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    • A white mother fears the day her Black son will be viewed as a threat.
      You fear viruses, kidnapping, accidents, and other parenting woes. I fear the day my sweet baby boy becomes a Black man.  
      I fear the world that doesn't value his life. The world that lives in denial, claiming all lives matter to them. 
      When I think about the day my son will drive a car and be stopped by the police, I shudder in fear. I wonder, How I can protect him, a camera in his car? An alert that will dial me immediately and send me his location if he gets pulled over?  I will teach him to respect police, be polite, keep his mouth shut, stay alive, but I know that without real change, it won't be enough.   He will have to learn the painful lesson that he can't act the same as his white friends and his own white parents, that he doesn't have the same freedoms as them. He can't ask why he is being pulled over, he can't quote his rights. He must stay painfully silent and compliant or risk death.    I will try to teach him to strive for perfection, that small infractions will be punishable by death, but it won't be enough.     The videos confirm, it won't be enough.    My small voice feels powerless to control how the world chooses to see him, but still I advocate endlessly. I fight for a world that won't see my sweet, snuggly, special-needs boy as a threat.    All of the horrific murders play over and over in my mind. I picture my son's face. I have nightmares of his body broken, bloody, left to soak in the asphalt because he has to live in a world that doesn't value him.    I am afraid for these Black children entrusted to my care, their birth families, my Black friends. I am just afraid. I see murder after murder and lay awake in hopeless despair.    I want the rest of my community, my family, my friends to grieve with me, carry the sadness. A few do, but most won't. Their silence speaks volumes. They claim to love these children, yet they are unwilling to speak up for them.    My feelings as a white woman parenting Black children are insignificant in comparison to Black parents who have carried this trauma, this fear for centuries longer than I have, who not only fear for the safety of their children, but also for themselves, because being killed in front of their children in broad daylight and leaving them orphaned is a very real threat.   While I am outraged and scared, it's nothing like what Black families have lived through and have felt for hundreds of years. They are the true experts on this topic, but in honor of raising awareness and giving them a break to process and grieve recent events, I share my experience.    Fellow parents, this isn't the time to argue or point blame, it is the time to cry for justice and safety together. This is a time to rally together and say enough is enough.   It's time to listen to the Black voices who have cried out in fear and oppression, respect them, grieve with them, not blame them for the violence against them.    I hope to add advocates to the ranks in my community. Don't let it be the death of my son to be the thing that finally wakes you up, because let's face it, if nothing changes my son could be shot by the police playing alone in a park in broad daylight.    From one parent to another, please, join the movement, fight injustice, advocate for a world where Black lives matter. 
       
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    • The most important things you'll need while breastfeeding, other than a cooperative and hungry baby, of course.
      There are very few secrets left about breastfeeding. We know it’s great for baby; most of us know the benefits to mom’s health, too. It’s always available, it’s always the right temperature, it’s a package of love if/when you return to work, blah, blah, blah… We know all that.
      We also know the more challenging side of breastfeeding: the clogged ducts and teething and pumping and messiness of it all. Breastfeeding horror stories abound in new moms groups, right? But, it’s not exactly news. So, what’s the best-kept secret about breastfeeding? You shouldn’t do it alone. 
      No, I’m serious. Don’t even think for a second that breastfeeding is a do-it-yourself kind of thing. Whether you’re preparing to breastfeed or you’ve been breastfeeding for a while, it’s a good idea to have a couple of the following in your back pocket in case of emergency:
      Phone a friend: Got a friend who breastfed her baby and had a good experience? Call her and call her often. She may not have all the answers, but she can support you emotionally, and breastfeeding is a LOT about emotion, especially in the early days.
      Warning: Friends with breastfeeding baggage are not going to be helpful to you. If you want to breastfeed, you need someone who will cheer you on.  
      Hospital lactation staff: Most hospitals these days are working toward the World Health Organization’s Baby Friendly designation, a set of evidence-based practices designed to get breastfeeding off to a strong start. If your hospital isn’t pursuing this designation, consider birthing at a different hospital because you’re more likely to get booby trapped. After birth, ask for help from the lactation staff. Ask again if needed. Be persistent and ask questions.
      Warning: If you feel like the help you’re getting in the hospital is not helpful, get different help (see IBCLCs below).
      The BSG: Breastfeeding Support Group: Go! Go hang out with a group of other moms who are trying to do the same thing you are! Big plus: no one cares if you baby cries. Well-run groups are supportive, friendly, and informative – they can be a life-saver in those early days of new motherhood. Here is the Chicagoland breastfeeding support group map.
      Bonus: Many breastfeeding support group leaders are available for phone call questions as well. La Leche League and Breastfeeding USA volunteers are trained in helping breastfeeding moms with common questions.
      Warning: Did you attend a group and it wasn’t the right vibe for you? Try a different one! All groups are different. Better yet, bring a friend so if you have to, you can leave early and go get coffee with her.
      The independent IBCLC: Lots of people call themselves lactation consultants, but the term means different things. If you’re having serious breastfeeding issues (ongoing pain, bad latch, cracking or bleeding nipples, slow or low weight gain, lack of poopy and wet diapers), you need help from the most educated ladies in the business: International Board Certified Lactation Consultants. Find a list of independent IBCLCs here. Some insurance plans will pay for visits with an IBCLC.
      Warning: Just as you’d interview a doctor or a doula, you need to interview your IBCLC. Do you have twins, or do you think your baby has a tongue or lip tie? Ask her about her experience with your needs.
      The drop-in clinic: Drop-in clinics are relatively new around Chicagoland, but they’re great for a breastfeeding tune-up! Want to make sure baby is getting enough milk? Is baby’s latch changing and you want to figure out how to fix it? Drop-in clinics are normally staffed by IBCLCs and are less expensive than an in-home IBCLC visit.
      Warning: If you’re having severe breastfeeding issues, the drop-in clinic won’t give you the one-on-one time you need with a professional. You need a home visit.
      Online support: I won’t lie, my favorite online breastfeeding support resource is Breastfeed Chicago. We’ve got a great website and we have mother-to-mother support on our Facebook group. Online resources are great for those middle-of-the night questions or to see what other breastfeeding moms are doing.
      And don't forget, the NPN Discussion Forum is also a great place to communicate with other parents going through similar challenges.
      Warning: Online support doesn’t replace in-person support. If you’re in real need of help, find a real person to help you.
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    • How to recognize the signs and symptoms of postpartum depression in new moms, and how to treat this common condition.
      Lifestyle blog Fix put together this helpful infographic about recognizing and treating postpartum depression, a topic you just can't know enough about. Postpartum depression can happen to any new mom, and the effects go beyond the "baby blues." And too few people talk about it, despite the efforts of celebrities such as Hayden Panettiere, Brooke Shields and Drew Barrymore to shed light on the pervasive condition.
      Learn to recognize the signs and symptoms of postpartum depression in yourself and others, and share this with a friend!

