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    • Great activity ideas for special-needs kids, or any kind of kind, this summer in Chicago.
      I have an 8 ½-year-old little girl, Lia (pictured, above), who has been diagnosed with severe intellectual disabilities, sensory processing disorder, autism and hypotonia, and is non-verbal. I do not, nor will I ever, claim to be the resident expert in any given field except when it comes to knowing my own kiddo. With that said, I know how frustrated and bored my little darling is going to be this first week of summer vacation. My husband and I had to figure out how to keep her busy, entertained and regulated for 76 days! Yikes!
      Lia attends a Chicago Public School. Unfortunately, she, along with many other children with developmental differences, does not qualify for ESY (Extended School Year, a.k.a. summer school). To add insult to injury, we were too late to get her signed up for any affordable summer camps. We promised ourselves we will be more on our game next year! 
      Our first thought was OMG we are NEVER, EVER going to survive this summer. She is already showing signs of dysregulation and frustration. Because we are not direct descendants of the Rockefellers, we had to begin researching and planning. Alas, there is some hope, not for all 76 days but we may just survive this summer yet!
      My husband and I have decided to sign her up for as many activities as possible that are not only affordable but that would be accepting of kiddos like Lia. We started building a list of feasible activities. We concentrated on free activities because let’s face it, why pay a lot of money for something if there is a possibility your child will have a difficult time and not stay for the activity? We also included anything we would need to pay for but felt was well worth the money. Here's our list. What's on yours?
      Free summer activities:
      The beach - We’ve been going to Foster Beach for years but recently started exploring others like Loyola Park and 31st Street Beach. Chicago Park District pools - We visit many free pools and sprinkler parks in the area. We especially like River Park pool because when the staff is on a safety check break, we play in the attached sprinkler pad while waiting for the pool to re-open. This is key! We also like Chase Park, Hamlin Park and Gompers Park. Chicago parks - Maggie Daley is our favorite! There are also a number of accessible parks for kiddos with physical challenges. Kids Bowl Free - Register on this site and your kids can bowl two free games every day throughout the summer at Waveland Bowl or Lawn Lanes. Great for those not-so-great weather days! Kohl Children's Museum (Everyone at Play) - On select Sundays, the museum is open early (and is free!) for families with children with special needs. Free museum days – Most Chicago museums offer free days, even in the summer. Lia loves the Museum of Science and Industry the most! KEEN - Kids Enjoy Excercise Now - This non-profit provides free sports and recreation programs for young people with disabilities. In July, all KEEN families are invited to Wisconsin for a free, fun-filled day of water-skiing, swimming and more! Worthwhile memberships and programs:
      The Morton Arboretum - The garden has a great kids' area with some membership-included fun events throughout the year. The membership is reciprocal and offers admission into other garden venues around Chicagoland. Whealan Pool – This Forest Preserve pool only costs $7 for adults and $5 for kids (3 and under are free). A membership includes three different Forest Preserve pools. Brookfield Zoo – The special exhibit "Dinos and Dragons" features animatronic dinosaurs and live reptiles—even a komodo dragon. You can also see the new wolf pups. So darn cute! M*NSAR (Maine-Niles Association of Special Recreation) – M*NSAR has many wonderful programs for our kids. We are taking swimming once a week throughout the summer. AMC theaters – This movie theater chain offers sensory-friendly films (lights are up, sound is down, kids can run around and play in the aisles) on the second and fourth Saturdays of the month. Finally, we will fill in the gap with extra therapies, potty training class, playgroups, special needs carnivals, festivals, holidays and birthdays. Our calendar is filling up quickly but we are still not there. That’s ok—we are allowed some down time. I hope this helps you fill in some free time this summer. Now go enjoy your wonderfully special kids!
       
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    • Books First! aims to eliminate "library deserts" one book at a time.
      Imagine growing up with little to no access to books—no library nearby, no books at home, not even a library at school. For many Chicago kids living in poverty, this is the norm. Bernadette Dorman and her organization Books First! aims to eradicate "book deserts" by receiving book donations from Chicago families and donating them to Chicago Public Schools that lack libraries.    So far, Books First! has received 22,000 books and delivered them to 10 schools. Every single one of those books makes a difference in the lives of children who might never otherwise experience that connection with words and reading.   What's your personal connection to this cause? During the 2012 Chicago teachers’ strike, there were a number of discussions on the NPN discussion forum about the challenges teachers face. I asked what teachers needed and one replied that many of her students had poor reading skills and no way to practice those skills. I did some research and learned that 95% of the kids interfacing with the juvenile justice system were functionally illiterate and that an amazing percentage of low-income kids could not read above a fourth grade level. When I did some further research I learned that over 150 Chicago Public Schools did not have libraries. It struck me that kids were being tested on skills and schools' effectiveness were being rated on student achievements when kids did not have the resources to learn those skills.     On a more personal note, I grew up in a home where English was a second language, where there was no money for books, but my parents insisted I go to the public library on the way home from school every day. I know that the majority of the kids I went to school with did not have books at home. I believe that the trajectory of my life was changed by having access to books.     Finally, I know that many of my mom friends find themselves searching for new homes for their children’s beloved, but no longer read, books. It seemed apparent to me that there was a great need for books and there was a wonderful supply of books in need of new homes. I began discussing this with my husband, and he finally said, "Well, why don’t you stop talking about this and start doing something?" Hence, BooksFirst!   Why is this charity so important to Chicago kids? At a party, I was seated next to some teachers who told me about kids who came to school and when handed a book opened it from the back because they had never held a book before school. They told me about not having enough books in their schools for kids to do the requisite 20 minutes of reading each night. About kids who didn’t have permanent homes, who were shunted from home to home with their belongings in a trash bag and who couldn’t get library cards because they didn’t have a permanent address. About bright kids whose world view was limited to grim neighborhoods. I feel that the books that are donated give these kids an opportunity to fall in love with words, to build literacy skills and to see a world beyond the one in which they live.     We frequently get letters from our recipient schools and one made a very deep impression on me: A boy who lived in a homeless shelter wrote that he loved reading, the library was too far away for him to get to, and now he could read and he could teach his little brother to read. I like to think this boy has a chance to fall into love with books, and by having books to teach his little brother to read, his little brother will come to school with a love of books.    How has being involved in this charity affected you as a parent? I’ve frequently told our son he doesn’t know how lucky he is. When books come to our house, he helps to unload and filter them. He’ll ask me where these books are going and to whom. I think he has an awareness of his privilege that he would not have had otherwise. Now, he allocates part of his allowance to buy books for BooksFirst!. He also tells me that he is thinking about becoming a teacher.     In addition, it has made me feel connected to other parents in a way I never did before. Over 400 parents have donated books—and it isn’t remotely convenient to do so. They have to sort through books, bag them and haul them to one of our three drop-off sites. It never ceases to amaze me that so many moms do this in addition to all the other responsibilities that mothers have. I am amazed by the number of parents I don’t know personally who do book drives, spread the word to their friends, post BooksFirst! promo cards. I think in the city it is sometimes easy to feel that you don’t have a community. I feel that BooksFirst! has given me a community of caring, compassionate parents in a way that no other activity has.     How can people get involved? We recognize how busy people are so we list ways people can be involved in a few minutes to a year or more. Spreading the word is incredibly important. We’ve intentionally chosen not to become a 501(c)3 because we want to focus on delivering donations to schools without diverting our attention to fundraising, dealing with tax receipts and producing an annual report. Consequently, our “advertising budget” is our own money and we appreciate the power of the grapevine.   In addition to individual book donations, book drives at schools have yielded thousands of books. A book drive is a great way to engage kids in giving to other kids, and we’ve found this truly resonate with them. Finally, we currently have three BooksFirst! drop-off homes, and we would love to have more throughout the city. This is a substantial commitment, and it is never convenient or easy, but the more drop-off sites, the more donations we can receive.    For more information about Books First!, check out its website.
