is no preset curriculum. At that age, it is a broadly accepted philosophy that children are born with a natural ability and desire to learn. Many parents continue to follow this philosophy after preschool by homeschooling or unschooling their children.
      Still others are intrigued by the tenets of unschooling or homeschooling but it’s not the right fit for their family financially or logistically. They seek out one of the many non-traditional schools putting down roots across the Chicagoland area. These schools are hybrids of unschooling and traditional school. They follow the philosophy of self-directed education, but add a level of structure to the student experience and a general expectation of student attendance during school hours.
      My Story
      I had two bright and happy children who were doing fine in our excellent local public school. However, as they approached upper elementary grades, their zest for learning was starting to wane. As standardized testing pressures ramped up and homework loads increased, school started to become more of a battle and less of a joy. I did some research into alternative options and, as an educator myself, was intrigued by homeschooling. I longed for the ability to personalize the learning experience for my children’s abilities and interests. Unfortunately, despite my promise of a long recess, my kids did NOT share my interest in homeschooling.
      [Related: Getting into Harvard doesn't need to start in preschool]
      Luckily, we were able to find a non-traditional school that met most of my homeschooling objectives but gave my children the separation from me that they craved. While the fear of taking the path less traveled was pretty intense for all of my family members, we took the leap into self-directed education and haven’t looked back. My kids are ahead of a traditional school curriculum in some subjects, and behind in others, but spend every day learning about something that interests them, so we are all content. Best of all, they now wake up every morning excited about going to school.
      Options
      For every story like mine, there is one with a different ending. Every family has a unique set of needs. The great news is that there are so many education options in Chicago and support networks for those trying them out. Take the time to explore and see if self-directed education might be best for your family. Learn more about homeschooling through local networks like the Chicago Homeschool Network and Northside Unschoolers Group. Find schools with a self-directed education mindset on the NPN website or by talking to schools at the NPN School Fair (it’s where I found my children’s first school!).
      Read more...
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