      Source: Fix.com Blog
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    • What's normal, what to expect and how to cope when it comes to infant crying.
      Most expectant parents understand that after their baby is born, she will cry. A lot. But how do you cope with the stress of hearing your baby cry, and how will you know whether your baby's crying is normal?    Nancy Mork, LCSW, of the Erikson Institue's Fussy Baby Network, offers some great insight on infant crying below.    How do you know if your child has colic, rather than a normal baby who cries a lot? All babies cry, but some certainly cry more than others! The definition of colic is the Rule of 3’s: more than 3 hours a day, more than 3 days in a week, for at least 3 weeks. Babies with colic typically will be inconsolable in the evening and have a higher pitched cry—it often sounds like a pain cry. You might notice that they turn purple when they cry. Although holding more can help, it often does not stop the crying.    Is there a difference in the cries babies make depending on their needs?  Yes and no! It really depends on the age of your baby. You really can’t distinguish the cry in a newborn—with sound alone. Looking at your baby usually helps parents to be able to distinguish the cries. Context also helps, if you know that it is almost time to eat, that helps! The one cry that you can distinguish is pain: It is higher pitched, loud, with sudden onset.   What are some coping mechanisms for parents who are on their last nerve with their crying infant? Crying is probably one of the most gut-wrenching parts of parenting. Most parents find the crying to be stressful and frustrating. It is important to know that it is always ok to put your baby down, in a safe place, no matter what. Taking care of yourself is key. Get support from family, friends or even Fussy Baby Network. If it is the middle of the night, it is good to know that there is a hotline available for you to call, 1-866-364-6667, which has trained counselors ready to listen and offer support. You are not alone in these feelings and no one should parent alone.    Taking a break is also really important. It doesn’t have to be long, but having someone you trust watch your baby for even just 30 minutes is crucial. Remembering to breathe—taking three conscious breaths—can also help.   What expectations should expectant parents have about how much their infant will cry? Believe it or not, it is totally normal for infants to cry up to three hours a day! That’s a lot of crying. It helps to know that all babies go through a normal crying curve. Babies actually cry more at around 5-6 weeks than they did the first few weeks. Although all babies are different, at around 12 weeks babies are crying much less.
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    • Have an anxious child? Check out these tips to help manage your child's anxiety about homework.
      Children are receiving homework as young as the kindergarten age, and some students report spending up to six hours a night on it. Many kids learn how to cope and manage the homework load, but what about children with anxiety? Anxiety negatively impacts concentration, inhibits learning, and can make it difficult for an anxious child to display her true knowledge and grasp of the material. Following are a few anxiety-ridden scenarios and how to help.
      Anxiety: “My logical, problem-solving brain won’t work and I feel stupid.” When children are operating from an anxious brain, their logical, problem-solving, executive functioning brain is out of reach. Can you imagine trying to complete a math problem without the ability to use logic? In addition, anxiety creates added stress, which interrupts the ability to sustain focus. A child may be able to demonstrate her true knowledge when she is operating from a calmer state, but can’t recall the information during an anxious moment. In this anxious state, 30 minutes of homework takes 3 hours, frustration rises, exhaustion enters, and your child ends up feeling stupid.
      How to help: If anxiety is impacting your child’s ability to demonstrate knowledge, is causing your child to spend more time on homework than his peers, or is adding significant stress after school, you may ask your teacher for some accommodations to support your child. Homework may be shortened or broken down into smaller parts, a time limit may be implemented on how much time a child may spend on homework, and in some cases, homework can be completely waived.
      Anxiety: “I worry so much about turning in a perfect paper that I end up procrastinating.” Children and teens will often cope with their fears of inadequacy or making mistakes with procrastination. Parents and teachers may inaccurately label these kids as lazy or tell them to try harder. This only puts more focus on the child’s struggles and shines a light on the child’s need to seek external achievements and rewards to gain self-confidence.
      How to help: Use your relationship to notice what you see. Say, “I notice you have a hard time finishing your homework. What’s the hardest part?” or “I wonder if you worry so much about being perfect, it’s hard for you to get started.” By opening up a nonjudgmental conversation, you may help your child gain some insight into their anxious response to homework.
      Anxiety: “Homework takes away from my play, and I need play to learn, relax, and reduce my anxiety.” Children learn through play. If your child compromises her free time for homework, then your child is at risk for increased anxiety, stress, learning challenges and health issues. A relaxed and rested brain is a brain that is open and ready to learn.
      How to help: Create a routine in which your child is able to relax his mind, body, and burn off energy he may have had to hold onto during the school day. Discover a homework routine that works best for your child. Your child may need to get some physical exercise immediately after school before diving into homework. Alternatively, your child may need to start homework immediately, but utilize sensory supports such as fidgeting, music, or bouncing on an exercise ball while working. Break homework up into small parts and allow frequent breaks. Never sacrifice a child’s after-school play or relaxation time for homework. Be the support network. Homework is mistakenly thought of to be an independent time of study. I encourage caregivers to look at homework as an opportunity to connect and spend time with their child. An anxious child’s brain will calm with your presence and support. You will also discover exactly what parts of homework are difficult for your child and in turn help your child more. You will have the opportunity to teach your child the skills she is lacking and help develop positive coping tools.
       