       
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    • CPS released a plan of action in response to allegations of mishandling of sexual abuse cases in its schools. What do you think of this plan?
      A week ago, the Chicago Tribune broke a story about the lack of response, action and follow-through regarding sexual abuse at Chicago Public Schools. Since this report broke, CPS has taken steps to address the issue, including sending this plan of action to community-based organizations like NPN. 
      We're sharing this here with you so you can be aware of CPS's plan, and to facilitate a discussion about protecting children from abuse. What do you think about this plan of action? Do you think CPS should be doing more? Doing things differently? Or does this seems like an appropriate plan? NPN members can go to this thread on the main discussion forum to discuss the many facets of this issue. 
       

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    • What's the difference between preschool and pre-k, and how to know which is right for your child's needs.
      As summer nears, families across Chicago inevitably start to ask themselves if their child should go to preschool or pre-kindergarten. If they are currently enrolled in an early childhood program, they start to wonder if they need to find a pre-kindergarten program when their child turns three, leaving their current program even if they are happy there.
      In a city full of early childhood options, it’s no surprise that families find themselves asking this question as they start to think about where they would like to send their 3- or 4-year-olds for early education experiences. The number of options can make the decision an overwhelming task! But it’s important to note that when it comes to preschool and pre-kindergarten in Chicago, the two are used interchangeably for programs that provide care and education prior to the start of kindergarten.
      [Related: Play all day? That's exactly what your preschooler should be doing]
      What’s the difference?
      The biggest difference in these labels is actually a political one. The national conversation around universal pre-k centers around the idea that all 4-year-olds should have an opportunity to participate in early childhood programs. The term pre-k is used to define the year prior to kindergarten, while preschool is the term used to define all early learning programs from birth to age five. In Chicago, the differences between a program that refers to itself as a preschool and a program that refers to itself as a pre-kindergarten are rooted in the program’s individual philosophy, marketing techniques, and the image the program wants to present to families.
      What are parents really asking when they are asking about preschool or pre-k?
      I’ve discovered over the years that when families ask if their child should attend preschool or pre-k, what they are really asking is which program will best prepare their children for kindergarten. That answer isn’t as simple since each family needs to take into account their own ideas about early childhood education, their child’s personality, and what program makes the most sense logistically for their family.
      [Related: Chicago Preschool Primer (members-only video)]
      What questions should families be asking if not “preschool or pre-K”?
      Do we need an early learning program that also provides full daycare?  Do we want our child to attend an independent school that may start admissions at 3 or 4 years instead of kindergarten? Does it make more sense for our family to have our youngest child attend a CPS preschool program in the same school as our older children? What do we want our child’s early learning experience to be? For example, do we want a program that promotes outdoor education, or is rooted in the arts or the sciences, or is centered on community and learning to be a good citizen? If there isn’t a difference between preschool and pre-k, what should families look for in an early learning setting?
      Is the program clearly able to articulate their philosophy, curriculum, and child development? Do the teachers and administrators have training in early childhood education and child development? Do the classrooms focus on the development of the child’s social, emotional, physical, and cognitive growth?
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    • Five ways to teach your child manners, from expressing gratitude to performing acts of kindness.
      With my British upbringing, I was surrounded by traditional etiquette. My sister and I were taught to listen without interrupting, learned how to eat with a cake fork, and always wrote formal thank-you notes.
      In today’s busy, digital work it’s easy to forgo the handwritten approach and even to forget to show appreciation altogether. Now a mother myself, I want to be sure to teach my daughters, aged 2½ and 1 year, the value of being thankful. Like many parents, we’re anxious that abundance doesn’t manifest itself into entitlement, but are instead hoping to foster feelings of gratitude.
      Writing thank-you notes. We planted the seeds of gratitude early on, writing thank you notes on our first baby’s behalf. Once she began to hold a crayon by herself I seized upon the opportunity to get her “signature” on my handwritten notes. Now that she’s a fully fledged toddler she’s taken ownership of these little cards. She will spend a long time focusing on “writing” her name and drawing the latest favored doodle. I still add the language, but I also talk to her about the fact that we’re saying thank you for something.
      Saying thank you. Of course creating a culture of thanks does not only mean writing note cards. Saying the words is also incredibly important. “Tank-coo” became a well-used phrase early on in our eldest daughter’s world as we offered her many opportunities to “use her nice manners” — to babysitters for fun activities and play, to grocery store staff for packing our bags, and to waiters for bringing us food. 
      Performing acts of kindness can also contribute towards creating a culture of thanks. It’s easy to purchase a gift and just hand it over, but we like to include our girls in this whole process. Our oldest has helped to make shortbread for her teachers at Valentine’s Day, chosen donuts to take on play dates, selected flowers for family friends, and toted gift bags around the holidays.
      Making donations. Above all, creating a culture of thanks means learning to be thankful for what you have and remembering those that are less fortunate. Although this concept is an alien one at the moment, I do believe that now is the time to start instilling a thankful way of life. When school asks for donations to their book drive or toys around the holidays, our daughter is used to adding her chosen item to the pile with no protest.
      Being thankful for each day. As a working mom with two little ones, it’s easy to subscribe to the belief that there just isn’t enough time — there isn’t. However, I truly believe that there’s always time to say thank you; you just need to pause and reflect. Bedtime is a good time to recap the day with your family, to remind yourself — and teach your children — just how lucky you all are.
      Related posts:
      Want a kinder, calmer kid? Try mindfulness.
      How I got my toddler to eat like a normal human
      How to mediate playspace tiffs
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    • The top free or low-cost ideas to entertain your kids this winter in Chicago. Winter activities for toddlers and elementary-age kids.
      The holidays are behind us and the long Chicago winter stretches out ahead. This leaves all parents and caregivers with the same question: How the heck are we going to entertain our kids for the next three months?
      [Related: Make winter in Chicago your favorite season with these fun outdoor activities]
      Having lived through eight Chicago winters with at least one child, I give you my top activities and favorite things to do to kill time—I mean, educate and stimulate—your little ones. The best thing about most of these tips is they work for both the infant/toddler set and elementary-age kids. Get out and have some fun this winter!
      My favorite free activities that work for the whole family:
      The library. I love libraries, all libraries. My local branch has a fantastic section for both elementary-age readers as well as young toddlers. It also offers games, puzzles, computer time, homework help, and movies to keep kids of all ages entertained for a solid stretch of time in the morning or afternoon, and most have Saturday hours! Free days at any of the museums (but go early). I sometimes avoid these days because the museums (understandably) can become so crowded, however I’ve learned a few tricks over the years. The benefits of getting there right when the museum opens: On both the Museum Campus and near the Peggy Notebaert Museum, there is cheap to free street parking that is not yet occupied; and the museums usually doesn’t get insanely crowded until later morning when you will be on your way out. The Lincoln Park Zoo. It might sound insane to go to the zoo when it’s freezing out but here’s why it works: It’s almost always empty when it’s cold out so you have the zoo to yourself if you motivate. There are so many exhibits that are warm and indoors – if you building hop you can spend at least an hour or two there in general quiet and warmth. There is more likely to be free street parking or metered parking around the zoo if you’re not a member and you don’t want to spring for the zoo lot. [Related: Does your child have SAD, or is it just the winter blues?]