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    • How to encourage your child to not get caught up in consumer culture.
      Another holiday season is over, leaving many with sweet memories of “joy to the world,” while for others there is a bitterness of “bah humbug.” Some of those feelings derive from the surplus of things and loved ones we were surrounded by—or not. Our materialistic culture gives us both the illusion of abundance and the pressure to replace our possessions with the latest and newest version. Our motivation to consume is to make us happier. But is that what it’s actually doing?
      As a child, I grew up learning hard lessons about the value of money because my family had a tumultuous relationship with financial stability. The inconsistency in having things—both that I needed and wanted—taught me how to be disciplined in saving and savoring. My partner, on the other hand, grew up in material privilege. Despite those differences, we agree on shaping our children’s thinking about store-bought items as complementary and not essential to a meaningful life. 
      People of all ages, socioeconomic backgrounds, races, and genders highly value what our society has placed on a pedestal—smartphones, designer clothes and shoes, or other status symbols. When it comes to feeding the soul, these things mean very little. Instead, the false and temporary sense of importance they give us disappears as soon as hot new items hit the shelves. 
      The holidays are often a hard time for parents. Once the parties are over and the gifts have been opened, all of our possessions, old and new, can make us feel both overwhelmed and empty. Given this bottomless pit of consumer (un)satisfaction, what is a parent or a shopaholic to do? A lot, if you’re striving for unshakable inner peace. It is definitely a long journey to change certain habits, but here are some steps we can all  take while we and our families are on that road:
      Let go of old stuff. Donate smartphones, toys, and clothing to local organizations serving those in need; a school STEM program could utilize your old phone to build an app. A domestic violence shelter could benefit from the use of your unused phone. Don’t just wait until the holidays to volunteer; people are in need all year round. Share your creativities with those who value you—it could feed your soul and others. Playdates rule! The more positive human interaction, the better. Play board games together as a family. It’s a favorite routine for our family after a stressful workday. Listen to music. Name all of the instruments you hear, or play along with your own. As a mother who is aware that my personal growth benefits my entire family, I stay motivated by their watchful eyes. I am hoping that what I am planting will grow into something that will reflect our core family values. So, when my partner and I hear our oldest say that she wants to be rich so she can give money to end homelessness, my partner and I see this as a small achievement. Surrounded by our relentless consumer culture, we do our best to feed our children unconditional love, a sense of community, and the importance of justice as the things truly worth “consuming” every day.
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    • Potty training doesn't have to be stressful. Make a fun game out of potty training your toddler with these tips.
      So your child is about to begin this huge stage of independent self-care and you have a million questions. Are they ready? Is it going to be a complete disaster? Will they cry? Will you?
      On the flip side, there’s the glory of no more diapers. Ever. Think of all the saved money you can stash away in that college fund. Not to mention, you really need a break. Plus, most preschools won’t let you drop off a kid who isn’t fully potty trained.
      Clearly, this has to happen. You survey your friends about what they did and then read a couple of potty training books you don’t have time to read. And yet, it still seems confusing and like a huge drag you’d rather put off till another day, month, year...perhaps forever.
      But what about preschool? This has to happen.
      When getting ready to potty train my own son, I had a crazy thought: Was there any way to make this fun? Not only for myself, but because I still vividly remembered a graduate psychology course in which we learned about Erikson’s second stage of development: Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt. Usually completed between 18 months and three years old, it’s the period when children first encounter shame — the message of “You are bad” instead of “You made a bad choice.” Without even realizing it, parents and caregivers often use shame in potty training, not understanding how it can affect their littles.
      [Related: Potty Training for All Abilities (members-only video)]
      Knowing this, I was determined to make potty training a shame-free and fun experience. Pictured is the exact behavior chart I used. The result? A fully potty trained kid in no time. Quick note: I also had a second chart just for potty training when out and about. Because children have different things they struggle with — one might fear pooping in general, while another won’t go to the bathroom at school — feel free to get creative and make a chart that fits your child’s needs.
      1. Get out all of your craft supplies and involve your child in the process.
      2. Draw a fun shape like a circle or star and section it off into however many days you choose.
      3. Write a reward in each box. I tried to create as many non-food rewards as possible and added special “bigger” rewards along the way; for example, making slime was a big hit, as was “phone” time.
      4. This is the most important step: Buy or gather all of the rewards and place them in one spot in your home. Make sure your child can see everything. The idea behind this is that they will not have to wait to get their reward. When my son saw everything lined up on top of the hutch, he immediately bought into the program and said, “I’m going to get everything on my chart.”
      [Related: Best Chicago playgrounds for the potty-training toddler]
      A few things to keep in mind:
      No time like the present
      Summer is a great season to start this adventure because your kiddos can be naked without freezing. Less clothing to fuss with in and out of the bathroom is a win for everyone. If you can, take a couple of days off or a long weekend to potty train. Stay close to home, play board games, go to the park, and enjoy time with your little one outdoors. (Added bonus if you’ve got a boy: they can always pee on a tree in a pinch.) That said, always consider...
      Timing
      The best potty training advice ever given to me came from my pediatrician, who said to wait for the child to show interest. I took my son shopping for undies and then asked him every day for almost a month if he wanted to wear a diaper or undies. After Day 26, he finally said “undies” and I had them on him so fast he never had time to look back.
      Patience This is not always a quick process. Try not to get discouraged or frustrated. I quickly learned that if I got upset so would my son. Children feed off of our feelings. I began to act like it was no big deal and with the pressure off, there was room for fun. Phrases to have ready “I would never ask you to do something I didn’t think you could do.” “We all make mistakes; it’s part of learning.” “You’ve got this potty training thing down.”
      Humor Dance parties were the biggest part of our success. Every time he went to the bathroom, we would celebrate. He even had his own potty touchdown move. Take your time with the process so you can appreciate the joy of watching your little one accomplish this huge milestone.
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    • Five reasons a small apartment is perfect for raising a family.
      Are you, like my husband and me, raising two kids in a two-bedroom condo or apartment? Are you wondering how long your family will fit or wishing you had more space? We do, too. But as parents of two boys (seven and nine years old), we have grown to love life in our little place. We’ve enjoyed living here longer than we thought we would, and you might enjoy several more years, if not a lifetime, in your small home. Here’s why.

      Small homes are easy to keep clean. Spending 10 minutes putting things away leaves our home looking organized and neat. Ten more minutes yields clean bathrooms and kitchen. If I wanted to, I could keep our home looking spotless in 15 minutes each day. As it is, I can usually find 20 minutes to straighten up right before guests arrive.

      Small homes also provide lots of family time. Since our kids are never more than a few short steps away from us, we almost always know what they are up to, even if we aren’t involved. They can do their homework, take a bath and clean up their room while remaining close enough to carry on a conversation with me in the kitchen. When we want privacy, we just close our bedroom doors (which works about half the time).

      The “one toy in, one toy out” rule is part of our routine. Our closets, cupboards and shelves are big enough for what we need and help deter us from keeping too much. I admit we occasionally store unopened cereal boxes on a shelf in our bedroom because there is no room in the cereal cupboard, but that has more to do with my husband’s “unique” grocery list than our lack of space.

      Living without a yard means we never have to do yard work. We’ve never had to clean gutters, reseal a patio or rake leaves. We don’t even have a garage to keep clean. Yes, I daydream about gardening, playing in the yard and not looking for street parking, but I appreciate our mostly maintenance-free life.

      Our boys are learning how to be good neighbors. With reminders (sometimes several in quick succession), they don’t yell in the stairwell, dump out their marbles on the wood floor or jump up and down while playing Wii. Since a baby moved in upstairs, they have been learning to be especially quiet during his naptime. Having other people’s needs top of mind is a wonderful practice (and we practice, practice and practice it).

      Every family has different needs and priorities, and what works for me might not work for you. But if you are living in a small home with children underfoot, don’t despair. Small-space living has unique advantages that can help make life relatively easy and fun. Enjoy the benefits while you have them. After all, living small can be pretty great. 
      Related articles:
      Yes, you can survive parenthood without family nearby
      13 signs you might be a Chicago mom
      Best playgrounds off the El
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    • How one Chicago mom is creating a more inclusive world, one image at a time.
      Photo credit: Sarah-beth Photography
      Rarely do you see a person with a disability in an ad campaign that has nothing to do with his or her disability. Chicago mom, NPN member and photographer Katie Driscoll aims to change that with her charity, Changing the Face of Beauty. Her goal? To convince retailers large and small to include people with disabilities in their ad campaigns. 
      "The common response I receive from the industry is, 'We never even thought about including those with disabilities,'” says Driscoll, whose six kids are pictured, above. "My response is, That's unfortunate, because globally the disability community equates to the size of China. They, as well as their families, are a very brand-loyal community. Our mission continues to remind companies that not only is it socially important to include all people in their advertising, it is actually a good business decision."
      She's had incredible success so far. She’s helped put the first model with Down syndrome, Jamie Brewer, on the runway at New York Fashion Week 2015. She has convinced more then 100 companies to put people with disabilities in their own advertising. She partnered with Tori Spelling and her Little Maven clothing line and created a holiday look book profiling kids with and without disabilities. She has appeared on the Today Show during its “Beauty Is” campaign.
      But there's so much more she wants to do. Read on to learn more about Changing the Face of Beauty and how you can help.
      What is your personal connection to the cause?
      Changing the Face of Beauty is a part of our family now. Six years ago when our sixth child, Grace, was born, she was diagnosed with Down syndrome. At that moment our journey began. During the first couple years of her life if was important to me that I could show our world how thrilled I was to be a mom of a little girl after five boys. Her diagnosis of Down syndrome was secondary to our excitement of raising a little girl.  
      I found the easiest way to communicate just how similar our life was to everyone else's was through imagery. As I started reaching out to small Etsy vendors for images of kids like my daughter, I realized how under-represented children with disabilities were. Imagery speaks so much louder than conversation, so I pushed myself to learn how to use my camera and start capturing kids and young adults with disabilities modeling products. The response was fantastic and gave me the confidence to reach higher. I believe passionately in this mission and it consumes my everyday. I want to leave this world a better place for my children, and that means making sure they are all valued in the world they live in.
      Why is the charity important to Chicago kids? Changing the Face of Beauty is a reminder of how important it is for all kids to be seen and feel a part of the world they live in. The community of people with disabilities is the largest global minority yet remains the least represented in our media and advertising.   No parent wants to raise a child who is invisible to the world around them. Unfortunately that is what is happening to children and adults with disabilities.     I believe it is important for all kids to be exposed to not only others like themselves but to those kids who might be considered different. Advertising and the media have the power to do that. If parents and their children were exposed to all kids of all abilities I personally believe there would be less fears and more opportunity to enjoy life's milestones together instead of separately.   How has starting CTFOB affected you as a parent? I am not sure that starting CTFOB really affected my parenting. Having a child that is deemed disabled by society definitely did.  Before Grace, I was the mother of five boys who were developing typically. Until Grace, I had no exposure to anyone living with  disabilities and I was very uncomfortable with people who were considered different.   Having Grace changed my life. It really changed my whole family's life. She opened our eyes to the world as a whole, and for that I am eternally grateful because I now have friends who have disabilities and they are some of the smartest and kindest people I know. They make my life more exciting and actually challenge me as a person to think outside of society's box.     So my parenting style has changed. I am now more concerned about how my kids treat others. I am also concerned about who they are surrounded by. I want my kids to be in environment that lifts them up as well as gives them the opportunity to help others. Because of CTFOB, my kids have and continue to be surrounded by all kinds of people, and I believe they will look back on their upbringing and be thankful of the opportunity to get to know so many different people. Unlike me, they will start out with less fear because the world is their friend. How can people get involved? CTFOB is a sum of everyone who has believed in, worked for and demanded change in the advertising industry. It is an ever-evolving organization that needs creative and hardworking individuals to nurture it. There are so many ways for people to become involved.  We are scheduling photo shoots around the world!  We are also holding conversations with companies and asking them to make sure to include the largest minority in the world in their marketing message.     Additionally we are looking for companies to partner with our organization to help us fund projects like PSAs to educate the future marketing world, develop a stock imagery database to give companies and organizations a place to go for good and realistic disability stock imagery, as well as create marketing materials to send to marketing firms who are creating and packaging ideas for their clients.   
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    • Adopted kids come to their adoptive families for many reasons, and they rarely involve luck.
      "They are so lucky to have you."
      This is something my family hears regularly from strangers and friends alike. Every time I hear it my heart sinks, because I know the person saying it has the best possible intentions but, really, these babies are far from lucky and it misses the reality of their painful journey. 
      Every single child deserves a loving, supportive home. Luck should have nothing to do with it. But if it did, "lucky" would have been being able to stay with their first families in better circumstances without the pain of significant loss. Each of my children's removal from their first families and placement into our family was complex and traumatic for everyone involved. Describing them as "lucky" dismisses the loss and trauma they have experienced.

      There was nothing "lucky" or "blessed" about how they came to us. We need to remove the word "luck" when trying to describe their stories. 

      They didn't choose this. They didn't play a game and win a prize. This is their life and they ended up with parents who are going to screw up as much as the next unlucky kid who thinks his parents are the worst. 

      So, please, think about how your words will hear to these small ears and pause long enough to formulate words that describe what you mean. I think what you mean to say is you're "so glad we are together now" or "we make a great team" or "we look like we're having fun together." 

      Instead of talking about how lucky my kids are, I hope you can say, "I can see how much you love those babies and it warms my heart." 