      Great activities for the entire family for a fee:
      The movies. My 2 year old will sit through pretty much anything if I give her popcorn, but I understand some 2 year olds might not sit through an entire movie. But if you have a movie-going family this is a fantastic way to spend an afternoon. The Davis Theater in Lincoln Square was recently renovated and is $9 for kids. Little Beans/Big Beans in Evanston. Definitely not inexpensive but Mondays are $6, and if you get there early, you can relax in the toddler room while your older kids play on the basketball court or on the obstacle course. The Morton Arboretum in Lisle. This is a hike from the city and it’s all outside, but to me it is well worth it. If you bundle up and can hit the highway after rush hour this is just an amazing way to spend the day. There is a children’s area that has both a maze garden and a fantastic larger space to explore. There is usually a small craft set out, gnomes to hunt for, rope climbing to tackle, and of course hot cocoa in the cafeteria at the end. If you have just older ones with you there is also the ability to rent snow shoes, which we are hoping to do this winter. I’ve found the biggest challenge to getting out of the house throughout the winter in Chicago is mostly my own attitude. There are some hidden gems in this city in the winter, and if I can just motivate to get out to see them it’s always worth it. 
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    • Here's how to keep an eye on your phone while interacting with your kids.
      My wife and I have been taking our 8-month-old son to swimming class for the past couple months, and each time we’ve gone, I’ve noticed something about the parents lounging in the deck chairs near the floor-to-roof glass wall that separates them from the pool. Most of them have their eyes locked on their phones instead of watching their kids in the water. It’s crossword puzzles, Gmail, CNN.com, games—you name it. I see it when we’re waiting to enter the pool deck and when I’m in the swimming lane with my son.
      I get it. Kids’ practices and activities can be a much-needed respite for sleep-deprived parents who just need to veg out for 30 minutes or an hour and mindlessly surf the internet, send an email or play a game (my alarm goes off at 4am every Monday through Friday, so I feel your pain).
      But, can we be honest? The smartphone has also taken some, sometimes much, of our attention away from our children when they’re sitting right in front of us. I never thought I would become one of “those parents,” but I’ll be the first to admit I’m guilty at times. Sometimes I jump at my phone with each notification, refresh ESPN.com every couple minutes to see if the football score has changed, or habitually check my email instead of keeping my full attention on my son. There are only so many wooden block towers I can construct and nursery rhymes I can repeat before I need to turn my attention elsewhere, even if it’s just for a few seconds.
      So for me, and any other parent who sometimes can’t resist the urge to have our phones in our hands or near us when we’re playing with our kids or when they’re participating in an activity, I thought I’d do us all a public service by listing a few ways to use the basic functionality on our phones (I’m not a big app guy, so feel free to stop reading if you were expecting one of those top parenting app blogs) that could put the attention back on our kids and away from the work email that can wait until Monday and the crossword puzzle or game that will still be there when the kids go to sleep: 
      Take photos/video of your child. They’ll never be in this moment again, so why not snap a few shots and create an online album or email the photos/videos to loved ones? It’s incredible how fast kids grow—savor and save this moment.
      Write a quick note to your child. I’m so glad that before my son was born that I wrote him a letter every few days throughout the length of the pregnancy. Sometimes it was just a quick note to let him know I was thinking about him. Other times it was several paragraphs about how I felt about an upcoming doctor’s visit or the fears I had about how life would change when he finally came home from the hospital. Soon after he was born I compiled these notes in a self-published book and presented it to my wife.
      Have your child “call” a relative. Even if your child is just babbling and cooing and can’t yet form full words, I’m sure there are plenty of relatives, especially the out-of-towners, who would love to hear a few sounds from your little one.
      Throw a ringtone rave. Kids love to move and dance, so why not get some good use out of all those ringtones you’ll probably never use?
      Teach how to count. Practice counting 10, 9, 8, … with the hourglass feature. Use your phone’s stopwatch to practice the other way … 1, 2, 3 … .
      What might be the best tip of all (although I know it’s infeasible for some of us) is to keep the phone out of reach, or just turn it off, when your children are around. I know I don’t have memories of my parents playing on their phones or some other piece of technology and not giving me their full attention, so I don’t want my son to have those, either.
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    • How to know what's normal in your young child's development and when to seek help.
      For a parent, teacher or caregiver, knowing when to seek help for a child can be challenging and a bit overwhelming. We understand these challenges, as all children develop differently, and the information available online, in the media, from friends, etc. can be inconsistent and confusing to understand.
      As members of the American Speech and Hearing Association (ASHA), we would like to help you better understand what to look for as your children develop and know when to ask for help. ASHA states, “Speech, language, and hearing disorders are treatable, and early detection is a major contributor to speedier recoveries, shortened treatment periods and reduced costs for individuals and society alike.” As a result, a helpful way for us to ensure early detection is through educating those within our community. While the following list is not all encompassing, these red flags are important to look for when it comes to identifying communication disorders. 
      1.  Difficulty following verbal directions: Depending on your child’s age, there are certain expectations when it comes to being able to follow directions. As early as 12 months, infants begin to respond to simple directions such as, “Sit down.” Between 2 and 3 years, children are able to follow 2-step directions, and between 5 and 6 years they can follow 3-step directions.
      2.  Difficulty formulating sentences: When children are 2 years of age, they are expected to produce two word combinations to communicate their wants and needs. At 3 years, they are expected to combine at least 3 words. At 4 years, children sound even more adult-like because they are formulating longer sentences (4 or more words). Many children struggle to convey their thoughts and ideas into sentences that make sense. This may be due to weaknesses in grammar/syntax, vocabulary/semantics or organization.
      3.  Weak vocabulary skills: As a general rule of thumb, children will likely understand more than they are able to say. For example, at 2 years old, children should have approximately 200 words in their expressive vocabulary, but may have between 500-900 words in their receptive vocabulary. As children get older, these numbers continue to grow. By 3 years old, children average about 1,000 words in their expressive vocabulary.
      4.  Difficulty understanding the child’s speech/Easily frustrated when communication breakdowns occur: Speech therapists often refer to intelligibility when it comes to speech production skills. Intelligibility is how well someone understands what you (or a child) are saying. Intelligibility expectations are as follows:
      2 year olds: 50% intelligible (i.e. You can understand about half of what he/she says) 3 year olds: 75% intelligible 4-5 year olds: 75-90% intelligible 5.  Limited or poor eye contact and/or decreased interest in social interactions or showing little interest in communicating: Eye contact is important in terms of communication and socialization, and social language skills are necessary in forming meaningful relationships with others. For some children, making friends comes naturally, while for others, it may be more of a struggle. Some children do not know how to interact with their peers. There are also some children who would prefer to play alone and show no desire in interacting with those around them.
      If you have any questions or concerns with regards to your child’s speech and language development, it’s important to consult with a certified speech-language pathologist. As mentioned before, early detection is critical when it comes to academic success, faster recovery, less time in therapy and lower costs. 
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    • Proactive planning and expectation management can make a world of difference when siblings are fighting.