      I do. I love them more than words can even express, and they deserve that love. They are fully entitled to a love that is big and bold and healing, because they have been through a lot.
      What you’re seeing isn’t luck, it’s the love of a unique and beautiful family. 
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    • One mom's tips for turning off your phone and tuning in to your kids.
      A few weeks ago while hanging out with my boys in their playroom, my four year old looked at me and said, “Mommy, I’m so glad you’re playing with us and not with your phone.” There it was, the punch in the gut that totally and utterly changed my social media habit.   You see, I’m a blogger, so social media is absolutely VITAL to my business. But here’s the thing. I wasn’t keeping my work life and home life separate—it creeped in every day through me checking my phone way too often and not being as present as I would have liked.   Although it absolutely stung to hear my sweet boy call me out, I knew that something had to be done. And let me tell you—it was so incredibly hard to unplug. So what I did was take baby steps to overcome my social media addiction in a way that still allowed me to have my blog thrive. But even more importantly, the happiness of my whole entire family improved as well.     How did I do it? By prioritizing. Like most moms, my family is a top priority. So I straight up asked them how they would like to spend time with me and did what they asked.    Although my initial social media detox was hard, I slowly started realizing that I was accomplishing so much more than I had when I was chained to my phone. I was also having more fun--painting alongside my boys and becoming a kid again. While I’m still blogging away, the majority of my time is spent writing and researching my pieces instead of working like crazy to promote them, and I truly couldn’t be happier.   Unplugging tips that worked for me   1. Keep track of your social media usage for a week. Then make a concrete plan to reduce your usage.   2. Set a schedule for when you will allow yourself to check social media and STICK WITH IT. My favorite ways to limit my stubborn self? Through apps and websites such as Facebook Limiter, Social Network Limiter and Minutes Please.    3. Remove as many social media apps as possible.    4. Turn off notifications.    5. Leave groups. Stick to your favorite few and ditch the rest.   6. Remember that less is more. No one needs to see every cute picture of your kid to know that he or she is adorable.   7. Ditch your phone whenever possible. Leave it at the bottom of your diaper bag, in the other room, turn it face down or even put it on silent mode and enjoy the peace and quiet.
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    • Have an IEP meeting coming up? These tips from a special education attorney and mom will make the process easier.
      After working as a special education teacher for a few years, I attended law school with the sole intention of becoming a special education attorney who represented parents of children with special needs. In 1998—right out of law school—I was lucky enough to get a job doing just that.
      For years, I attended hundreds of IEP meetings involving all types of special education issues. However, about five years ago, my perspective and practice were forever impacted when my own child was diagnosed with a disability. I now better understand the emotions, including the fear, uncertainty and anguish, that can come when your child has special needs.
      Following my child’s last IEP meeting, held at a time when she was really struggling in school, I decided to write down my best advocacy tips to share with anyone who asked. I hope that my varied experiences at IEP meetings can help others navigate the special education world for their own children: 
      Use private providers. The Individuals with Disabilities Education Improvement Act (IDEA) allows parents to bring private providers to IEP meetings to share their expertise about the child. These individuals, such as an OT, SLP or therapist, can provide the IEP team with great information for the creation of IEP goals, accommodations, modifications and when discussing placement options. The IDEA also allows parents to obtain private evaluations and requires school districts to consider the information at an IEP meeting. If you are looking for an evaluator, find one that has experience with school districts and will accompany you to an IEP meeting. An evaluator who is reluctant to attend an IEP meeting is not one that you want to spend your money on. Educate yourself. Learn your rights prior to attending IEP meetings with district personnel. Know the law, the procedures, and the special education terminology (there are a lot of acronyms). The Illinois State Board of Education’s website is a good place to start as it contains hundreds of informational memorandums. You can also access both the federal and State special education laws and administrative rules on that site. In my experience, district personnel respond more positively to parents they perceive as informed, interested and involved. Begin preparing early. Most school districts are willing to provide parents with draft copies of evaluations and goals in advance of an IEP meeting. Document your request in writing (more advice: always document everything in writing) and send the letter or e-mail a few weeks in advance of the meeting. I usually ask for the paperwork to be provided to me for a client at least five days in advance of the meeting. You can also develop your own agenda and issues for the meeting. Make copies for each member of the team.  Stay focused. The most common mistake we see from parents who have reached an impasse with a school district is that they try to accomplish too many things at one time. Recently, a friend who also happens to be a very successful litigation attorney asked me to review a seven-page letter to the district following her daughter’s IEP meeting. I edited the letter to 1.5 pages! Too much detail waters down your main issues. I’d have been surprised if district personnel could even get through half of the original seven pages. Parents need to determine what they really want. Other issues can be brought up later; you don’t have to worry about waiving them. Under the IDEA, an IEP meeting can be requested at any time. Do not be intimidated. The district IEP teams may, at times, seem voluminous and have a lot of varied or difficult opinions about your child. But who knows the child best? YOU! Parents should listen to the educational team and consider their recommendations, but should not be afraid to disagree. With that said, always be as kind and cooperative as possible. I have seen more parents get what they want with kindness and respect than by being rude and aggressive. Finally, if you are nervous, bring a support person to the IEP (spouse, other family member, friend) and ask them to take good notes.    Lara Cleary is a partner with the law firm of Hansen & Cleary, LLC, a boutique law practice focusing on the representation of children and families, individuals with disabilities, medical and mental health practitioners, private schools, and other non-profit agencies in Chicagoland and throughout Illinois. 
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    • Tips to help your child emotionally prepare for the start of the school year.
      Back-to-school is an exciting, emotional, often hectic time for families. The unending texts about teacher assignments and after-school schedules make this time of year one filled with great anticipation. As we ready our kids for class with new backpacks, new shoes and new pencils, we need to help them emotionally prepare for the year ahead.
      Combat fear of the unknown
      Help your child visualize and practice her first day of school, including how she will get there, who she will see—even what the classroom looks like. Fear of the unknown can fuel anxiety so help keep those concerns at bay by taking part in back-to-school activities like a practice bus ride or “meet the teachers” event. Talk to older kids who are familiar with your child’s soon-to-be teacher to learn about their experiences and what to expect.
      Get to know the teacher