      All of us who live in Chicago pride ourselves on our ability to “hunker down” when it becomes unbearably cold out. What better way to deal with the Chicago Arctic than to sit around in PJs, drinking hot coffee and curled up with a good book, letting errands wait and leaving icy roads for someone else?
      Then come kids and their exasperation with being stuck inside when the threat of hypothermia is all too real. Telling my 6-year-old to read a book and enjoy some downtime while the outside freezes over would garner a similar reaction to my suggesting that Pokemon is passe: utter ridiculousness. Throw his 4-year-old sister into the mix, and I’ve gone from wearing a referee cap to donning full body armor. The fighting when there’s no place to go gets fierce.
      While parenting is challenging, it’s all the more real when weather conditions compromise our kids’ ability to get space from one another. While I am no means an overly creative parent, I have found that some proactive planning and expectation management can make a world of difference when the weather doesn’t quite allow for the breathing room our sunnier days permit.
      Make winter resolutions
      Why focus on a single day for your kids to set goals? When the winter is at its worst, I have challenged my children to come up with a few things they want to do prior to the return of spring. The goals don’t have to be significant—maybe read a few more books each week, finish a puzzle, learn the words to their favorite song—just enough to keep the focus on themselves and not competing with their sibling.
      Plan “You and Me” days
      Although an elementary concept, I try to plan one day a month for myself and my husband to spend a few hours one-on-one with each of our children, without their sibling. A movie, an art class, bowling—it’s usually something outside the home so that the attention is on one another, rather than someone competing for my attention. Not only is it good for my son or daughter to be alone from their sometimes nemesis, it refocuses me and makes me realize how I love those darn-adorable, quirky kids.
      Let ’em be
      Rather than try to intercept, one of the most valuable things I have learned is that they can generally work out their differences. While “figure it out” can lead to catastrophe, I’m often amazed to have sent my two bickering kids down to the basement, only to hear giggles and shrieks of laughter erupt as they have moved past their differences and on to trying to make each other crack up. While I am never sure how long the serenity will last, I will lap up those brief moments of affection like that hot cup of coffee I’m missing on the couch.
      Because we all deserve a little serenity now and then, don’t we?
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    • A clinical psychologist shares the most effective ways for parents to assist their child in developing healthy coping.
      Parenting an anxious child comes with the constant question: “How do I push my child and be comforting and supportive?” Unfortunately, there is not yet a perfect science to parenting or treating anxiety. But helping your child face the world with bravery over succumbing to the worry monster can be achieved with consistent and compassionate coaching. 
      As a clinical psychologist, I am always looking for the best and most effective ways for parents to assist their child in developing healthy coping, and not encouraging anxious and avoidant behaviors. These 10 simple tips will help you and your child get through to the light at the end of the tunnel, a life where worry doesn’t win.
      1. Validate your child’s emotional pain and discomfort. It may seem like your child is freaking out about "nothing" when, for example, she enters full tantrum mode to avoid being dropped off at a birthday party. But to your child, this is a tremendous deal. Think how bad it has felt in your own life when you were upset about something and someone responded to you and your pain with a sentiment such as “it is not such a big deal…you are fine.” How did you feel in that moment? We have all experienced the one-two punch of experiencing emotional pain and then beating ourselves up for having that pain. Give your child the gift of learning to recognize and acknowledge when she is experiencing emotional distress. Explaining an occurrence is not the same thing as “making an excuse.” Nonjudgmentally acknowledging when we are experiencing emotional distress is the first step in learning how to move through the unavoidable moments of suffering that are built into the human experience.
      2. Educate yourself about "the body on anxiety." The discomfort children experience when they are in “anxiety mode” is real. Their brain’s fear response system (otherwise known as fight, flight, freeze) has been triggered and are now experiencing all of the physiological changes to their body that would occur in a true emergency. Their heart rate and breathing are increasing; blood flow is moving from their small muscles to their big muscles that are associated with fleeing, such as their arms and legs; and their pupils are dilating to allow them to see all potential dangers more clearly. All of these physiological changes would be quite helpful if they were in a real emergency. Thankfully, they are not in a true emergency when experiencing the false alarm of anxiety, but it feels to them like they are.
      3. You can validate your child’s discomfort without buying into the “doom and gloom” predictions made by their anxious brain. Along with the physiological changes that occur when the “anxiety switch” has been flipped comes a change in thinking patterns. The world shifts from seeming predictable and safe to unpredictable and dangerous. Opportunities for failure, death and other unfortunate outcomes seem ever-present. Just because your child believes that terrible things are likely to occur does not make it true. Access your “wise mind” when your child is unable to access his.  
      4. Believe in the strength of your child. She cannot break. Anxiety is not dangerous and cannot hurt her, but avoiding life and age-appropriate experiences can.You don't need to shield her from life's challenges.
      5. Model vulnerability. It is not only okay but powerfully healing to share with your child when you are struggling and scared. Struggling and fear are part of the human experience and she will learn it is all okay. 
      6. Create a family culture that nurtures taking chances and learning from mistakes over perfectionism. As an exercise, you can go around the dinner table and each take turns sharing one way you took a chance today.  By highlighting meeting challenges head on you are reinforcing bravery over avoidance behaviors. This family exercise emphasizes how it is the journey of learning and experiencing life that truly matters, not the outcome of achieving or winning. 
      7. Teach your child how to identify when the "worry monster" has surfaced and is attempting to call the shots. It is incredibly helpful to come up with kid-friendly language to help your child make sense of his anxiety.  In our first few sessions with children struggling with anxiety, we name and draw a picture of their “worry monster.” Some names my wonderful, brave little clients have come up with are: worry bully, “It,” Bob," and "Mr. Annoying," to name just a few. The function of this exercise is to assist your child in more objectively viewing her worries and fears vs. seeing the world through anxieties and fears. Once we learn how to identify when the “worry monster” has surfaced, we can next learn how to talk back and disengage from its taunts and negative predictions. 
      8. Pick your battles. You can't work on everything at one time. Determine the fear-based behaviors that are most negatively impacting your child and your family and create specific plans on how to address these behaviors. By trying to address everything, you will end up addressing nothing.
      9. Learn to identify when your own “worry monster” has surfaced. Don't believe your own fears and worries that try to predict how much suffering your child will go through when they experience moments of anxiety. Although you may have experienced anxiety in your own life, it is no real indication of how it will go for your child. Kids are incredibly adaptable; they learn quickly that the best way past anxiety is through it. By facing one fear at a time, your child will quickly learn how brave, strong, and confident he truly is.  
      10. It is okay to get anxiety coaching from the sidelines. Therapy does not have to be a long-term, complicated endeavor. There is effective, empirically supported, short-term therapy available to assist your child and family when stuck and overwhelmed.  
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    • Explore the South Side Chicago neighborhood Bronzeville with your kids using this family-friendly guide.
      Photo: Enjoying the food at Pearl's Place in Bronzeville

      Hello, neighborhood explorers! Last time, I left you with a template to use each time you go visit a new neighborhood: Try to plan three things: one inside, one outside and one that involves food.
      Today, I’m excited to tell you about a neighborhood I love to visit: Bronzeville!