      Regular parent-teacher communication is key to a child’s success, but sometimes it’s hard to know when and how to strike the right balance. It’s ok to ask your child’s teacher his or her feelings about a reasonable amount of communication. Does she prefer email or phone calls, and when does she want to hear from you or the student? Ask the teacher about her take on homework and if parent assistance is appropriate. We might be tempted to help but if the assignment is a review of classroom work, it’s important to resist the temptation so the teacher can have an accurate assessment of your child's progress.
      Make good homework habits
      And while we’re on the subject of homework (cue the moaning!), set up good habits from day one. Involve your children in the process of setting up and stocking their homework stations with supplies. Homework should be done in your line of vision, especially if she’s using the Internet to study, but not in the busiest spot of the house (e.g., the kitchen table). Set up a schedule that works well for your family. After getting home from school, take a 15-minute snack break and then begin homework with the easiest assignment first, then the hardest, then everything else. Be ready to be hands-on—even bossy—during the first few weeks to set good habits early.
      Get help early on
      If you or the teacher notice your child struggling, it’s vital to address it early on. The process of setting up an intervention is emotional and can take months to create and implement. Regardless of your child’s grade level it is important—and within your parental rights—to determine a timeline for help, intervention and evaluation, and then hold the school to it. If pre- and post-testing will be done for evaluation, know when the testing will take place, when data will be available and at what point new learning strategies are implemented. You don’t want to lose precious time—or see your child’s confidence drop—because of issues that are not addressed.
      Preparation, practice and communication are key on the first day and all days of the school year. Together we can make it great!  
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    • Let's upend the myth that new moms and their childless friends must drift apart.
      Hi, remember me? Your friend who doesn’t have children? I’m still here. I still love you and want to be part of your life. But I can see that your life has undergone a huge change that I can only partially understand and relate to. If we were to follow societal norms, our friendship would fade over time as I keep inviting you to social events that you can’t attend, and your friendships would deepen with others who are at a similar stage of life.
      Here’s the truth: I want to support and help you in this next phase of life, but I don’t know how. I think I have had a pretty average experience for a woman growing up in American culture. I’ve seen babies before, I’ve even held several for short periods of time. I’ve pinched their cheeks and fought the urge to eat up those chubby thighs. I moved out of the house as soon as I graduated high school, went to start my independent life at university, entered the workforce and got my first real grown-up job working in an office. University and work had a lot of new things for me to experience, but neither of them had any babies. My experience with children is tragically limited. I blame it on a loss of communal spirit in our society.
      I don’t know at what point the myth emerged in our individualistic society that needing help makes you weak or that charity is only for those who are destitute. We have been receiving and giving help to each other our entire lives. So why do we have such a hard time asking for help? I’m terrible at it, truly terrible, but I have noticed, as you no doubt have, my quality of life has been significantly higher when I have made myself more open to receiving and giving help.
      So, please, let me help you. It may be hard at first; I won’t know what will be helpful to you, and you’ll have to explain it to me. You’ll have to articulate your needs and be vulnerable. I will be intimidated and feel out of my element as I watch you navigate motherhood with what feels like some kind of magical prowess that I do not possess.
      There will be times when I still won’t get what your new life means. And there will be times when I’ll see something you wish I hadn’t. But you will be helping me, too—and not just in the way we all grow when we help others and are helped by them. You will help me gain exposure to what it means to be a mother and a chance to develop those capacities.
      Fingers crossed, I will be a better mother for it when the time comes. And that’s got to be better for everyone, right?
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    • Before you grab the kids and go, consider these 10 steps to help you through the pain of an affair.
      You have discovered or have been told that your partner has been having an affair. You’ve been hit by a ton of bricks engulfed by a tsunami of emotions ranging from anger, resentment, wanting to seek revenge to sadness, despair and helplessness.     One of the first questions that may arise is “Should I stay or should I go?” While the answer is there and is different for everyone, you may not have an immediate answer or you unequivocally have the answer and are already in the height of your action plan. Whether you do not know the answer or are in overdrive planning every detail of your action plan, let me suggest hitting the pause button and consider these steps.       1. Do not make any immediate decisions regarding your marriage. You are experiencing one of life’s most devastating and traumatic events, which flood you with emotional intensity overriding judgment and reasoning. Acting now may entail regrets later. Remember your relationship with your spouse and family has developed over time. Your marriage and children are one of your life’s biggest investments, which warrant time to determine this important decision and its lifelong impact.     2. Experience your feelings and sit with your values. Experience your feelings as they arise. Take note of how your upbringing, values or religious beliefs may play a role in figuring out what to do. Grab a journal and write it all out.   3. Talk with those you trust. You will want to obtain support from others. Select a few people you truly trust. Telling everyone can be very damaging by creating more confusion and chaos. Not to mention, if you and your spouse decide to stay together, some family and friends may not be able to recover and re-integrate into your family.     4. Begin a self-care program. Taking care of yourself is vital to your well-being during this time. Tune into the basics, such as a getting adequate sleep, eating a healthy, balanced diet, and exercising. You may want to shift your focus by picking up a hobby or enrolling in a fun class.    5. Remain committed to other areas of your life. Continue to be present by focusing on your children, going to work and taking care of your household.   6. Confront your spouse. Find the appropriate time and environment to ask your spouse general questions about the affair. Do not engage in "pain shopping" by demanding nitty-gritty details that will only be more traumatic.    7. Become educated. Read some books about infidelity and begin to understand the various contributing factors that can lead to infidelity.     8. Get counseling and therapy. Meet with an individual therapist for guidance and support during this time, especially given the risk of depression and anxiety. Seeking couples therapy will be important if the goals are to explore and understand the contributing factors to the infidelity; to repair, heal and rebuild the marriage; or to transition to separation and divorce.      9. Consult with a lawyer. You may want to obtain general information about your rights and the legal process.    10.  Consider whether to tell the children. Infidelity does affect children. Whether you tell them what's going on depends on various factors, some of which include the type of infidelity, whether children know or are at risk of discovering, age of children, and whether parents remain together or divorce. A therapist can guide parents as to what to and what not to share based on these factors.     Experiencing unfaithfulness in marriage is one of the most crushing experiences a person can go through. Engaging in these steps will help you get through the pain in the best way possible with integrity. They can also help you gain greater insight and awareness into your marriage and determine the answer and the best course of action for you and your family.
       
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    • A lactation consultant preps pregnant moms for breastfeeding challenges.
      When you're pregnant, how breastfeeding will work for you won't be apparent until after your little one greets the world and screams for food. You won't know whether your baby will latch easily, how much milk you'll produce, or whether it'll hurt a lot or not at all. But there is still plenty you can do while pregnant to get prepared and educate yourself about how to feed your baby.   Barbara Hardin, an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) with The Mother's Milk Company, clears up some of the myths about breastfeeding, as well as how to overcome the typical stumbling blocks.   [Related: What to expect when you're expecting a Chicago baby]   What are some things an expectant mom can do now to make breastfeeding easier when the time comes? It can be good to talk with other new moms about preparing for motherhood. If you ask them about breastfeeding, here are some things you may hear:   1. Take a breastfeeding class. The workshop I'm leading at Preparing for Parenthood is a great place to start. 2. Read a good book about breastfeeding, such as Nancy Mohrbacher’s Breastfeeding Made Simple: The Seven Natural Laws for Nursing Mothers. You will learn about baby’s instinctive behaviors and what normal breastfeeding looks like. 3. Learn about the benefits of being skin-to-skin with your baby. It’s a wonderful way to care for him (or her) in the early days after baby’s birth and also supports breastfeeding. 4. Identify one or more IBCLCs who provide in-home care just in case you need help once you are home with your newborn.   5. Contact your insurance company to learn how to get coverage for IBCLC services and how to obtain a breast pump. The Affordable Care Act mandates that insurance cover these services.   What are the biggest stumbling blocks moms have when it comes to breastfeeding? It’s important to realize that babies expect to be held most of the time, and they feed frequently—8-12 times a day! Thinking of yourself as baby’s habitat and having unrestricted contact with your baby in the early days and weeks after birth can go a long way toward making breastfeeding easy. Also, having a supportive network of family and friends to help take care of you, the new parents, can ease the transition to parenting.    Many cultures have a “lying-in” period when mom is relieved of all responsibilities except for caring for her baby. In our culture, moms are usually expected to maintain their pre-baby responsibilities after baby is born. So, help those around you learn how their support is vital to helping you achieve your infant feeding goals. And go easy on yourself! There are breastfeeding support groups, as well as NPN New Moms Groups, available. Find them, and connect to your tribe or your village to give you the information and ongoing support you need.    [Related: 12 truths about giving birth from an OB nurse]   Do you think moms put too much pressure on themselves to breastfeed? Is there a point at which you recommend a mom stop if she’s having a lot of trouble breastfeeding? While most moms are able meet their breastfeeding goals, as an IBCLC, I often see moms with difficult breastfeeding challenges. Sometimes these difficulties seem to be or can be insurmountable. It is always ok for a mom to decide that she wants to stop breastfeeding and to feel supported in her decision. It is the IBCLC’s role to give a mom information, strategies and options about her breastfeeding situation. It is the mom’s choice to decide how to go forward.   While exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months is recommended, breastfeeding does not have to be an all-or-nothing process. Partial breastfeeding or partial breastmilk feeding can be viable options. Knowing this helps some moms continue to do some breastfeeding. I always support a mom’s decision about how to feed her baby, whatever choice she makes. My role is to help make it an informed choice.   What are your thoughts on the recent findings that there’s no need to “pump and dump” when you’ve had a drink or two? The last thing we want to do is put unnecessary restrictions on what a breastfeeding mom “must do” or “cannot do” which may cause her to shorten the duration of breastfeeding. It is widely accepted in the medical literature that moderate and responsible use of alcohol does not cause harm to infants. There are, however, some cautions moms should be aware of. You can find a number of reliable sources of information to turn to for guidance on alcohol use and breastfeeding.    What recommendations do you have for expectant moms who are planning to work full time but also want to continue breastfeeding?  First, keep in mind there is plenty of time to prepare for going back to work after baby is born. In the early weeks, focus on getting breastfeeding off to a good start and establishing your milk supply before you begin to store milk for your return to work.   You’ll find it helpful to talk with other moms in your workplace who have continued to breastfeed after returning to work. These moms will be able to share some of the ins and outs of your workplace. Find out if there is a designated area for pumping milk. If there is not, ask your employer to provide a suitable place to pump. Know that you have rights under the law to provide milk for your baby once you have returned to work. 
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    • Northwestern's Dr. Rebecca Unger drops some serious knowledge on newborn and infant care.
      As an expecting parent, you are rightfully overwhelmed with all that's ahead for you when your little one greets the world. This tiny creature will depend on you for everything, and you want to be prepared to do the best for her, right?    Dr. Rebecca Unger, a pediatrician at Northwestern Children's Practice, answers some pressing questions about newborn care below.   What are some things that happen in the first month of a newborn’s life that many parents are unprepared for? Newborn babies do not come with an owner’s manual, so it is common to feel unprepared for what you experience during your first month as a new parent. Since older babies often have predictable feeding and sleeping schedules, one of the things that many parents are unprepared for is the unpredictable rhythm of newborn life. Newborns have patterns that can help provide some structure, but there is no such thing as a schedule to the day (or night) until a baby is several months old. Add parental fatigue to the mix and it can be overwhelming to make sense of how to know how to meet your baby’s needs. Once you learn that the best way to figure that out is to trust your instincts, along with depending on your pediatrician and trusted friends and relatives for information and support, you will grow to have more confidence and understanding about meeting your baby’s needs. Luckily it is a very steep learning curve!   What are some things that parents overprepare for? Depending on the parenting style, some parents will read and read and read about caring for a newborn. Although it can be helpful to read ahead of time about how to feed, bathe, diaper, and sleep train your baby, you will learn all of those skills very quickly when you have your baby in your arms, regardless of what parenting resources you have already studied.    What are the most common behaviors or concerning symptoms that you should look for in your infant in the first week home?  Right from the start, babies have unique personality traits. Your baby might be quiet, calm and watching everything around her or she might be active, intense and fussy. All of these temperament traits are normal. You will learn to respond to your baby’s personality traits and know when and how to meet her needs.    Newborn babies can see close faces, large shapes and bright colors. Vision develops rapidly over the first year. Babies have a social smile by 6-8 weeks and even before that they will pay attention to your smile and facial expressions, your voice and being held. Within a few months, babies may even imitate and engage in your facial expressions.    Babies can have irregular breathing patterns, active startle reflexes and fussy times, all of which are normal. Concerning symptoms would be excessive crying or inconsolability, lethargy that results in poor feeding, lack of eye contact, significant vomiting and lack of urine output.    What are the most common questions you get from new parents? 1) How do I know if my baby is hungry? 2) How do I know if my baby is getting enough to eat? 3) How do I know when my baby is ready for sleep? 4) When can I go outside with my baby? 5) When can I travel with my baby? 6) How often should I bathe my baby? 7) How warmly do I dress my baby? 8 ) Can I use a pacifier?   Answers: 1) Feed your baby every 2-4 hours, as a general guideline. Healthy babies can feed on demand—they are the boss! 2) If your baby makes at least four wet diapers/day he is getting enough to eat. 3) Your baby should sleep frequently—the sleep pattern should be up a little, down a little. Remember that sleep begets sleep so a well rested baby will sleep better than an overtired baby. Sleeping well at night will promote sleeping well in the daytime, and vice versa. 4) You can go outside with your newborn baby anytime, as long as the weather outside is not too frightful for you. 5) You can travel anytime with your baby. There are no restrictions, however once your baby is older than 6-8 weeks of age, there is less concern about development of fever. 6) You can bathe your baby as often as you like but often babies are bathed several times/week. 7) You should dress your baby as warmly as you dress yourself. 8 ) You can use a pacifier anytime. If you are breastfeeding and have some problems, you might want to wait until breastfeeding is going well.   Dr. Unger has been working with the Northwestern Children’s Practice for over two decades. She also works at Lurie Children’s Hospital as an attending pediatrician in the Lurie Wellness and Weight Management Clinic. Dr. Unger has enjoyed raising her children, Emily and Joey, and learning from both of them every step of the way. 
       