      Located along the lake just south of the Loop, Bronzeville is a cultural mega-center for art, music, architecture, and a vivid celebration of the significant contributions of African Americans to Chicago’s history and present. So many legends have walked along Dr. Martin Luther King Drive, from Ida B. Wells-Barnett to Louis Armstrong, to the man himself for whom the street was named. Check out the cast bronze memorials set in the sidewalk showcasing more than 90 heroes along the “Walk of Fame.” Your kids will love hunting for the next one and reading the names engraved there!
      Inside
      Recently I (literally) stumbled upon a true gem in Bronzeville: The South Side Community Art Center. Begun as a gallery to house the work of African American artists, the center is housed in an historic greystone at 3831 S Michigan that was dedicated by First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt in 1941. If the pristinely maintained walls inside could talk, they would whisper of piano concerts by Gwendolyn Brooks, writing groups led by Langston Hughes, and of the vision of the center’s founder, Dr. Margaret Burroughs, who also founded the DuSable Museum of African American History in Hyde Park.
      The space and the work it contains are unique and inspiring. During our visit, the many portraits of President Obama in the first floor’s rotating exhibit fascinated my children.
      You can visit the gallery during its open hours for a suggested donation or check out Bronzeville this summer on one of the Summer Nights trolley tours! The next one is right around the corner on July 21.
      Outside
      Ask anyone who has lived in Bronzeville over the last 88 years what they do on the second Saturday in August and they will tell you one thing: the Bud Billiken Parade! It’s the second-largest parade in the whole country and it kicks off the back-to-school season in style.
      This year’s celebration won’t disappoint: Chance the Rapper will be the grand marshal! Check it out on Aug. 12.
      Food
      There are plenty of fantastic restaurants and bakeries in Bronzeville, many of them long-time staples of the neighborhood. A personal favorite is Pearl’s Place, located at 3901 S. Michigan. Since it’s just down the block from the South Side Community Art Center, this is an easy itinerary maker, especially since both are also close to the Indiana Green Line el stop.
      Pearl’s Place bills itself as a “white-tablecloth restaurant serving Southern/soul food classics such as fried chicken & catfish.” I lived in the South for 27 years, and this place does not disappoint! My kids love the corn bread that comes out hot before your meal, and I love the atmosphere and the prices.
      Keep exploring Chicago neighborhoods this summer—you’ll never run out of fun things to do!
      Kathleen Dragan is a South Looper and a mom of two Chicagoans. You can read more about Bronzeville and many other neighborhoods in Kathleen's children's book Rickshaw Reggie, available now!   
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    • After living on the north side and south sides of Chicago, this mom of two has finally found her home.
      As a parent and a long-time resident of Chicago, I often feel a great deal of conflict toward my changing city. Its natural and man-made beauty, as well as its diversity, are what makes many locals feel so proud to live here. Yet and still, there are things that cause feelings of shame and anguish to surface in many residents, myself included.
      I like how Chicago blends modernization and world-class charm with our simple family values. It’s why so many transplants come here. In one part of town, we have our chill, lakefront vibe and a surplus of fun to be had, while other parts are riddled with dilapidated buildings, underfunded public centers and schools, and conflict stemming from unresolved and ongoing trauma. It leaves many residents of this city feeling mixed emotions. When I think about these things, I feel a range of emotions in the same way Chicagoans feel a range of weather on any given day. 
      [Related: 3 reasons I'm glad my kids aren't growing up in the suburbs like I did]
      I was born and raised mostly in Chicago. If it weren’t for my shy, but adventurous mother and her nomadic lifestyle, I would not have had the privilege of growing up around so many vastly different people. My beginning years were spent in Englewood. Despite what many outsiders may assume about Englewood, it provided so many wonderful childhood memories. My sense of self was influenced by the strength of community I was surrounded by in Englewood. Unfortunately, everything changed with the infiltration of narcotics. I, like so many other residents, witnessed the decline of a community that no longer looked, sounded, or felt like home. Fortunately, my mother had the means to leave an undesirable living situation, which changed my world as a child. 
      Rogers Park and Uptown were our next places of residence. The level of diversity on the North Side was like tasting a new flavor that made me wonder why it took so long to experience such euphoria. The children in the neighborhoods where I lived were the most open-minded and kind-hearted humans I had ever met. As a result, my transition to the North Side was smooth despite the differences. I grew up learning about so many different customs, foods and religions through my friendship with classmates and neighbors. Through our relationships, my new friends and I expanded our parents’ worldview and made them realize that there were very few differences between us. We were members of the human community.
      It wasn’t until I moved into my first apartment in South Shore that I stopped calling the North Side “my side.” After living on the South Side for many years, I repeated history. In 2016, my partner and I took a leap of faith and relocated to the “North Pole” (my side). This time it wasn’t out of fear for our safety, but because of the difficulty in finding a reasonably priced home close to a diverse, level 1+ neighborhood school. Unfortunately (and fortunately), parts of the North Side were still incredibly diverse and economically stable compared to the “prestigious college neighborhood” on the South Side where we lived. I wanted our children to experience the ”world-class diversity” we Chicagoans pride ourselves for having. 
      [Related: Why I didn't move after a nearby shooting]
      Fast forward to now: My daughter has so many friends from different countries, all of which she can identify on our world map. She pronounces their names and countries with ease. As we walk around our neighborhood, seeing a hijab, braids, a spodik, saris, locs, or a burqa is normal to her and a comfort to me. I wish all Chicagoans could experience this harmonious diversity.  It might encourage us to easily identify as citizens of the world.
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    • How parents can respond to kids' difficult behaviors, such as fighting with siblings, shouting and disinterest in good-behavior rewards.
      The interest in the "Managing Challenging Behaviors" workshop at last year's Developmental Differences Resource Fair was so great that we didn’t have time to answer everyone’s questions. Here are some of the questions attendees had, along with some suggestions from the experts at Tuesday’s Child, a behavior-focused program in North Center. Note that this advice applies to kids with and without developmental differences!
      Q: How do I deal with my child's Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde behaviors?
      A: Consistency is key—when the behavior changes, the parent must always behave in the same way. If the child is upset and unable to control their anger (frustration or disappointment), the parent should use the script she/he developed to help the child identify the feeling and gives the child a developmentally appropriate way to express that feeling. Praise when the child uses an appropriate way to express the feeling.  
      If the child continues to throw the toy (I give two more tries), then I say, "Looks like you can't play nicely with this toy, let's take a break and try again after snack time."
      In the times when the child is playing nicely and behaving appropriately, praise. Shoot for a very high level of praise, 10 praises in an hour that tell the child very specifically what they are doing correctly.
      Q: What should I do with screaming behavior in a child with autism?
      A: When my son with autism screams and runs away, I always go after him, go down on his level. I use a very calm tone and tell him: "It's dinner time. We eat our meals at the table." I bring him back and try to have him eat. I don't force him to eat. I try to be consistent and use a calm tone, keep my words simple and the same.
      In general, I know my son screams when he's excited or angry but can't communicate. I try to be a good observer to try to figure out what the cause is, what happened before. Then I can facilitate him getting his needs met.  If I can’t identify what he needs/wants -- sometimes, a snack is enough to soothe him. Or, I'll try to redirect him to an activity he likes to do such as jumping on his trampoline or  a direct pressure sensory activity to regulate him.. I also try to give him choices as to what he wants to do so he feels more in control.
      Q: How can I stop twin boys who fight all day long?
      A: The parents may want to clearly specify what the limits or "rules" are for their family. A visible chart could be made listing the rules  (We use our words, We cooperate, We ask for help when we need it).
      Teach the boys to use their words and be firm if they don't like what the other brother does. "Stop hitting! I don't like it. That hurts!" coupled with "I want a turn to play with the toy," or "When will it be my turn?". This will allow for the boys to try to resolve issues for themselves. Catch verbal arguments and praise (e.g., “Good using your words – do you need my help?”).
      If the boys tend to fight over the same activity/things, try designating specific times for each child to perform certain activities. For example, on odd dates, one brother gets to pick the TV shows to watch for the day, sit in a special spot at the table/in the car, take a bath first, etc. Then on the even days, the other brother gets to have these privileges. In this way, the parents aren't making the decisions about who goes first or gets to do which activity.
      Q: What happens when stickers don’t work, aren’t appealing, are unreasonable or not possible?
      A: At Tuesday’s Child, we would look at this question as “How to Use Reinforcers Effectively.” First, is the behavioral goal attainable?  Do reinforcers need to be dispensed more frequently? And, is the reinforce something the child really wants, not just something parents will tolerate.  Using positive reinforcers like tokens, or chaining a more preferred activity after a less preferred activity facilitate teaching a child good habits like cooperating with simple routines like dressing, or getting homework done.
      Learn more about our annual Developmental Differences Resource Fair and sign up to attend.
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    • Teach even the youngest child the joy of expressing yourself using the written word with these tips.
      In a world dominated by likes and emojis, how do you encourage a love of writing in your kids? My traditional, British self has been pondering just this question.
      Writing provides the means for children to communicate and to express themselves. There are many ways to help your child feel not only the empowerment that comes from writing but the fun that can come with it, too—at any age.
      [Related: Enlist the kids in sorting and donating unwanted stuff]
      The very young
      A child is never too young to embark upon their writing journey. To set the foundation, develop a culture that embraces stories and words.
      We’ve all heard the directives that we should read with our kids daily. That’s because it’s effective in allowing them to develop in all sorts of ways, including seeing the power of words. There are many free book readings at local libraries and bookstores to take advantage of. Playing "spot the letter" games can occur just about anywhere: at the store, on a road trip, or in a restaurant. It’s amazing how quickly a toddler catches on. Making an activity of "writing" letters allows little ones to scribble "words" on notes to family. Allowing them to help purchase stamps for their own mailings makes this a multi-faceted activity. Emerging writers
      To engage your emerging writer’s interest, make writing a fun, creative project.
      Starting with a simple ‘thank you” and signature on a card, then adding the recipient’s name, and building up to more complex notes of gratitude, is a satisfying transition. Lists of all kinds can boost your youngster’s confidence as they quickly fill a page with words: shopping list, menu, or what to take on a trip to the moon. Keep cheap notepads handy for when the inclination arises. Allow your budding writer to choose some special writing tools. Luminous gel pens and sparkly stickers make projects especially appealing.  Start to introduce youngsters to the players in the book world. The annual Printers Row Lit Fest has many child-friendly activities. Don’t underestimate the power of meeting a real, live author. [Related: A British expat mom on teaching kids manners]
      Budding authors
      Writing poetry is a way to allow youngsters to express themselves without the restrictions of conventional prose. Chicago has a wonderful resource in the Poetry Foundation, with a children’s library to encourage all manner of verse.  Creating comics is a less intimidating way of developing writing skills. Even those who do not identify themselves as writers can be swept up in this storytelling medium, and before long, they’ve assigned a substantial amount of words to a character and fleshed out a plot. Task your child with filing a news report. It could focus on a school event or a call to save the planet—whatever they feel passionate about and want to share. Finding an outlet for their piece can bring their story to life: send it to grandparents or submit it to a school magazine. Encourage fictional stories as a way not just to build formal writing skills, but to develop imaginations and explore ideas. Use story prompts (objects found around the house or pictures from magazines) to kick-start the process. Story maps can be a good first step to determining what they want to say, and eliminates the overwhelming presence of a blank page. However you choose to develop your child’s writing skills, the important thing is to create excitement around words. To begin with, accuracy is not the primary goal, but instead, simply encourage your pupil just to put pen to paper. Seeing the results of their work will build confidence and encourage more practice, which in turn will allow youngsters to hone their skills. Above all, share a love of words and the writing will come.
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    • Get your kids interested in cooking and healthy eating by letting them help in the kitchen.
      We all know that cooking with kids is recommended. Research shows that it encourages kids to have a more adventurous palate and promotes family bonding, among a host of other benefits.
      But the truth is, cooking with LITTLE kids can be a real circus act. 
      Take, for example, the time when my mini sous chef decided to use the kitchen faucet as a fire hose. Or when and my little pastry queen turned our kitchen floor into a sugary beach. Of course, these things always seem to happen while something is burning on the stove and someone needs a massive diaper change. UGH. So much for family bonding, right?
      The reality is, on most nights, it's hard enough to get a meal on the table without our kids' "help." So how can we reap the benefits of cooking with kids without the headache?
      As someone who's made a lot of rookie mistakes, but stubbornly keeps trying, here are five things I've learned.
      1. Don't attempt to cook with your kids right before dinner. If you actually need to get a real meal on the table in 30 minutes or less, don't even attempt to involve your kids. It will be a disaster. Instead, give your kids a snack sampler and find a time to involve them when the clock isn't ticking.
      2. Give kids age-appropriate mini tasks. Cooking should be fun, so it's important to keep your child's fine motor skills and attention span in mind. Beyond measuring, mixing and pouring, a few good tasks for preschoolers include shucking corn, pulling the leaves off Brussels sprouts, sorting dried beans and washing lettuce leaves. (Hint: This leafy greens washing machine game gets my kids to eat their greens every time).
      3. Make veggies a priority. Sure, baking is fun and kids can learn a lot from measuring and mixing. But kids usually don't need encouragement to eat sweets. So, as often as I can, I involve my kids in recipes that allow them to get their hands on vegetables, even if it's just serving themselves a deconstructed chopped salad. 
      4. Do food science. Okay, so this isn't exactly cooking, but the idea is the same and can be just as much (if not more) fun. Fruits, vegetables and other ingredients are great tools for science experiments.  
      5. Make it a scheduled activity. When I lack the creativity or energy to come up with a fun cooking activity, I turn to the pros. We LOVE the cooking classes at The Kids Table, where my kids have learned to like (or at least try) everything from lentils to tofu. Next on my list is to try a kid-focused recipe kit from Raddish or Kidstir. These could even make for great holiday presents.
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    • Parenting in Chicago can be a challenge, but it's a worthwhile one.
      Parenting in Chicago is hard. Two recent events reminded me of this.
      The first, running our two daughters out to the car parked in front of our house in what seemed like biblical rains — no attached garage to keep us dry. And the second, wading into the Chicago Public Schools application process. After reading about three different ways to apply to preschool, I realized this was the first step in a nebulous 18-year-plus journey.
      These are surface examples of a subtler thought that has gnawed at me for the last couple of years: This is not how I grew up.
      In many ways, my childhood was idyllic. I grew up in a nice suburb and have fond memories of it. That’s why I always planned to raise my children in one. If the suburbs worked for me, why wouldn’t I raise a family in the same way?
      Marrying a Chicago native changed things. And while we’re committed to living in the city, a review of the news headlines on any given day makes Chicago seem like the least family-friendly place to be.