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    • Does your family live far away? One mom offers tips on how to build your own support team.
      Maybe you always knew you’d wind up in Chicago. Maybe Chicago is the last place you thought you’d be when you started raising a family (insert raised hand here). In either case, Chicago is home now, and for me, the distance to my own family never felt as great as when I started having kids of my own.
      While I still feel pangs of jealousy when I hear another mom talk about dropping off her kids at her sister’s house for impromptu afternoon cousin playdates or romantic long weekends away while doting grandparents coddle a new baby, I’ve come to terms with living in the city with no local family.
      Besides doing a lot of Facetime with family all over the country, I’ve found a few strategies that have helped make the transition to parenthood in the city a bit more manageable.
      Create your own local support system. Find other new parents! I do not know what I would have done without my mom friends in the early days when milk and poop and sleep (or lack thereof) consumed my life. It can be isolating having a baby (especially during a long Chicago winter), but don’t isolate yourself. Whether you plan to stay at home or return to work, take advantage of those early weeks and months of parenthood to seek out new friends through NPN New Moms Groups, Park District classes, and “mom & me” yoga classes. The bond you share is universal, and fellow new parents could become friends for life—and willingly dine out with you at 4:45 p.m.!
      Save the date. Make plans to see your family. I always like to have my next family visit on the calendar, even if it is months in advance. Although I don’t see my family every week, or every month, it helps knowing my own little family will reunite with my larger family at some point in the foreseeable future. 
      Take care of you. When there’s no “easy” child care around in the form of longtime friends or family, it’s easy to stop prioritizing activities that require leaving your babe. Don’t neglect yourself or your pre-baby relationships because you feel like you can’t get out. You can. And you should! Swap favors with those new mom friends. Find a mother’s helper to give you a break during the day to shower or check email. Build a bench of trusted babysitters that you and your child/ren feel comfortable with. Take care of yourself and make time for yourself so you can better take care of the ones who depend on you!
      The city has endless resources to offer new parents. Whether you’re making a home here permanently or just stopping along the way, you’re not alone! As the saying goes, “You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.” In some ways, being forced to build your own support system when you have a new baby can be a blessing in disguise!
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    • The women in NPN's New Moms Groups rely on each other for advice, support—even babysitting.
      “It takes a village”—an over-used phrase when it comes to raising children, but it’s true.
      Day one: More like day 40 of being a new mom and a new stay-at-home mom, I decided I needed to take control of my new career. If I was going to be happy and “good” at this, I had to make some new friends. This decision led me to join NPN and enroll in an infant music class. I also decided to join an NPN New Moms Group for stay-at-home moms (SAHM—I didn’t even know what the acronym meant when I was looking at the options).
      Two weeks later, I attended my first meeting. Upon entering the hostess’s building, I met another mom coming to the group; we both looked stressed. Getting showered and out of the house in the cold and taking our babies by ourselves to an unknown location was a little overwhelming. Another mom, with twins, had one of her babies completely blow out a diaper, poor girl. Out of the 10 of us, perhaps two had it together. I went home and told my husband I wasn’t sure I’d go back.
      Year one: Looking back after a year, I can’t believe I almost didn’t go back! In fact, almost half of us went home after that first meeting not planning to return. But we all did! The first year of my son’s life, my moms group met almost every Tuesday. We helped each other through the challenges of being a new mom. Sleeping, illness, solid foods, teething, walking—you name it, we experienced it together. After a year, I had nine new friends and my son had 10! I have no idea what I would do without my moms group. We help each other in many ways; we even took a weekend trip to Kohler!
      Year two: The last year with my moms group has been just as great as the first. As our kids approached age two and became mobile, we started meeting at parks and other fun locations around the city. We still meet every Tuesday, and now our conversations are more about how much TV is okay and when and where we’re thinking about preschool. Our kids know each other, and they call each other by name, now that they’re starting to talk. A couple, including my son, have become older siblings. It’s yet again great to have a support system to lean on—lending a hand, bringing meals and sharing clothes and other baby items. On occasion we watch each other’s kids and share babysitter information. More than half of us use the same person to clean our homes.
      Year three: Looking ahead, I am grateful to have such a wonderful group of friends. I do believe it takes a village to raise a child, but that village can include anyone you choose. Without my NPN New Moms Group as part of mine, I truly would be lost.
      Check the NPN calendar to find upcoming New Moms Groups!
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    • If your child calls a yard a "forest," knows the ins and outs of Divvy bikes and rides the CTA like it's no big deal, you might be a Chicago mom.
      Our friends at the Huffington Post wrote a great list, 13 Signs You Might Be a Suburban Mom. We couldn't get away without creating one of our own about Chicago moms, too!
      So, you might be a Chicago mom if... 
      1. You know how to navigate public transportation with a diaper bag and a stroller. Oh, yeah, and a child. 
      2. Sometimes you get lost in Whole Foods, for hours. 
      3. You purge your baby stuff, almost immediately. Who's got the room for it?
      4. You are flexible. If there is a Cubs game, you know which parks are away from the traffic pattern.
      5. You know when the museums won't be swamped with out-of-town tourists (spring break and holidays). 
      6. Riding a train is no big deal to your kid.
      7. Your child prefers a scooter to a bike and so do you.
      8. You run into friends at the park, and you are never the only one there.
      9. You've held a birthday party or play date in your "outdoor space," the sidewalk.
      10. You've become a Wiggleworm groupie and follow your favorite kindie performers from stage to stage during summer festival season.
      11. Your child knows every Divvy location within a 2-mile radius and can explain to out-of-towners exactly how it works.
      12. When you child comes into contact with "nature" (i.e., a yard), she is awestruck and refers to trees as the "forest" while you chuckle to yourself.
      13. Your child has NO idea the lengths you go to get him signed up for Park District programs, but you happily do it anyway.
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    • Going back to work soon? Follow these steps to make sure you're choosing the best nanny for your family.
      Of course we all want to have a relationship with our nanny that is both personal and professional. It’s a fine line and it’s in your hands to get the relationship off on the right foot. An ideal nanny will ask us about our weekend but refrain from asking details of our night out. How can we establish this relationship and not get in too deep?   When hiring a nanny… Make sure you share the same values about children as your nanny. Talk about expectations, values and education. Communicate what a day would look like when your child is with your nanny. Be clear on your ideas. Be on the same page with discipline. Talk to the nanny about past experiences and how they handled the situation. Ask the nanny about their family. Do they have a close relationship with their brothers and sisters. Are they close to their parents? Get an idea about their social life. Are their weekends packed with going out, or are they more of a homebody? Personality can be just as important as experience. I always tell parents that it’s a gut feeling. Sure, we all feel nervous about going back to work and having a stranger take care of the most important person in our lives. When you meet the right person, you just know. You get a sense of security and those worries slowly melt away.   Before jumping the gun and hiring on the spot, make sure you… Call all references. We at Olive.You.Nanny call at least three childcare references. It’s always a good idea to call a potential nanny's friend, too. You’d be surprised what comes out! Have a trial day with the nanny. Have the nanny come back for at least a few hours. Have her change a diaper, give a bottle. It’s important for you to see the interaction. Run a background check. No matter what. Have a nanny/family agreement you go over to make sure you’re all on the same page. Talk about expectations. And lastly, make sure you set aside time every few weeks to catch up with each other. Talk about how things are going and always keep the lines of communication open!
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    • This dad found a way to make his daughter more open-minded about eating new foods.
      We tried a million ways to get our daughter, Soleil, to try new foods, eat what was in front of her, and stop saying she didn’t like something before ever having tried it. And then we came upon this way of planning, preparing and eating meals that not only eliminates those problems, but actually gets her excited about dinner.
      There are a lot of steps to getting a meal on the table, from deciding what to eat, making shopping lists, going to the supermarket, making the meal, setting the table, eating it and cleaning up. Here are some tips to get everyone involved and excited about meals:
      Decide what to eat
      When you wake up on Saturday morning, get the kids involved with what you’re going to have for dinner. Ask them what they want, making sure to include all of the food groups.
      Make the shopping list
      Have the kids make the list. If they’ve started to write, have them write the list on paper. They’ll get to practice their penmanship and spelling. If they want to do it on the phone, that’s cool, too.
      Go to the supermarket
      Have the kids hold the list and show the parents where to go and what to get. They’ll be less bored, it’ll feel more like a scavenger hunt than a task and it’ll be more fun for everyone.
      Make the meal
      Have everyone involved in every step, as much as possible. Obviously, there are activities that little kids shouldn’t undertake, but let them try stuff out and get comfortable with being in the kitchen.
      Set the table
      Use the cloth napkins that you’re saving and never use. Get a little dressed up. Use the fancy plates or think of how to serve the food in a nice way. Make the meal feel more important than just shoving food in your mouths.
      Eat the meal
      We serve the meal in courses, like at a restaurant. First an appetizer, then vegetable, main course and dessert. If kids have four things on their plate, they’re going to choose what they like best to eat first and the broccoli gets left behind. If you front load the broccoli at the beginning and it’s the only thing in front of them, they’re more likely to eat it.
      This is not a method to get healthy meals on the table quickly. In fact, it’s the opposite. It’s a way to elevate the importance of the meal and get everyone to feel ownership in it. When you give kids ownership over what they're going to eat, they'll eat anything. Adults, too.
      Read more...
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