      I’m slowly, sometimes reluctantly, learning the city is a great place for a family. What I know now is that the childhood my two daughters experience is not going to be the one that I had — and that’s okay. In fact, I’m glad. Here's why:
      Empowerment
      My daughters will not be intimidated by the “big city” things that scared me. They will know how to get from point A to point B and all the way to Z. And they’ll do it by understanding the CTA routes and schedules. This ability will open up the city to them and make so many experiences instantly accessible: visiting other neighborhoods, biking by the lake, enjoying countless festivals and museums, and soaking in the world-class culture Chicago offers.
      Diversity
      The diversity of cultures, learning and day-to-day experiences my children will encounter will provide a perspective — and, I hope, understanding — that’s hard to come by in the suburbs. From trying elotes at the park to neighbors who speak a different language, their close proximity to others different from them raises an opportunity to know people and their cultures better.
      Social justice
      My girls will have a chance to see and respond to the challenges of the city. They can be part of making Chicago not just the place where they live, but the community where they thrive. For us right now it looks messy. We cart our girls to homeless shelters and imperfectly prepare meals for guests once or twice a month. But our hope is that one day they’ll lead us to the problems they seek to fix in our city and commit to serving our community.
      Chicago reminds me on an almost-daily basis that the things that are worthwhile are often challenging. Raising a family in Chicago is a worthwhile challenge, and one that will leave me thankful that my daughters experience a different childhood than my own.
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    • Chicago's Black History is important for parents to teach their children.
      “Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is getting recognized more and more, I notice.”
      Does that quote sound familiar to you? If you don’t remember those words, they were spoken by our current president two years ago during Black History Month. The clip went viral because Trump used present tense to compliment the famous abolitionist, which suggested that he thought Frederick Douglass was still alive. Unfortunately, for the president, Douglass has been dead for over a century!
      While this mistake was both laughable and depressing, we as a nation do not always know that essential part of U.S. history known as Black History. For too many parents in Chicago, this 28-day celebration of Black contributions to the U.S. is just another month, but with fewer days. Given the profound influence Black people have had on this country, it's quite sad that more of us are not informed about their contributions. More important, “us” includes parents. Our city, Chicago, is filled with Black history, and should be known by every parent that is a proud Chicagoan.
      For example, how many of these Chicago Black History facts did you or your school age child not know?
      • The first non-native permanent settler in Chicago was Jean Baptiste Pointe DuSable, a Haitian man.
      • The DuSable Museum of African American History is the second oldest, independent, nonprofit Black History museum in the country and was co-founded by Dr. Margaret Taylor Burroughs and her husband in 1961.
      • Fifty years ago, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., lived on the West Side during his fair housing fight in North Lawndale.
      • Along with Frederick Douglass, nationally-known activist Ida B. Wells-Barnett (for whom Congress Parkway was recently renamed) organized a boycott against the 1893 World’s Columbian Exposition for its exclusion of Black people.
      • Chicago was one of the main stops for southern blacks during the Great Migration.
      • The name “Bronzeville” was coined around 1930 by a theater editor for the Chicago Bee newspaper, who was inspired by the “bronze” color of African American skin.
      How did you do? How did your child do? Did it spark any curiosity? Good! For families that may not know where to start, check out your local library. Librarians can offer information on African American history events, documentaries and books that fit your child’s level of interest. It’s also an excellent place to explore stories you never knew existed.
      In our current climate of ignorance and hatred, we cannot afford to ignore difference and pretend to be color-blind. Teaching your children about Black history before a misinformed public figure does is important so they learn to value people's differences. We, as parents, have the ultimate influence on how our children view our segregated city, our world, and how they fit into it and relate to other people. Culturally-aware children grow up to be culturally-competent adults who can help bring more equality and justice into the world. Wouldn't it be nice to have more people like that in the future?
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    • Creative solutions for spending time with your kids during the summer between two households, whether as a result of divorce or separation.
      One of the most complicated and nuanced parts of the dissolution of two parents’ relationship, be it through the process of divorce or through a “parentage” action (where parents are not married), is developing a schedule of parenting time where each parent feels like he or she can continue to be a meaningful part of their child’s life notwithstanding the change of circumstances of one household to two.
      Plenty of my clients are dismayed by the thought of not spending their every waking moment with their children (when they are not engaged in school, camp or otherwise social functions or activities) and feel like they are handed a death sentence simply for wanting to alter their relationship with the individual with whom they chose to have children. It is a devastating feeling to know that your child is spending time with the “other parent,” to whom you no longer like, trust or simply feel connected.
      When I am asked to come up with creative solutions to “level the playing field” of parenting time, one of the most accessible solutions is to focus on those two (often two-and-a-half) months of summer vacation that most children enjoy. Parents forget the enormous amount of time children are given each summer to play and relax — time that is ripe for strengthening their bond with their kids, who do not have strict “school night” bedtimes, who can play outside long after dinner is done and who can take vacations without being penalized for missed school days.
      So what does a “creative” summertime parenting schedule look like? While I am often asked about a week-on, week-off schedule as a solution to avoid the ping-pong effect of changing households, the biggest issue that presents is that a child will go seven days without having significant time with the other parent (even if you insert a dinner or two mid-week). Instead, I will recommend to parents a “2-2-3” schedule, which often looks like this: Monday and Tuesday day and overnight with Parent 1, Wednesday and Thursday day and overnight with Parent 2, and alternating weekends from Friday morning through Monday morning.
      This is a win-win for both parents and kids; not only does this type of schedule give each parent the ability to see their child every few days, but children are less stressed when they get to see each parent on a consistent basis. Moreover, with summer schedules allowing for more flexibility for later bedtime routines, no homework and out-of-town travel opportunities, family time becomes quality time.
      While family conflict can be heart-wrenching, parents should not and must not feel hopeless and panicked about not being with their children. With a little creativity and flexibility, stability — even in divided households — can be achieved.
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    • Parents have so much on their minds they can forget to appreciate the changes their kids are experiencing.
      My parents live in the suburbs and don't get to see our almost one-year-old son as often as they'd like. So my wife and I do our best to email them photos and updates so they can feel like they’re experiencing our boy’s growth each step of the way. Maybe we need to do a better job updating them because one of the first things my mom said about our son during a recent visit was: “He’s changing so much. You probably don’t even realize it.”
      It took me a second to respond.
      “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I never really thought about it.”
      But now that I’ve had time to reflect, it makes sense that the physical/other changes our son has experienced will be more noticeable to someone who doesn’t see him on a daily basis. However, this has got me thinking – what have I missed even though I’ve been with him every day since he was born?
      I think parents, even if they're physically present in their children’s lives, are sometimes (maybe often?) not truly there. They’re thinking about challenges at work or emails they need to respond to, wondering how they're going to find time to clean the house and make dinner, or imagining what it must be like to finally see the bottom of the laundry basket. Parents have so much on their minds and expend so much energy just trying to navigate the day-to-day challenges that they can forget to enjoy the now and appreciate the changes their kids are experiencing. Next thing you know, the baby they brought home from the hospital is taking his first steps, waving goodbye as he gets on the bus for the first day of school, then one day leaving the house for good.
      While we can’t slow down the hands of time and keep our little ones little forever, we can be a little more mindful and appreciative of the day-to-day changes they’re experiencing. Here are a few ways:
      Practice positive self-talk. Your child will stop crying and fall asleep. You won’t be this tired forever. Eventually you will have time for yourself. Do your best to keep your spirits up, especially when your energy and patience are down.
      Think about those who can’t have children. Kids can test parents’ physical and emotional limits, but there are many people who would give anything to be woken by a crying baby, or face a toddler meltdown in public, or deal with any of the other countless challenges that sleep-deprived/overworked parents can sometimes view as annoyances.
      Remind yourself that you can’t hit rewind. Your children will never be the same age again, so make the most of every second you have with them. No amount of photos or videos will help you get that time back.
      Unplug. If possible, turn off the computer, phone, and TV and keep your focus on your child. The emails, text messages and other electronic distractions can (usually) wait.
      Focus on your senses. What do you see, hear, feel, taste, and smell? Ask yourself and your child. If you take a stroll around the neighborhood, be mindful of your surroundings. Listen to the birds, stop and touch the trees and the leaves, smell the flowers and fresh-cut grass, talk with your children about what they see.
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    • Stock your diaper bag with swim diapers and sunscreen, and get ready to introduce baby to Chicago's beaches.
      Having a little one shouldn’t stop you from getting out and soaking up the rays. Here’s a roundup of some of the best sandlots around the city that are perfect for baby’s first trip to the beach. Stock your diaper bag with swim diapers and sunscreen, and get ready to introduce baby to Lake Michigan!
      Great for South Siders
      Margaret T. Burroughs (31st Street) Beach
      3100 S. Lake Shore Drive
      Burroughs Beach stretches from 31st Street to 26th Street and offers amazing skyline views for adults and a newly renovated and ADA accessible playground for kiddies of all ability levels. Yummy concessions, easy and affordable parking, and a “green roof” for family picnics make this beach an easy choice for South Siders.
      Great for North Siders
      Loyola/Leone Beach
      Touhy Avenue and Lake Michigan
      Loyola/Leone Beach is perfect for North Side dwellers and active families alike. Chicago’s largest beach features a 2/3-mile walking trail along the beautiful beach and Lake Michigan, making this the perfect beach for stroller walks and jogs. In addition to a playground, there is also a softball field and basketball court available for older siblings.
      Great for families with dogs
      Foster Avenue Beach
      5200 N. Lake Shore Drive (Foster Avenue and Lake Michigan)
      Parent to a baby and a dog baby? Head over to Foster Avenue Beach and get the best of both worlds. Foster Beach has its own dog beach at the northeast end and outdoor showers so that your fam can clean off after a day in the sand and sun.
      Great for water adventuring babies
      Kathy Osterman Beach
      4600 N. Lake Shore Drive
      Osterman Beach is located in the northernmost tip of Lincoln Park and is perfect for families that want to explore the water: it is known for having shallower water than other beaches.
      Great for water-shy babies
      63rd Street Beach
      6300 S. Lake Shore Drive. (E. Hayes Drive at Lake Michigan)
      Baby not quite ready to frolic in Lake Michigan? No worries! 63rd Street Beach has interactive water fountains that are perfect for letting your little one enjoy the water without swimming in the lake.
      Great for a day of relaxing
      12th Street Beach
      12th Street at Lake Michigan on Northerly Island 
      If a less crowded day at the beach is what you’re in search of, 12th Street Beach is the perfect spot for you. Nestled just south of Adler Planetarium, this beach feels like a private sandy shore just for you and your family. Concessions and restrooms are nearby and you can check out the nearby museums when you need a break from the sun.
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    • It can be tough to celebrate Father's Day with your husband when you've lost your dad. Here's how to still make the day special.
      Photo: The author, second from left, with her dad, second from right, and family   I don’t mean to brag, but my husband is a really amazing dad. Ever since my boys were born, he was hands-on and involved in every aspect of their lives, from changing poopy diapers to waking up with them in the middle of the night…even happily going into super-cold pools with them during swim lessons so I could stay warm and dry on the sidelines.   And when Father’s Day rolls around, I always want to shower him with love, praise and appreciation, but it is so incredibly difficult. Why? Because I don’t have a dad anymore, and sometimes missing him becomes so overwhelming that I really struggle with doing anything to celebrate Father’s Day. And I know I’m not alone.   I lost my beloved dad to colon cancer almost six years ago (this Father’s Day weekend will mark the anniversary of his death, which feels like a combination of a kick in the teeth and the stomach all at once). And the more I meet new moms while at my kids’ schools or at the park, I keep realizing that I am not alone in missing a parent…too many fathers have passed away to count (and I find that it has been so incredibly lopsided with feisty men avoiding the doctor, unfortunately).   So I wanted to write a letter to all of you moms who are struggling with missing your dad this Father’s Day while trying to figure out a way to celebrate your husband or partner for being the amazing dad that he is.   Communicate with your family, especially your husband or partner, about how you are feeling about Father’s Day. My husband knows that Father’s Day is especially rough for me since it marks the anniversary of when he passed away, so we don’t do a lot of specific Father’s Day activities on the day and instead fill our June and July with tons of fun summer activities that my husband especially enjoys.   You can always celebrate your dad, even if he isn’t with you on Father’s Day. My dad died a year before my oldest son was born. And even though I am so incredibly sad that they never got to meet, I am really lucky because my son is the spitting image (tantrums and all) of his Grandpa Tim. So whenever I am feeling a little blue, we take out photo albums and compare pictures of Grandpa and grandson and tell stories. It is the perfect medicine for my aching heart. And we always eat a sundae at one of Grandpa Tim’s favorite ice cream shops, a family Father’s Day tradition.   Father’s Day will never be the same after you lose your dad. Ever. But here’s the thing…once your husband or partner becomes a dad, it gets a little better. Because you now have a dad to honor and celebrate. I’m not saying that the day will be all butterflies and rainbows, but it will be better.   Happy Father’s Day to all the amazing dads in your life, past and present!   Related posts: What my kids taught me when my dad died Kid birthday party etiquette--for parents 5 family-friendly Midwest vacation spots  
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    • If you're searching for the right school for your child, the CPS ratings may be a factor in your decision. But they shouldn't be the only one.
      On Friday, Chicago Public Schools released a lot of new data. While CPS's continued enrollment slide made the biggest headlines (enrollment is linked to how much funding each district receives), the new school ratings are likely more important to parents, especially those in the thick of school search. Find out where your school—or the schools you're considering for your child next year—ranks here. 
      [Related: Want to make your community better? Consider your neighborhood school]
      My son's school's rating dropped from a 1+ to a 1. That's disappointing, for sure, but this article about what these ratings really mean helped me understand the data that drives these ratings, and why perhaps you shouldn't put too much stock into them. 
      Possibly the most controversial data point in these ratings is attendance, which is weighted more than all other factors. A "perfect" score is 96% attendance. Attendance is no doubt important, but if a school slips below that 96% attendance rate, its rating takes a huge hit.
      "For example, last year Saucedo Scholastic Academy just barely received a Level 2+ rating, with 2.9 points," the article states. "Students at Saucedo had a 95.9% attendance rate. Had students been sick just a few days less, their attendance would have increased to 96.0%, and they would have become a Level 1 school."
      [Related: The little-known strategy of getting into Chicago schools]
      So if you're researching schools for your child, by all means take these school ratings into account. But my advice is also to consider the many other aspects that make a school successful, such as a committed principal and a highly involved parent group. Luckily, my son's school has both.
      Check out NPN's school search tools to make your school search easier! Our School Directory compiles up-to-date stats on every school in the city. And look for upcoming NPN School Choice events such as CPS 101.
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